She need not have hated me, thought Mildred, for I gained nothing by her loss. And for a moment she felt quite sentimental about herself and about the years which the locusts had eaten. Yet the next moment she told herself that in a way she had quite enjoyed it all, she had enjoyed making up her myth of being in love with Hugh, and embellishing it and adding to it, and having it as a secret when in a way it was hardly a thing at all. But now, she thought, now I shall make all those shadows into the shadows of something. I shall make that long road a road that shall have led, after all, somewhere.
As she now went down the steps she heard from the stables the sound of Humphrey starting up the Rover, and as she reached the lawn she saw Felix at the side of the house, his head deep inside the bonnet of the very dark blue Mercedes. She came towards him, and saw beyond him the Rover disappearing down the drive.
'Really, Felix, said Mildred, 'I believe you love that car more than you love any of us!
Felix lifted his head and smiled. He leaned on the side of the bonnet wiping his hands on a bit of newspaper. 'It's the only thing I've got to look after! .
'And whose fault is that, pray? said Mildred.
Felix was Mildred's half-brother, and fifteen years her junior. He was a very tall man in his early forties with a big face and very blue eyes and a lot of short receding colourless fair hair which stood up fluffily upon his head. His face was pleasantly weather-beaten and worn into all. Expression of non-committal professional superiority, and revealed little of what, if anything, he felt. There was no subtle play of light, no gradual dawning of awareness, but only the sudden gaiety of a very brilliant smile and then a return to routine solemnity. Felix treated his sister with an unvarying amused politeness and usually foiled her attempts to run him by ignoring them altogether. He did not reply to her last remark, but bent forward again to inspect the interior of the Mercedes.
'Felix, I want to talk to you seriously, said Mildred. 'Close the bonnet of the car.
Felix obediently closed it arid went on wiping his hands. He let Mildred draw him by the sleeve, and they began to pace together upon the lawn.
'Felix, said Mildred, 'it's about Ann. Now what are you going to do about Ann?
Felix was silent. He threw the piece of newspaper down in the comer of one of the rose-beds and waited while his sister picked it up and stuffed it into his pocket. He said, Must we have this Mildred? He had a way of pronouncing her name which made it sound like a monosyllable.
'Yes, we must, said Mildred. 'I wish you weren't so infernally clammed up! I want to help you, but you won't give me a chance. She thrust her Ann through his. He was so much taller than her that she could not see his face properly.
'I'd rather you didn't help me, actually, said Felix. They walked on slowly.
'Don't be silly, said Mildred. 'Now you must simply give me some information. I'm not asking you to use your mind yet. That will come later. You must admit that I've been awfully delicate and tactful about Ann. I've never even questioned you before. So you must bear with me now.
'Mildred, said Felix, 'I'm sorry to disappoint you, I mean to disappoint your curiosity and your interest, but there is nothing here.
'What do you mean, «nothing here»? Must you talk like a telegram?
'Nothing has happened and nothing is going to happen.
Mildred was silent for a moment. 'Have it your own way. Let us talk about a related subject. You want to get married. Or, let me make things even easier for you, and simply say I want you to get married. I want the Meechams to go on, since the Finches obviously aren't going to. I want your children, Felix. I can't be a grandmother, but I shall be a quite formidable aunt.
'Sorry, Mildred, to disappoint you again.
'Come, come, said Mildred. She drew him along coaxingly. 'What about that froggy girl, the one you met in Singapore? Come, unbend a little about her. Do that tiny thing for your aged sister: 'Marie-Laure, said Felix stiffly.
'That's right. What was her name?
'Marie-Laure Auboyer: 'Well, what about her? Where is she now, anyway?
'I'm sorry to keep saying the same things, but there's nothing there either. She's in Delhi, I think.
'Delhi! cried Mildred. 'And you want to persuade me there's nothing I With you going so conveniently to look after those Gurkhas I Not that I want you to marry a frog, but she sounded quite a nice girl, and at least she's a girl.
They reached the seat under the cedar tree and sat down. The thrush was silent. The garden, dissolved in granular points of colour by the intense evening light, seemed to quiver quietly before them.
'I'm not going to Delhi, as it happens, said Felix. He crossed his legs and thrust his hands into his pockets and looked away towards the bridge. 'I'm going to take a job in England.
'Felix! cried Mildred. You might have told me! I'd quite counted on our going to India together. You are a pig.
'Sorry, Mildred — it's only just been decided. Well, it's not entirely fixed yet, but more or less.
'You mean you've only just decided it. What is it to be? Guarding Buck House?
'No, I've done my stint. It's a thing in the War Office, in the Military Secretary's department, actually, dealing with postings and pro., motions and decorations. All that. Very dull.
'At least they'll promote you, dear boy, you'll be a brigadier?
'Yes.
'But without a brigade?
'Quite. It was a sore point.
'Ah well, said Mildred, 'I always thought you were far too nice for the Anny. I can't think now why you ever went into it. I never advised it. Not that you haven't done frightfully well. Anyhow, you'll be in England after all. And that brings us back to Ann.
' Mildred — will you — leave off? said Felix. He cast her a frowning sidelong glance and made to rise. She detained him.
'Please, Felix, don't be cross with me because I see you think only of that. And don't try, this time round, to put me off with your «nothing here» stuff. You must make some decision about Ann. You're fretting yourself to pieces and preventing yourself from thinking about other women that you might have. And you must be worrying Ann too.
Felix was very stiff now, sitting very upright and staring ahead of him. The colours in the garden had reached their peak and were now subsiding into twilight as one by one the nebulous grains turned to blue and purple. One huge bright star trembled above the darkening chestnut grove. He said, 'You think I'm — acting improperly.
Mildred sighed. She knew from his more than usually strangulated utterance that she had his attention at last. She said carefully, 'No, certainly not. What I mean is nothing to do with giving Ann up, but with getting her. She isn't young, but she's young enough to bear you a child. She was a child herself when Steve was born. And the point is that you love her. And she loves you. And Randall has gone.
'What makes you say that? said Felix sharply. 'Which? about her loving you?
'Yes. He shifted his legs, staring ahead intently as if he were watching something.
'Well, she does, doesn't she? said Mildred. She had no idea. Felix was silent. Then he said, 'I don't know anything about what she thinks of the matter. Naturally.
'I like your «naturally»! said Mildred. 'You wouldn't be here unless you thought she — didn't positively mind. At least she knows what you feel?
Felix was silent again. He said, 'I think she — understands. He tried to compress the last word into a single grunt.