Andrea smiled at her reassuringly. “On the case we had with Reynolds’s team, out near Barstow,” she said, “I was abducted by our serial killer.” She looked away for a moment. “I was bait, basically. We had a tracking device on his truck. And thankfully, also on a watch I was wearing.” Andrea looked back at her. “We got in a different truck, so Cameron and Reynolds were following the wrong one.”
“Oh, no.”
“He was a madman. And I was terrified that I would end up like those women. After he was through with them, he basically euthanized them and then…beheaded them.”
Sam shook her head. “I’m sorry. Cameron found you, obviously.”
“Yes. But your situation is different, isn’t it? I don’t think you had that sense of fear that I had.” Sam met her gaze and Andrea quickly continued. “I don’t mean to imply that you weren’t afraid of him. I know how many he’s killed. And I assume you should have been afraid of him. Only—”
“You’re right. And at first, I was.” It was Sam’s turn to look away. “Tori doesn’t understand what’s going on with me. And I can’t find the words to tell her.”
“I can tell there’s a little tension between you.”
“Yes.” Sam smiled at her. “We’re okay though. There’s nothing that could tear us apart. She’s…she’s the other half of my soul,” she said easily. Her smile faded somewhat. “Angel was never…well, he never physically harmed me. My wrists were tied the first day and I was tied to him. But the more we talked, the less I feared him and the more he trusted me. We shared meals. We gathered firewood. It was almost like we were on a backpacking trip together.” Sam blew out her breath and looked at Andrea. “Of course, I knew that we weren’t. Should I have tried to escape? Probably. But I was more afraid of the elements, of mountain lions, of getting lost, than I was of him.”
“That in itself must have been frightening,” Andrea said.
“Yes. Exactly,” Sam said. “I questioned myself. I was a cop. Yet I never tried to escape. I never tried to disarm him. I never—”
“From what Cameron said, Angel is too highly trained, Sam. You couldn’t have disarmed him.”
“I know that. But shouldn’t I have at least tried?”
“Look what he did to eight armed men just to escape.”
Sam nodded. “Yes. He’s killed so many. Yet I wasn’t one of them.”
“Why do you think that was?”
“Because in that short period of time, we formed a relationship. And he liked me.”
“And you liked him,” Andrea finished for her.
Their gazes met again. “Yes. I liked him.” A smile formed again. “He had these awful beef stew rations,” she said. “I hated them. So I asked him to go fishing. And he rigged up fishing gear and he caught a trout. And because he saw how much I enjoyed that, he decided on squirrels the next day instead of the very awful beef stew.”
“When we heard those shots, Tori was nearly beside herself.”
Sam nodded. “I imagine so.” Sam looked away. “I never once considered that. I was happily having dinner, not thinking that she could have heard the shots.”
“You feel guilty?”
“Yes. I feel guilty for so much. You were tracking me. Did you take the time for a bath? For a swim? Did you eat fresh trout?”
“No.”
“No. And Tori was worried that he was keeping me tied to a tree or something. Worried that he wasn’t even feeding me.” Sam waved her hand in the air. “And I was acting like I was on a goddamn backpacking trip.”
“We all do different things to cope,” Andrea said.
Sam’s laugh was quick. “Are you trying to make me feel better? This man that I was traveling with had knocked out my best friend. I didn’t even know if Leslie was okay or not. Yet I’m following him around the mountain like we’re simply out…hiking, for God’s sake.”
“Sam, you’re the only one who can reconcile this guilt that you feel. What I’m trying to say is, you coped the best way you could. And obviously, it was the right way. He didn’t kill you.”
“But he got away. And then he intentionally drove to a checkpoint. And they beat him up.” Sam shook her head. “And I feel guilty for that too. He said he got caught because he wanted to make sure I was okay. And I believe him. I think that’s exactly what he did.” Sam reached out and grabbed Andrea’s arm, tightening her fingers around it. “I should have known he was going to escape. He told me he’d been in worse jams than that. I should have known. I should have said something to Cameron.”
“You can’t feel guilty over that, Sam.”
“He killed eight more,” Sam whispered. “Eight.”
“You can’t take the blame for his actions, Sam. You were a victim, too.”
“That’s just it. I don’t feel like a victim.”
Andrea’s smile was gentle. “Which is at the root of why you feel so guilty.”
Sam nodded. “Yes. I know what Tori went through emotionally. I know what Leslie went through physically. Yet I didn’t suffer,” she said.
“Didn’t you? I think you’re choosing to forget how you felt when he first took you. You’re forgetting the fear you had.” Andrea’s voice gentled again. “You’re suffering right now, Sam.”
Yes. She was. But it was a different kind of suffering. She sighed. “Have we accomplished anything?”
“I hope it helped you to say some of this out loud,” Andrea said.
Sam gave her a slight smile. “Yes, it has.” She reached over and touched Andrea’s arm again. “Thank you for talking. And not interrogating.”
“Sure.” She paused. “Is that what Eric did this morning?”
“He tried. Tori ran interference,” she said with a quick laugh.
Andrea smiled too. “Eric is a good guy. He was following orders.”
“Oh, I know. He was very apologetic about it. But really, for as much as Angel and I talked, it was mostly personal stuff. He didn’t give me any idea of where he might be hiding. Or where the money is. I don’t have a clue.” Sam sighed. “Reynolds seems to think I’m repressing something. Or intentionally omitting it.”
“Reynolds is old school and by the book. Besides, it’s personal for him, too. One of the agents killed was a good friend of his.”
Sam met her gaze. “You said personal for him too…meaning it’s personal for me.”
“Isn’t it?”
Was that what had her in such a funk? That she felt this whole situation was now personal for her? As if she had some stake in it.
Andrea sensed her hesitation, and this time it was she who reached out to touch Sam’s arm. “I don’t mean that in a derogatory way, Sam. I’m not judging you. But as you said, you feel like you have a relationship with him. The guilt that you’re harboring stems from a lot of different avenues.”
“Everything that he’s done, the killing of innocent people, that family,” she said. “Yet I don’t want the same to befall him.” She shrugged. “I guess I want him to be captured without incident and spend his life in prison.” She met Andrea’s gaze. “Of course, I know that’s not going to happen. He won’t be taken alive.”
Andrea nodded. “What if Tori is the one to take the shot?”
“I would feel terrible,” Sam admitted. “And I would question whether she did it for justice…or if she was simply settling the score with him.”
Andrea leaned back against the table, her gaze going to the swing set where the kids were laughing. “When Cameron and I first worked together, I had no idea how Murdock’s teams operated. I think Cameron’s intention—when we found Patrick Doe—was to kill him without even attempting to apprehend him. I told her I wasn’t going to be judge and jury. That’s not how I was trained.” She turned to her. “But when it came down to it, I was the one who took the shot. And in that instant, I had no thought other than shoot to kill. He had a knife. He had injured Cameron. I was judge and jury at that moment. And I took the shot.”