“Max, that’s the well with the boiling oil and the crocodiles.”
“I thought it looked familiar.”
“There’s a huge wooden chest over there, Max. It looks big enough for both of us.”
They ran to the chest. Max lifted the lid, then they got inside, and Max started to close the lid. But 99 stopped him.
“Max! No! Look! The inside of the lid is studded with spikes! If you close it, we’ll be pierced!”
“Pierced?”
“Stuck!”
“Oh. Well, I wouldn’t want to get stuck in this chest. Let’s look for somewhere else to hide.”
They climbed out. They could hear Lucky Bucky and the guards in the corridor, getting nearer.
“Max-it’s too late!”
“Maybe not, 99.” He pressed himself against a wall of the dungeon. “Do this, 99.”
99 flattened herself against the wall. “How is this going to help, Max?”
“Pretend to be something,” he replied.
“Max, I don’t understand.”
“I learned this in drama class when I was in second grade,” Max answered. “If you put your mind to it, you can pretend to be anything you want to be. I used to pretend to be a tennis court. And I was so good at it that, at the end of the class, my teacher used to scold me for not putting my net away.”
“Max!”
“She said it would deteriorate if it was left out in the rain.”
“Max, it just won’t work.”
“Maybe you’re right, 99. A tennis court would look a little out of place down here in the dungeon.”
At that instant, Lucky Bucky and the guards burst into the torture chamber.
“They’re here somewhere!” Lucky Bucky said. “Search everywhere-every nook and cranny!”
“He didn’t mention tennis courts,” Max whispered to 99. “We might still have a chance.”
“Nook and cranny includes tennis courts, Max.”
The guards were getting closer.
“That reminds me of a joke,” Max said.
“Max! Not now!”
They pressed closer to the wall. And suddenly the wall opened up behind them and they tumbled backwards. The wall then closed, leaving them in total darkness.
“The way the joke goes-”
“Max! Where are we? What happened?”
“The wall opened and we’re in a secret passageway, 99. Now, the way the joke goes, you see, the cops were raiding a gambling den, and they found that every one of the gamblers was either a thief or an English governness.”
“Max, we escaped!”
“Yes, I know, 99. So, looking for evidence, the cops lined them up against the wall, and the head cop said, ‘Okay, boys, search them-every crook and nanny.’ ”
“Max, I can’t see a thing. How will we ever get out of here?”
“Don’t you get it, 99? The thieves were the crooks and the English governesses were the nannies. That’s what English governesses are called-nannies.”
“Max, I think I’ve found some steps.”
“No, thanks, 99-I’ve kicked the habit.”
“But we can’t stay here!”
“It was a play on words, 99. Nooks and crannies and crooks and nannies.”
“Max, this secret passageway must lead somewhere. Let’s follow it.”
“I have a better idea, 99. Why don’t we follow this secret passageway? It must lead somewhere.”
“You’re right, Max. You go ahead. I’ll be right behind you.”
They began making their way slowly up the steps.
“Well, I’m going to be in trouble with Miss Himmelman again,” Max said.
“With who, Max?”
“With Miss Himmelman, my second grade teacher. I left my net back there in the dungeon.”
“I think she’ll understand, Max.”
“It certainly was foresighted of the builder of this castle to put in this secret passageway,” Max said. “How do you suppose he knew, 99, that centuries later we’d need it to escape from Lucky Bucky Buckley?”
“Isn’t it just possible, Max, that he built it for himself?”
“Hardly, 99. Lucky Bucky Buckley wasn’t even born then.”
“Do you see anything, Max?”
“Only total darkness. And I’m not even sure about that. It doesn’t show up too well in this darkness.”
“If only we had a light!”
“Patience, 99. I think I see one up ahead.”
“A light?”
“Yes. It seems to be coming from under a doorway or something.”
“It must lead to a room. We’re safe, Max!”
When they reached the light, Max leaned his weight against the wall. It held firm.
“It isn’t a door,” he said. “It doesn’t rattle.”
“It’s probably a secret panel.”
“I hardly think so, 99.”
“Why not, Max?”
“Well, the man who built the castle knows about it, and you and I know about it. That doesn’t make it much of a secret any more.”
“Max, we can’t stay here. Try to break it down.”
He threw his weight against the wall. The panel splintered, and Max tumbled headlong into a room. 99 stepped out of the passageway behind him.
“Max!” she cried.
Max got to his feet. They had battered themselves back into Guru Optimo’s room. And facing them, sitting up in bed, was Guru Optimo himself.
“Hold your fire, Guru Optimo!” Max said. “We want to talk to you-about rejoining Control! Do you understand?”
Guru Optimo grinned. “Me Tarzan, You Jane!” he replied.
“Okay, Tarzan, here’s the deal,” Max said. “Lucky Bucky Buckley is taking advantage of your good nature. And we at Control feel that we had the idea to take advantage of your good nature first. Fair is fair. You can see that, you and your good nature, can’t you?”
Guru Optimo beamed. “Give it to me straight, doctor-will I always walk with a lisp?”
“Ahh. . I think that should be ‘limp,’ ” Max corrected.
“Tell him about all the advantages of working for Control, Max,” 99 said. “I think he’s interested.”
“Yes, well,” Max said, “there’s. . uh. . mmmm. .” He turned to 99. “What advantages, exactly, 99?”
“Working with happy people, for one thing.”
“Happy? More or less happy, maybe, 99. But, frankly, I’ve had some pretty sad days since I joined Control. I remember the day a few weeks ago when the Chief made me sit in a corner with a dunce cap on my head. That was not a very happy day.”
“But you deserved it, Max, giving an autographed copy of our secret code book to that KAOS agent.”
“But she said she was a fan of mine. And how was I supposed to know that KAOS was using little old ladies as agents?” He shook his head. “Give me another advantage.”
“Good pay.”
“Oh, sure. Control has to pay well. Because every time you make a teensy-weensy mistake and destroy some item of Government property, you have to pay for it out of your salary. If we weren’t paid well, we couldn’t afford to work for Control. Big advantage!”
“Short hours.”
“I can’t argue with that,” Max nodded. He faced back to Guru Optimo. “Our hours are only forty-five minutes long,” he said. “Of course, we have to be on duty twenty-four hours a day. But by saving fifteen minutes an hour, we have a total of three-hundred-and-sixty minutes left over at the end of the day that we can call our own. Whereas, at KAOS, the hours are sixty minutes long. And, at the end of the day, what do you have left?”
Guru Optimo giggled. “Mr. Hyde, I’d like you to meet my physician, Dr. Jekyll,” he replied.
“Aha! Here you are!” a voice roared from the doorway.
Lucky Bucky Buckley and the guards had returned.
“You’re too late, Lucky Bucky!” Max said. “I think Guru Optimo has just switched sides again.”
“Guru Baby, is that true?” Lucky Bucky said, aghast.
“Anyone for tennis?” Guru Optimo replied.
“If you’ll just wait till I get my net,” Max said.
“What did he promise you, Guru Baby?” Lucky Bucky asked. “I’ll double it, whatever it was.”
“I don’t think that will do you much good,” Max said. “I promised him a forty-five minute hour. Double it, and he’s going to find his Mondays running into his Saturdays.”