“Max, I’ve never doubted you as a source of wisdom, but-”
“Believe in me, 99. Don’t change sources in midstream.”
“All right, Max.”
They reached the squash room. Max opened the door, they dashed in, then Max slammed the door behind them.
The room was vacant. There were no windows, and no other doors.
“Didn’t I tell you, 99?” Max said. “Do you see any service lines? Do you see a hard rubber ball? I knew this wasn’t a squash room. It’s completely empty.”
“It doesn’t look much like V. T. Brattleboro, either, Max.”
“But it looks like Brattleboro masquerading as an empty room. You can’t argue with that, 99.”
There was a sound at the door.
“It’s Lucky Bucky and the guards, Max.”
“Don’t worry, 99, Brattleboro won’t let them in.”
“Smart! You’re in there-right, baby?” Lucky Bucky called in.
“Snug as a couple bugs in a KAOS agent!” Max called back. “Your luck has run out, Lucky Bucky. You’re locked out.”
There was a burst of laughter from outside.
“He’s taking it well,” Max said to 99.
“You know, Max, we’re also locked in,” she pointed out.
“But safe, 99. That’s what’s important.”
Then they heard another sound-the sound of a motor starting. This was followed by a different sound-the sound of gears grinding.
“Max. . what was that? It sounded as if it were right here in this room.”
“Maybe it was Brattleboro shifting his feet,” Max suggested. “It probably gets tiresome masquerading as a vacant room.”
99 looked upward. “Max. .”
“Yes, 99?”
“Max, doesn’t that ceiling look lower to you?”
Max, too, peered upward. “You’re slumping!” he called out.
“Who are you talking to, Max?”
“Brattleboro.”
“Max, this room isn’t Brattleboro. We’re in a trap. The ceiling is being lowered on us. We’re going to be smashed.”
Max thought for a moment. Then he called out again. “Lucky Bucky? Still there?”
“Still here, Max Baby. Still enjoying the little joke.”
Max went to the door and tried the knob. “Locked,” he reported to 99.
“The ceiling is getting lower and lower, Max.”
“Lucky Bucky?” Max called again.
“Here, Max Baby.”
“Just as a matter of curiosity, do you play much squash in this room?”
“Never used it before,” Lucky Bucky replied. “It was put in by the Spanish gentleman what built the joint. He used it to squash his enemies.”
“I see.”
“That explains a lot, I guess, Max,” 99 said gloomily.
“Yes, a great deal,” Max nodded. “Everything, in fact, except why, with no service lines marked on the walls and floor, it’s called the Squash Room.” He shrugged. “We’ll probably never know.”
8
“Lucky Bucky Buckley!” Max called.
Silence.
“He’s gone, Max,” 99 said. “He’s left us to our fate.”
Max looked up at the ceiling again. “Do you notice something strange, 99?” he said thoughtfully.
“Strange, Max? Well. . it isn’t every day I get crushed between a ceiling and a floor.”
“Not that. Something. . something not quite right.”
“Don’t you like the color of the ceiling, Max?”
“Off-white? How could I complain about that?”
“Then what?”
“I just can’t quite put my finger on it, 99.”
“Well, you’ll be able to soon, Max. At the rate it’s descending, I’d say that the ceiling will be within finger reach in about ten minutes.”
Frowning, Max looked about. He suddenly brightened. “That’s it, 99! Look-the door is disappearing!”
99 glanced toward the door. Only about half of it was still visible. The lower half seemed to have sunk below the floor.
“I don’t see why that pleases you so, Max. What good is half a door?”
“That’s not the point, 99. The point is, the ceiling is not descending!”
“Then how do you explain the fact that it’s getting lower?”
“It isn’t, 99. It’s an optical illusion.”
“You mean we’re not going to be crushed, Max?”
“Oh no, we’re going to be crushed, all right. But not because the ceiling is descending. It’s because the floor is rising. That explains why the door is disappearing.”
“Oh.”
“99, that’s a very important discovery. But you don’t seem very interested.”
“Max, if I’m going to be squashed between the ceiling and the floor, I don’t see what difference it’s going to make to me in the long run whether the ceiling is rising and the floor is descending or the floor is rising and the ceiling is descending or vice versa or anything else.”
“That’s shortsighted of you, 99. It so happens that the difference may make the difference between life and death. You see, if the ceiling were descending, we could assume that the force of gravity was being used to lower it. But the floor could not be raised by gravity, could it?”
“I don’t think so, Max.”
“Do you understand what I’m getting at, 99? A mechanical power, obviously, is being used to raise the floor. What does that suggest?”
“It’s time to duck, Max.”
“Pardon.”
“The ceiling is going to bump you on the head.”
“Oh.”
Max and 99 sat down on the floor.
“To continue,” Max said, “it means that the mechanical apparatus that is raising the floor is probably being operated by some sort of electric motor.”
“Is that what you were getting at, Max? I could have told you that.”
“I see,” he replied shortly. “And what brilliant reasoning did you use, 99, to figure it out?”
“I heard the motor go on when the ceiling began to descend.”
“I told you, 99-the ceiling is not descending, the floor is rising.”
“Well, whichever.”
“You’ve caught Brattleboro’s fuzzy thinking, 99.”
“Max, what good is it going to do us to know that the mechanical apparatus is operated by an electric motor?”
“Guess, 99. What should we do next?”
“Duck again, Max.”
They flattened themselves on the floor.
“And what else, 99?”
“Send out for syrup?”
“I don’t quite follow that, 99.”
“In a very few minutes, Max, we’re going to be flatter than a couple of pancakes.”
Max shook his head. “That’s not it. The thing to do now is contact the Chief and have him contact the Electric Company and have the Electric Company shut off the electric power to the island.”
“Max! That’s a brilliant idea!”
Max got his shoe phone and dialed. “Let’s just hope the Chief’s line isn’t busy,” he said.
Operator: Number, please.
Max: It’s me, Operator. Connect me with the Chief.
Operator: Me who?
Max: Me Max.
Operator: The Max who was dropped into a well of boiling oil and devoured by crocodiles? Where are you calling from?
Max: From a Squash Room, Operator. Will you connect me with the Chief, please.
Operator: How did they get the Squash Room into a crocodile?
Max: They didn’t. And I don’t have time to discuss it. 99 and I are about to be ground between the upper and nether millstones. So connect me with the Chief.
Operator: One moment please.
(click)
Chief: Control. . Chief here.
Operator: It’s Max calling, Chief. He and 99 are going to pretend to be dirt.
Chief: What?
Max: Operator, I said no such thing!
Operator: You said you were about to be ground.
Chief: Did you say that, Max? If you’re going to use that shoe phone to talk nonsense to the operator, I’m afraid I’ll have to take it away from you. It’s not a toy.