“What happened, Max?”
“Mr. Lincoln couldn’t talk any more.”
“I imagine he was pretty busy.”
“Yes. He said he had a long speech written and he had to edit it down so it would fit on the back of an envelope.”
“What did the Chief say, Max?”
“He called me a nut. Remember when Lucky Bucky Buckley tossed my shoe phone out the window, 99, and it hit V. T. Brattleboro? Well, apparently the blow unzopped him. Anyway, he called the Chief on my shoe and told him that you and I are dead. And the Chief believed him.”
“Maybe Brattleboro believes it, too.”
“Possibly.”
“The Chief, I suppose, refused to ask the Air Force to bomb the island out of existence.”
“Right.”
“What do we do now, Max?”
“Carry on, 99. We have no other choice. In spite of the fact that we will undoubtedly be too late, we’ll have to try to find our way back through the jungle to the castle and attempt to stop Lucky Bucky Buckley and Guru Optimo.”
“It sounds like a complete waste of time to me, Max.”
“Well, look at it this way, 99-what else do we have to do?”
“That’s a point.”
“Backward, 99!”
“Don’t you mean Onward!?”
“No, backward, 99-back to the castle.”
“Oh.”
Once more, they plunged into the jungle, following the stream. The heat beat down on them. The vines lashed at their faces. And the brambles pulled at their clothes.
Max halted. “It’s no use, 99. We’re lost.”
“Max, why don’t you climb one of these palm trees?”
“It doesn’t appeal to me, 99.”
“To look around, I mean. Maybe you could spot the castle.”
“Oh. All right.”
Max shinnied to the top of a tree.
“What do you see, Max?” 99 called.
“Well, I’m not sure. But it looks a little like a monkey.”
“I resent that a great deal,” the monkey said.
Max stared. “V. T. Brattleboro!”
“What is it, Max?” 99 shouted.
“It’s Brattleboro, 99.”
“Ask him what he’s doing up there!”
Max faced Brattleboro again. “You heard the question,” he said.
“I climbed up here for privacy,” Brattleboro replied. “I was making a phone call.”
“On my shoe?”
“Right. I had a sudden inspiration. I said to myself, why don’t I call the Chief and have him contact the Air Force and have the Air Force bomb this island out of existence. But I knew he wouldn’t do it for me-a KAOS agent. So I pretended to be you. Which wasn’t easy, because, earlier, I had called him and told him you were dead. But this time I told him that Brattleboro was wrong, I wasn’t dead. Then I asked him to contact the Air Force.”
“Yes? And?”
“He hung up on me.”
“I’m not surprised,” Max said.
“The call wasn’t a total waste, though,” Brattleboro said. “I found out that Mr. Lincoln will be in Gettysburg later today.”
“Oh. . good. He got the speech edited down, I guess.”
“What are you doing up here?” Brattleboro said. “I thought you were dead.”
“No, I’m not dead. And give me back my shoe. And I’m up here looking for the castle.”
“What would a castie be doing at the top of a palm tree?”
“Just give me my shoe!”
Brattleboro handed the shoe to Max. Max put it on, then slid down the tree trunk. Brattleboro followed.
“Did you see the castle, Max?” 99 said.
“99, what would a castle be doing at the top of a palm tree?”
“I don’t know, Max. If you knew it wasn’t up there, why did you climb the tree?”
“If you’re looking for the castle,” Brattleboro said, “I know where it is. I just left there.” He pointed. “You just follow that stream.”
With Brattleboro to show them the way, they had no difficulty at all finding the castle. But then another problem arose-getting past the guards.
“Stopped!” Max said.
“I’ll hypnotize them and make them think we’re somebody else,” Brattleboro suggested.
“How about the two Smith Bros, and their sister?”
“They might mistake us for beatniks,” Max replied.
“Casting agents from Hollywood?”
“Perfect!”
Brattleboro hypnotized each of the guards as they passed by. Finally, he had them all under his spell. Then Max, Brattleboro and 99 stepped out and walked toward the castle. The guards crowded around them, asking for roles in their next picture. Brattleboro promised them all a starring part. Then the guards wandered off to brood about the lack of privacy in a star’s life.
Max, 99 and Brattleboro reached the castle and entered.
“What now?” 99 whispered.
“Find and destroy Lucky Bucky Buckley,” Max replied. “We’ve been nice guys about this long enough.”
“Right,” Brattleboro said.
“Not you, us,” Max said.
“How will we find him?” 99 asked.
Max looked at his watch. “It’s noon. We’ll go straight to the great hall, and there, unless I’m greatly mistaken, we’ll find him at lunch.”
“Brilliant, Max!”
“I would have thought of that if my watch wasn’t slow,” Brattleboro said.
They proceeded quietly along the corridor until they reached the door to the great hall. The door was closed, but they could hear sounds inside.
“What is that?” 99 said, cocking an ear.
“Someone eating celery,” Max replied.
“Suppose it’s Guru Optimo? All we have to do is open the door and he’ll zop us.”
“We have the element of surprise in our favor,” Max said. “Here’s what we’ll do. Brattleboro, I’ll yank open the door. And before Guru Optimo can zop us, you zop him first. Make him think we’re three of the guards. That way, he’ll make no attempt to stop us.”
“Yes? Then?”
“When we get inside, we’ll tell Lucky Bucky that there’s a phone call for him in his room. When he leaves, we’ll follow him. And when we get him out here in the corridor we’ll overpower him and put him out of his happiness.”
“Put him out of his happiness, Max?”
“That’s the opposite of putting him out of his misery, but it has the same result.”
“Got it,” Brattleboro said. “You yank, and I’ll zop.”
“Right. Ready?”
“What do you want me to do, Max?” 99 said.
“Hum something, 99,” he replied. “In the movies, when the hero does something dangerous like this, there’s always music in the background.”
“Anything special, Max?”
Brattleboro spoke up. “How about ‘I’ll be Glad When You’re Dead, You Nice Guy, You’?” he said. “That’s our KAOS fight song.”
“What’s the tune?” 99 asked.
“It’s sung to Shubert’s Symphony No. 3 in D Major as played by the Hanky Panky String Band, H. Panky, conductor.”
“If you two don’t mind,” Max broke in, “Could we get to the yanking and the zopping now?”
“We’re waiting for you,” Brattleboro said. “You’re on yank.”
Max yanked.
Lucky Bucky was seated at the table alone, gnawing on a stalk of celery. He looked up.
“Looks like I’m stuck with a zop,” Brattleboro said.
“Keep it handy,” Max ordered. “Guru Optimo could show up any second!”
“Guards!” Lucky Bucky yelled.
Max ran to him and clapped a hand over his mouth. Brattleboro arrived and grabbed his arms and held them behind him.
“Now, if you’ll promise not to struggle and not to yell, we’ll release you,” Max said.
“Mmmrbphempydmp! ”
“I think we have a little problem,” Max said. “Was that yes or no?”
“Take a chance,” Brattleboro suggested.
Max took his hand from Lucky Bucky’s mouth.
“You can’t get away with this!” Lucky Bucky said. “I’ve got guards posted in every corridor and Guru Optimo is on his way down now to lunch!”
“We just came from the corridor,” Max pointed out. “And there were no guards.”
“You weren’t looking!”
“It won’t work,” Max said. “We’ve got you now, and we’re going to do to you exactly what you tried to do to us.”
“Maxie Baby, it was only a game,” Lucky Bucky persisted. “You think I meant to hurt you, kicking you into a bottomless pit?”