'I don't see why I should do all the work!
'Assuming your marriage is over, said Lindsay, ignoring his remark. 'Is it? She turned towards him again and gave him a hard look. Her face had at such moments a strength before which Randall foundered.
'Yes, of course it is.
'Well then, act accordingly.
'Ah, you are honest, he said. 'You are so much honester than I am! So much stronger too, it was on the tip of his tongue to say, but he refrained. He did not want positively to suggest to Lindsay that she was dominant. Lindsay bestriding him had better remain a private fantasy.
Lindsay smiled. The strength passed without remainder into the smile. The other side of a turning screw. 'The world would not account either of us honest. I wonder how much you really fear the world. Randall?
Randall did not know. He said emulating her toughness, 'Time will show. He added, 'I suppose we are rather unprincipled, aren't we?
'We don't live by abstract rules, said Lindsay. 'But our acts have their places. They belong to us.
'Their places in a pattern, said Randall. 'Yes. In a form. Our lives belong to us. But he thought at once, I am talking nonsense. My life has not belonged to me for years. And then he thought, but it will belong to me, and he felt the shaft of light go through him. To cover up his last remark he said. 'Ann lives by rules and her acts don’t have places, they don't belong anywhere. It's a very depressing thing to witness. I wonder why it's so depressing? It makes me so gloomy sometimes I want to die. Ann is abstract. He spoke with a sudden passion. What was it he so positively hated here?
'Morality is depressing, said Lindsay. She was smiling slightly and drawing her finger in and out of the wet rings on the table to make a complex rosiform pattern.
'Your morality is not, said Randall. 'It invigorates, it inspires, it gives life. You have a marvellous moral toughness. You are so completely honest and genuine. You do me immense good.
'Get me another drink, Randall dear.
He rose and went to the bar. Simply drinking with her was paradise. He looked about him. A group of people had come in. A fat elderly woman joined them. She kissed each of them. They all began to chatter. Randall looked on them with amazement and affection. Wonderful ordinary people whose lives worked.
'You know, he said to Lindsay as he got back with the drink, 'I long to spoil you. It's almost incredible to me, and somehow marvellous, that you've never been out of England. Think of the places there are to show you I'
'Ah, it is I who would spoil you, she said. 'I would show you things you never dreamt of if you turned out to deserve them.
There was in her cool stare a pinpoint of yearning which Randall perceived with joy, while at the same time he felt, at her so turning him away from her lack of experience, a pure compassion. Strength flowed into him. 'We're pretty evenly matched, aren't we?
She smiled now, and just touched him on the nose with her finger. 'Lindsay, Lindsay, he said, in an overflowing of tenderness. 'This is the beginning of something? We will go away together, won't we?
'I don't know, she said. 'It's a matter of your deserts, isn't it? Don't for a moment forget that we're very well off as we are.
'We are well off, of course, said Randall cautiously. He was not sure how serious Lindsay was and he wanted to say nothing wrong. 'All the same, he said, 'I'm going quietly crazy.
'I'm not! said Lindsay, with an affected little pout of complacency. 'But you will come? said Randall. He desperately wanted to feel her spurs in him. 'You do love me, Lindsay, for heaven's sake?
She looked at him sombrely, and as he gazed in supplication he seemed to see another symbol taking shape in her eyes, as if her beloved initial, on which he had used to meditate as upon one of the names of God, had transformed itself into the relevant question.
'Money, he said. 'Yes.
Lindsay nodded.
'Yes, he said. 'We must have money. That's the trouble, isn't it? He did not insult her by saying, 'I can earn money, if you help me. That was not a thing to say to a girl such as Lindsay. The turn which the discussion had taken was a sobering one; but the cold touch of even a hostile reality, after the substanceless fantasy of the last year, thrilled his blood. He felt, blindly, almost hopeful.
With a coldness which matched her own, and which he felt as deliciously provocative as the tenderest badinage of love, he said, 'will you get her dough?
Lindsay smiled faintly and respondingly and her hand sought his.
'Not unless I stay till the end.
'And how near is the end? Lindsay shrugged her shoulders.
'She pretends to be old, doesn't she, said Randall, 'and she isn't really so old at all. Do you think she's ill?
'She's not ill. She'll live forever.
'Hmm, said Randall. 'Then we must think of something else.
'You must think of something else.
'You're bloody helpful, aren't you. He squeezed her hand. 'I tell you one thing. I must go to bed with you soon, my darling, or I'll die of unreality. The two of you have made me into a bloody dream object. I've got to have you Lindsay, or I shall just cease to be. So I suggest the programme is, first we go to bed, then I get hold of some money, then we think what to do next.
'No, said Lindsay, withdrawing her hand again. 'The programme is, first you think, then you get the money, — then we go to bed.
'Ah, he said, 'you're going to put me to the question. He trembled but he adored her for it. 'Yes?
She said impatiently, 'Yes, if you will!
He would, he would. He murmured submissively, 'You are a tormentor —’
'Oh, don't be so feeble, Randall, Lindsay said with irritation. She looked at her watch. 'It's time for us to go back now.
'Not already, said Randall. 'God! He regarded her, frowning. 'Suppose I were just to take you away now, not to let you go back?
'You couldn't, she said simply, rising.
It was so patently true that Randall did not even trouble to think in what sense it was true. He followed her dejectedly out of the pub.
'Don't look so hangdog, said Lindsay, thrusting her Ann through his as they went up the hill. 'After all, you must think, mustn't you? You must count the cost in detail. You may not really want me at all. Think of all that lovely furniture at Grayhallock!
'You bitch, said Randall softly. 'I count the cost day and night. Miranda. Everything. I've counted, and I want you, as you bloody well know.
'Miranda, said Lindsay. 'Yes. She sighed a long sigh and leaned more heavily upon his Ann.
He knew that she feared this topic and he was at once in a flurry lest he should have discouraged her. He did not want to have thrown into her consciousness any hard thing round which hostility to him might quietly collect. He said, 'That will be all right, you know. Miranda is nearly grown up and she's a very wise little person. You'll see. You'll like her and she'll like you.
'I doubt that, said Lindsay. 'But never mind. There, there! Never mind.
They reached the door of the flats and paused in the dark vestibule.
He took her two hands now, regarded her, and then took her slowly in a strong embrace. A moment later, as he almost groaned aloud with desire, he wondered why, in that sacred hour, he had accepted her idea of going to the pub, instead of taking her by taxi to his little room in Chelsea. But that was just another thing that, in that undefined way, he couldn't do. Then he felt in the sway of her body to his such an unambiguous answer to his fierceness that he became unaware of all else.
'Randall, Randall, she whispered, as if waking him from a long sleep, and gently undid his clasp. 'Come, she said.
'No, said Randall. 'I'm not coming in. You em go alone.
'She'll be disappointed if you don't come. Don't displease her. She's an old lady.