Wicked, wicked Alyx headed straight for me, blue eyes sparkling like a bucket of diamonds. She showed me a wicked, wicked smile and leaned forward to offer me a world-class glimpse of a wicked, wicked decolletage.
"Bad girl," I told her. "Daddy's going to spank."
"Promise?"
"You're hopeless."
"I've got plenty of hope. I know you can't resist forever. I see you took the trouble to dress up." She grabbed my right arm, did a little wriggle-and-spin move before I realized what she was doing.
Her daddy was not amused.
"I... What're you doing?"
"Tinnie was right behind us."
The devil herself stepped into the room. Red hair, green eyes, freckles, a shape to make men sit up nights cursing the sun and the moon and the stars because there was only one of her to go around. She wore green velvet. She eyed Alyx, checked the goofy look on my clock, shook her head and allowed Puddle to guide her to the side of the table where the Tates would be stationed. Like most everyone else I know who passes as more than a remote acquaintance, Puddle treats Tinnie like an empress.
Alyx said, "Damn. That didn't get a rise out of her. How 'bout you?"
"Well, you did get your dad all steamed up. You'll hear from him later." Max and I might be friends but there was no way he was going to let me get involved with his baby. Not that he's a snob. He just don't think my prospects are any better than those of highwaymen or pirates, professions notorious for their high rate of turnover.
Alyx went over and dropped inelegantly into a chair beside Tinnie. They fell into conversation instantly, probably beating up on me. They were close friends, despite Alyx's relentless campaign to slide her shoes under the end of my bed.
Morley reappeared. He had changed clothing. He wore a lady-killing costume now. I kept a straight face. He cast covert glances into the dark corner where Singe and Evas lurked, trying to avoid notice. Evas was busy playing peekaboo with the Goddamn Parrot but didn't miss Morley's return.
Kip had discovered Evas, too. He was scared to death. I said, "Play, tell Kip it's all right. She's on our side."
Well, I was hoping she was. Things might change suddenly if she found out she had a ride home.
"Are you ready to begin serving?" Morley asked. "The kitchen is ready for you."
"Not yet. I'm waiting for the boy's family to show."
He stared at Evas and the jungle chicken, which Evas had just uncovered. "There's something about that creature... "
Something she was projecting herself. I'd felt it back at the house more than once. "Yes, there is. Would you like me to introduce you?"
"I'm talking about Mr. Big, Garrett," he lied.
"That's one of the better straight lines you've ever handed me but I'm going to let you off. You were distracted. Let me mingle with my guests. You want something to do, a wine course might be appropriate right now." A suggestion that Dean had offered on the way over, as a way of dealing with time that had to be filled.
There was an extra Tate as well as the Weider lawyer. His name was Lister. He was a cousin in his thirties. Outsiders occasionally confused him with Tinnie's deceased pop, Lester. Lister passed as the family legal expert. He was a square-jawed, dark-haired, immaculately clothed and groomed, painfully handsome character who had a hint of the weasel gleaming from the corners of his eyes. For some reason I think of him as the Lawyer of Times to Come.
I know of no one in the Tate clan who likes cousin Lister. He's tolerated because he's kin and because he's good at what he does.
Cousin Lister has no clue how his relatives really feel about him.
Like every human family in TunFaire, great or small, the Tales have menfolk buried in the Cantard. Full-length frog fur coats are more common than grown men who avoided military service in the war zone.
Lister Tate, without halfway trying, wangled himself an army assignment that kept him right here in TunFaire, as the armed forces' liaison with their biggest suppliers of boots and leather accoutrements. He didn't even move out of the family compound. Nevertheless, he promoted himself an out-of-barracks housing allowance that exceeded the pay rates of men like myself, at my highest rank, even including the combat bonus I got while I was in the islands.
I worked my way around to Tinnie. "My good fortune never ceases to amaze me. I was daydreaming about meeting a beautiful redhead. Look what walked through the door."
"I saw what you were daydreaming about. A slutty blonde young enough to be your baby sister."
Alyx snickered and bounced over a seat so I could settle between her and the redhead. She made some crude remark about the chair's warmth, that would've had her father looking for a switch had he heard it. I gave her a wink. "You could come be my baby-sitter."
Tinnie told me, "You ever call her bluff for real, big boy, you'd better have your running shoes on."
Alyx said, "If he does, he won't be able to do anything but crawl."
"You're going to put it all on me when she's talking like that?" I winked at Alyx again. She stuck her tongue out at Tinnie and started to hop into my lap. Then she noticed her father, Gilbey, and Congo Greeve all glaring at her. She needed to learn that some teasing wasn't acceptable in public.
"Yes. Because I expect you to know how to say no."
That seemed a tad unrealistic but I didn't insist. Instead, I said, "Uh-oh," with very little regard for Tinnie's opinion.
Kayne Prose had arrived. Making a grand entrance, just ahead of Cassie Doap, who seemed to have adopted a flamboyantly flirtatious personality for the evening. Tinnie stomped a foot. She wasn't used to this level of competition.
In fact, she was rather exceeded.
Mother and daughter wore newly made gowns. Their creation must've required the needles of all Kayne's cooperative sisters. Both gowns flattered outrageously what begged for very little flattery in the first place.
Slack-jaw disease raged among the menfolk in Morley's private dining room.
Even Dean's imagination seemed to come to life.
Rhafi came in behind his mother and sister, rendered almost invisible by their glory.
As happenstance had it, Lister Tate was the only married man in the room. The bachelors and widowers all looked ready to revel in their status.
When time and doom catch up with me and I have to slough off this mortal realm, I mean to thank the gods for having blessed me with the chances I've had to get to know so many comely women. I expect to start working on my speech about ten thousand years from now.
Manvil Gilbey caught my eye, projected the unspoken question: Was this something I'd laid on for Max? Max could not seem to stop staring at Cassie Doap.
I shook my head, mouthed, "But if it'll help... "
Puddle showed the newcomers to their seats, near Playmate and Kip. Even he was having trouble breathing. There were far too many beautiful women in that room, each of them trying to one-up the others.
Tinnie let me have an elbow, putting plenty of force behind it. "That's for what you're thinking."
"I apologize. I'll never think of you as an object again. From now on it's nothing but business. From now on you'll be Mr. Tate in my every act and thought."
That earned me a repeat stroke of the elbow. "I'd better not be." The fickle woman.
Alyx said, "Look at Dad! I think the old bull's in rut."
Tinnie muttered, "Alyx, sometimes you're too juvenile even to amuse me."
I moved up to my place beside Dean, which was my signal that the evening was about to become serious. Those who weren't in their official seats found them. Once everyone sat down there was very little room to spare. Morley had another place setting on each long side but it would've taken a shoehorn to get anybody in. I introduced everyone, including Morley as host, then Evas and Singe as they took their seats to the left of Dean and to the right of me, without explaining their presence. I thought they ought to stay mysterious. They drew stares but not even Lister Tate was gauche enough to demand information about them.