In answer to Mildred's question about Penn, Hugh replied vaguely, 'Oh, I don't know. I don't think Ann is worried about Humphrey seeing Penn. I imagine the boy just decided, when it came to it, that he wanted to stay in the country. He seems to be having quite a good time now. He poured out some more sherry. It was raining harder and the hiss of the water was confused with the sound of traffic in the Brompton Road.
Mildred looked at Hugh affectionately and patted her fluffy pepper coloured hair into place. Her mind reverted to Felix and his problem, a matter which had also considerably occupied her imagination. She had expressed to Felix a 'confidence' in Randall; but she had discovered nothing since to increase her hopes of Randall's positively 'going off'.
It was obvious that Hugh really knew nothing about what Ann thought about Humphrey; and equally doubtless he knew nothing of Randall's intentions. But it was worth trying, so Mildred said casually, 'Any news of Randall, by the way?
'No, said Hugh. He seemed unable to keep his mind on these topics and answered in a distracted manner. 'I haven't seen him.
'Do you think now he'll stay in London? said Mildred. 'I mean, he must have a girl friend here or something.
'A girlfriend? said Hugh. 'I've no idea. I don't know what he does. Mildred groaned to herself. Hugh was always the last person to hear the gossip which concerned him most. Yet she loved this in him, his inability to attract gossip. There was, in his obliviousness, in his litter failure to discover what was going on, a kind of positively beautiful stupidity.
The nervousness which Mildred had felt on the threshold was now quite gone. It was Hugh who seemed nervous, shy almost in a touching way and needing to be set at ease. She looked at his round wrinkled face, his round brown eyes and the bald globe above the thick tonsure of brown hair, and she wanted to take him in her Anns: such a simple and yet it had seemed all her life such an impossible wish. Just the pleasure of looking at him so unrestrainedly was considerable. One cannot, in ordinary society, so rapaciously scrutinize one's friends; she enjoyed the liberty she was taking. At the same time she observed the shabby state of the loose covers, decided that all the chairs needed re-covering, decided where this should be done and approximately how much it ought to cost.
'Never mind about Randall, she said. 'What about you? Felix probably isn't coming to India after all, so you absolutely must come. You will, won't you, Hugh?
Hugh looked uneasy and picked at the braiding of the armchair.
'I don't know whether I can, Mildred.
'What stops you?
He made a rather weary gesture, seeming a little to avoid her eye. 'Come! said Mildred. Has it lost its magic? You did want to come, although you wouldn't say so. You can't have changed your mind. Hugh was silent.
'Hugh dear, you're worrying about something, said Mildred. 'Is it those ridiculous children? They'll be all right, you know.
'Mildred, you're so sympathetic, said Hugh.
Mildred moved her chair nearer his. She wanted very much to embrace him now but feared to do it clumsily. Their two large chairs were in the way and she could hardly pull him to his feet. So she contented herself with dealing him a light blow on the hand such as might more elegantly be dealt by a folded fan. 'Now then, tell me all.
'It's not the children, he said. 'It's just that I'm in a foolish state of mind.
'So am I! thought Mildred. Ah, Hugh, if you only knew how foolish! She said nothing, but advanced her hand to the Ann of his chair, ready to seize his hand in a friendly clasp when the next opportunity offered.
Hugh turned now and looked into her face and the shock of the straight gaze almost made her gasp. She had no expression ready for so direct a glance and with a sense of failure she fluttered and dropped her eyes. She wondered if she were blushing. She had forgotten what it felt like inside when one blushed.
'Mildred, said Hugh, 'we have known each other a long time. He said it solemnly.
'Yes. Her nervousness returned. She had not expected such a sudden, such a wonderfully rapid, approach to seriousness between them. 'I hope that I may speak to you from my heart, said Hugh. Mildred nodded mutely. She took his hand, pressed it, and laid it back on the Ann of the chair.
'I hope too, said Hugh, 'that you won't think I'm being terribly disloyal to poor Fanny.
Mildred didn't know whether or not to say no she wouldn't, so she simply approached her hand until, without grasping it, it was touching his. His big worried round face was close to hers. With very little movement she could have kissed him. Now it would come soon, the second kiss, to which the first kiss had so long looked forward. Lips parted, as she looked tenderly at him, she could feel her face moulded by the warm mobility of the feelings within.
'There's something strangely timeless about one's affection for people.
'I know — said Mildred. She took his hand in a firm clasp and held it, stroking it a little with one of her fingers. 'Dear Hugh —’ she said. She felt happy, surprised, excited, very moved.
'I hope I won't upset or annoy you by speaking frankly, he said. 'I didn't mean, when you came, to talk to you like this. But I'm surely old and foolish enough now to be able to talk when I want to and dispense with the dignity of silence.
'Talk, my dear, talk, breathed Mildred.
'I must have your advice, Mildred. It's about Emma Sands. Mildred let go of his hand abruptly. Hugh, who had apparently not noticed either her affectionate grip or its cessation, got up and began to pace about the room. His head passed and re-passed in front of the honey-coloured Tintoretto.
'I don't know whether you knew, said Hugh, 'but I was at one time very fond of Emma. He paused in the golden aura of the picture. 'Well, I may as well be frank with you, Mildred. I was dreadfully in love with Emma.
'Quite, said Mildred. She had not meant it to sound so dry.
'Ah, did you know? said Hugh. He looked at her eagerly, almost as if it would now give him pleasure to think that she had followed his adventures with interest.
'No, not really. I think I knew vaguely that you liked her.
Hugh seemed disappointed. 'Well, I was, he said, in a tone which was both aggrieved and complacent. He set off pacing again and as he did so a look of serenity settled on his face and he seemed for a while oblivious of Mildred. She could see his face rounded out, softened by the thoughts 'within, very much as her own face had been a moment since. His head seemed to grow larger and more radiant, as he said again, 'Yes, I was, I certainly was —’
He walked a little more and then stopped in front of her. 'I've never spoken of this to anyone. Well, Fanny knew, but I never talked about it. It's wonderful, it's remarkable, to talk about it now, to talk out aloud to someone, to utter her name. Bless you, Mildred, bless you, dear!
'You want to talk about — the past? said Mildred hopefully.
'Well, no, said Hugh. He had turned away from her again and lifted his face to the gold of the picture. 'I want to talk about — the present. Or rather — the future. Yes, he added with satisfaction, 'the future. It's rather miraculous to find that, even at my age, one has one!
Mildred felt that she had grown, in the big armchair, as dry and small as a nut. She said, 'You are young at heart, Hugh.
The conventional words seemed to give him pleasure. What a perfect fool he is, she thought, and she yearned over him.
'Perhaps I am after all, he said. 'But no one is more surprised than me. I told you Emma was at the funeral, didn't I?