Clearly Philip could not have sent my wedding picture to England with Mr. Prescott if he had left it in Renoir's possession. Renoir certainly had no cause to deceive me in the matter; if anything, it made perfect sense that the photograph remained with him when Philip left for Africa. It would have taken Renoir longer to paint the portrait than the brief time my husband had spent in Paris on his fateful trip. And what of Andrew? I had no idea that he'd returned to Paris only a few weeks ago; he had not mentioned it to me. The timing would mean that he'd left England soon after I refused his proposal. Perhaps he had traveled in an effort to mend his broken heart. Regardless, it appeared that Andrew must have taken the picture from the studio after Renoir showed it to him. How else could it have come back to England? But what could have motivated Andrew to do such a thing? Surely not petty revenge after my rejection.
Worrying about why Andrew had done it troubled me, but not nearly as much as what it might imply about Philip's current status. My confidence in finding my husband alive began to ebb, and as I felt it drift away, tears streamed down my face. Realizing that I looked rather conspicuous, I decided to keep walking; I did not want Cécile or any of my friends to find me just yet. Most of all I did not want to return to the Meurice, where I was certain to see the Palmers.
I headed away from the Opéra, keeping my head down lest I see anyone who might recognize me, and walked as quickly as I could all the way to the Cité, where I sought refuge at Sainte-Chapelle. The day not being especially bright, there were few tourists inside the church; the stained glass could not be viewed at its best under a cloud-filled sky. I sat on a bench facing the southern wall with its glorious windows, not particularly caring what I saw. Confident that no one would search for me here, I dropped my head into my hands and sobbed quietly.
The sun began to set, and as my surroundings grew increasingly dark, I felt comforted by the absence of light in the medieval chapel. Too soon an elderly man approached me and told me the hour had come for the building to close. Seeing my swollen face and red-rimmed eyes, he suggested that I move to Notre-Dame, where I would find only the choir closed to visitors. I took his advice and spent an immensely soothing length of time in the nave of the magnificent cathedral. My mind somewhat cleared, I decided to walk the length of the Cité to the Pont-Neuf, my favorite of Paris's many bridges.
I stopped near the center of the bridge as it approached the Right Bank and relished the commanding view I had of the Louvre. The moon's brightness as it slipped out from behind a cloud shocked my eyes after the easy candlelight of Notre-Dame, and I considered returning to the cathedral. Before I could make up my mind, I heard a man's voice calling my name. I turned around, startled, and was utterly astonished to see Colin Hargreaves striding toward me.
"Emily!" he cried, grabbing both of my arms. "What are you thinking, standing here by yourself in the middle of the night?"
"Good evening, Mr. Hargreaves. It's quite delightful to see you, too," I quipped. "It is hardly the middle of the night. I don't think it's later than eight o'clock."
"It's already dark, so the hour is irrelevant. Have you no regard for your safety?"
"At present, no, I do not. I thank you for your kind inquiry." I turned my face from him and looked back at the river.
"Thank God I happened upon you. What on earth are you doing? You've been crying. Pray, tell me what is the matter. Have your friends abandoned you?" He placed his gloved hand gently on my cheek; the sensation was so comforting that I did not ask him to remove it.
"Quite the contrary, I assure you. They are most likely mad with worry after my hasty departure," I said, trying to smile. "So much has happened today."
He put a hand to my lips and pulled me close to him. "My poor girl. There is no need to discuss it if you would rather not." I let my head rest against his chest in a most inappropriate fashion. He said nothing further until I pulled away from him.
"Thank you for solacing my wretchedness. Truly, I have had a most disturbing day."
"Can you trust me with your worries?" he asked, his voice deep. I tilted my head and looked into his dark eyes. A funny choice of words, I thought. Can I trust him? Not knowing the answer to that question, I remained silent.
"I do not want to pressure you into a confidence, Emily. You are too dear to me." This revelation should have startled me, but I found that it did not; in fact, it seemed completely natural. I met his gaze and parted my lips to speak. Before I could utter a sound, he embraced me and began kissing me with an urgency I had never before felt. Despite myself, I relaxed in his arms, returning his kisses at least as passionately as he bestowed them on me. Soon I touched his hair and tried to pull him closer to me, as if that were even possible. Then, all at once, I thought of Philip. I pushed Colin away from me and slapped him soundly on the cheek, aware of the unfairness of my action even as I did it. He did not flinch.
"I deserve that," he said calmly, looking me straight in the face. "But I am afraid that I cannot apologize to you. Kissing you is, without a doubt, the most ungentlemanly thing I have ever done. However, to beg your forgiveness would be completely dishonest, because, given the same opportunity, I would do it again."
"How could you do that when you know Philip may be alive?" I cried, trying unsuccessfully to slow my breath to a normal rate of respiration.
"I would never have done such a thing if I thought there were even the slimmest hope of such a possibility. You know that, Emily. He was my best friend."
"I do not know what to think," I said, my head spinning. The only thing of which I felt certain was the intense anger inspired by the man standing across from me.
"I shall not pretend to know all that is troubling you at the moment, although I think I have a fairly good idea. I can only offer clarification of my own actions. I am very much in love with you, Emily," he said huskily, raising my chin in an attempt to force me to look at him. "I have been since I had the good fortune to escort you home from Café Anglais during your last visit to Paris. I adore the fact that you have so willingly shed the restrictive mantle of your upbringing, and love absolutely the woman you have become. I want to argue about Homer with you, help you learn Greek, take you to see Ephesus."
"And what do you expect me to say to that?" I asked, finally able to meet his eyes.
"I expect nothing. Forgive me if I have offended you. I would never want to bring you any discomfort."
"That is precisely what you have succeeded in doing, Mr. Hargreaves," I said, my heart pounding. "I have never sought love from you, and your conduct tonight has ensured that my feelings on the subject shall never be any different. Would you be so kind as to hail a cab for me? I should like to return to my rooms." He did as I asked immediately and helped me up to my seat.
"Know that you can call on me at any time if you are in trouble. I could not live with myself if anything happened to you, Emily."