Cole’s eyes smarted. Maybe Buck was looking on too, from wherever he was.
He heard the truck pull up in front. In a moment foot steps sounded on the porch. She hadn’t come charging back. He braced himself, not knowing if that was a good or bad sign. He’d married a complicated lady.
“Hi.” The husky voice he’d loved from day one sounded deeper than usual.
“Hi yourself.” He studied her where she was standing next to the kitchen table. She’d been crying her eyes out. He lifted a mug. “Coffee?”
“No, thank you.” He could see her throat working. “Cole-”
“Bonnie’s been kid napped by the family. We’ll be lucky if we see her again before sometime tomorrow. Gavin thinks she looks like his dad. Rosemary insists she’s the image of Penny. You have to wonder how long it will be before someone says she resembles Buck.”
A little sob escaped her throat. “I see you in her already.”
“Spoken like a loyal wife.”
She flinched. “I didn’t give a very good impression of one earlier. Forgive me. I didn’t mean to run away like that. I’m afraid it’s an old habit when I don’t want to face something unpleasant.”
Sucking in his breath, Cole put the mug down. “Is the idea of getting pregnant again repugnant to you?”
She subsided into the nearest chair. “No.”
His frustration grew. “Are you afraid of intimacy because of your former experience?”
“I-it’s not that,” she stammered.
He rubbed the back of his neck where the muscles were bunched. “Then it’s me. You wanted Bonnie enough to marry me, but now the reality is too much for you to handle. Is that it?”
She flashed him a tortured look before she jumped up from the chair. “I don’t think I can have more children-that’s why!”
Her answer flooded him with such great relief it took him a moment to respond. Unfortunately she read something else in that brief silence.
“You see?” she cried in undeniable turmoil, staring at him with wounded eyes. “I had sex with a boy, and my high-risk pregnancy probably ruined me for any more. My punishment for doing something I knew was wrong. But I didn’t know how wrong until you talked about providing Bonnie with a brother or sister.”
Tears gushed down her cheeks. “Do you have any idea how it killed me to hear you tell your brother you were looking forward to having a bigger family wh-when I was afraid we couldn’t? And all because it was my fault?”
The rise of hysteria in her voice propelled Cole toward her. He crushed her in his arms. “Have you been checked recently by an OB who’s of the same opinion?”
She burrowed her head against his shoulder. “No. I’ve been afraid to.”
He rubbed her back in an attempt to console her. “Medical science has come a long way in the last decade to make conception possible for millions of couples. You know that.”
“I don’t think it’s far enough for us, Cole.” She sobbed against him, wetting his shirtfront. “That’s why we need to get an annulment. My past mistake shouldn’t prevent you from having the life you want.”
She threw her head back to look at him.
What he wanted was to take away the pain from her drenched blue eyes. “I’ve got everything I want right here in front of me. The rest we can work out. Who knows? Maybe I’m infertile.”
Her hands formed fists against his chest. “Don’t be ridiculous! Haven’t you heard anything I’ve been saying? You’re too good a man to have married me. I’m like a tumbleweed out on the desert. I came from somewhere, but who knows where? I’ve rolled along here and there, with every gust of wind. I know nothing of my roots, whereas you can point back to your Farraday ancestors with pride.”
Her trembling body bespoke her agony.
“Catherine-”
“Let me finish. I sensed how honorable you were the first time we met. You’re a breed apart from any man I’ve ever known. Bonnie will never know how blessed she was that you claimed her. But when she grows older, what will be her opinion of a mother with no family, no clue to her background?”
He clasped her face between his hands. “Listen to me-what matters is what you’ve made of yourself! That’s all that matters where any human being is concerned! Knowing your pedigree doesn’t give you a pass in this life, Catherine. We all make mistakes. I’ve made a ton of my own. Some I’m not particularly proud of. Until you came into my life, I was a mess.”
She shook her head. Her eyes were still swimming in tears. “I don’t believe it.”
“Gavin could tell you. So could the other children-Uncle Cole’s mean.”
She sniffed. “If you’re so awful, how come he came running into the house whooping it up because you’re back?”
“Because children are forgiving. Haven’t you noticed?”
“Yes,” she confessed.
“Adults have a much harder time of it. I know one woman who needs to forgive herself so she can make this man happy.” He kissed her luscious mouth. “I’m in love with you, darling. So much it hurts.”
“But you can’t be-”
“Let’s get something straight, then we never have to talk about it again. If this weren’t the real thing, I wouldn’t have asked you to marry me under any cir cum stances. After meeting you, I discovered I wanted you, long before I saw Bonnie. The second I saw her, I wanted her too. Since then I’ve tried to show you in every way but one. Maybe going to bed will help.”
Her eyes grew slumberous. “I think it will.” She slid her arms around his neck. “Oh, Cole-” She pressed kisses all over his handsome face. “I’ve been wanting you to make love to me forever-I adore you.” Her voice shook. “You have no idea how much.”
For an answer, his mouth came down on hers, urgent and avid. Flames of desire licked her veins, turning her into a breath less supplicant. She didn’t remember being carried to the bedroom. All she knew was that she was in his arms, trying to satisfy her craving for him.
Hours later, when the stars had faded over the Ruby Mountains and the sun was about to come up, she had to give herself a talk about leaving him alone. He was in a deep sleep at last.
She should have been sated by now, yet she realized the craving for him was worse than before and would never go away.
Out of the semi darkness she heard a velvet voice whisper, “Come here.” Cole pulled her on top of him, trapping her legs.
Her breath caught. “I didn’t mean to waken you.”
“That’s the first lie you’ve told me all night,” he teased, kissing her in a certain spot.
Her face crimsoned. “Do you know how embarrassing it is to want your husband so much you have no shame?”
“There’s no shame when two people love each other as much as we do. Only a hot-blooded woman like you could ever hold me. When my time comes-”
“Stop-” She put a hand over his mouth. “I don’t ever want to think about that.”
He pressed a moist kiss to her palm. “Naturally I’m hoping it won’t be until after a lifetime of loving. But when it does happens-remind me to thank my little brother. Without him I would never have known this kind of happiness.”
“Cole, darling-” she cried in an aching voice.
Once again her world spun away in a ritual of giving and taking and unspeakable pleasure. Catherine’s entrancement was so total she didn’t realize at once that someone was ringing the doorbell. “Sweetheart-”
“Ignore it and they’ll go away. I have other things to do,” he whispered, plundering her mouth.
The bell pealed again.
“Cole?” She tried to breathe. “I think we’d better get it. Maybe something’s wrong with Bonnie.”