“Since when do jungli creatures have to believe?” I yelled back.
“Get a religion and learn some respect.”
So I’ve informed Farouq that with us animals, our religion’s eating, drinking, shitting, fucking, the basic stuff you do to survive.
“You dirty fucker,” he said, “all this animal crap, it’s just an excuse for behaving badly.”
Now, when I mention Muharram, which is drawing near, he gets hot under the collar and says that this year I had better not try any such tricks or he will personally throw me in the fire.
“Think I’m afraid of the fire? Go across fast enough it doesn’t have time to burn, otherwise a filthy-souled person like you would burst into flames.”
“If it’s so easy, why don’t you do it?” he challenges.
“Well, maybe I will.”
“Big fucking mouth you have, you won’t dare.”
“Want to bet?”
“Bet,” says he, so he bends down, we shake hands, cut, and it’s done.
The jeweller’s sat on a cushion, talking with a friend. We say why we’ve come, I remove the money from the bag and count it out before him.
“It’s the debt of Pyaré Bai. Zafar brother says to tell you this is a complete end to the matter, you should now return her belongings.”
The guy’s checked the money with a look on his face like he never really wanted to see it again, this is the way these moneylenders work, lend a small amount, interest of ten percent per month, who’d want the money back?
“Zafar bhai said to give a receipt.”
“Zafar bhai this, Zafar bhai that,” the man sneers. “I know your Zafar bhai, he’s a troublemaker, always sticking in his nose where it’s not wanted.”
“His nose is fully wanted. Zafar bhai also says that you are to leave Pyaré Bai alone, there must be no more harassment.”
“Listen to this sadak chhaap giving orders to his elders and betters. Who do you think you’re talking to?”
“Just give me the receipt,” says I, “names we can swap later.”
The moneylender by now is angry, he’s called out behind and a couple of his goons come into the shop. “What’s up, boss?”
“This kid,” he says. “Needs a fucking lesson in manners. Needs to learn how to show respect.”
“Give me the receipt for the money,” I repeat, beginning to feel alarmed, for if I don’t get it, this guy could deny he ever received the cash.
“Sisterfuck, let me tell you, you don’t talk to me that way, understood, or I’ll kick your crooked arse out all the way down the street to Hazrat Mahal and from there maybe also to Ram Mandir.”
At this, Farouq who is leaning in the doorway picking his nails starts laughing. “That I’d like to see, uncle, it’s all this bugger deserves. Many’s the time I’ve been tempted to plant a foot on his unlovely butt. I’ve known him since he was a snotty kid of fifteen, never had he anything but abuse for his betters, so I fully understand your problem with him. His attitude is bad, his manners are uncouth, the stupid fuck actually thinks he’s an animal. This kid needs straightening out, your shoe up his backside would probably do wonders. Trouble is,” says he, “if you kick his arse down the road, I’ll be forced to kick yours right after him.”
The moneylender looks at him in wonder. “What’s this? Another insolent time-pass man, you and he are together?”
“Unfortunately, yes,” says Farouq, still looking at his nails. “I would not take pleasure, well not a lot of pleasure, in breaking your legs, but if you talk to me that way, don’t blame me if that’s what happens.”
“Saalé,” grunts one of the heavies, “just who the fuck do you think you are?”
“I think I’m Farouq Khan Yar-yilaqi. If you ever want to find me, ask for me at my uncle’s house. His name is Afroze Khan. I guess you’ve heard of him, if not just head down to Ajmeri gate, anyone will tell you the way.”
We got our receipt, hurriedly signed by the cringing moneylender who also promised to deliver Pyaré Bai’s pots and bicycle back to her without delay.
“You fucking hoodlum,” I said to Farouq, we were outside again, heading for Chunaram’s, “from where did you learn those B-movie dialogues?”
“Animal darling, don’t tempt me.”
“Well,” says I, “looks like we’ll be doing quite a bit of this type of work. I too should practise dark speeches, like Shatrugan, BATTAMEEZ KUTTÉ, MAIN TUMHÉ NASHT KAR DOONGA!!!” Shameless dog, I’ll destroy you!
Several passersby jump and start looking round to see where this terrible threat has come from. Farouq’s killing himself laughing. “Animal,” he says, “you might be an okay guy, if you weren’t such a cunt.”
TAPE EIGHT
A mystery is Elli. Zafar’s tried all his sources to find out who she is and where she has come from, come up with a big fucking nul. All we know is she had a big job in Amrika, she gave it up to come to Khaufpur. Then one day Dayanand lets slip that she had worked in a hospital for veterans.
“What’s the name of the hospital?” asks Zafar when I tell him this.
“Medical Centre.”
“Which medical centre?”
“Just the name’s Medical Centre. Dayanand said it was a huge building that stands on a hill. Veterans are soldiers.”
“I know what veterans are,” says Zafar. “Surely now we can trace her. Did he say which city?”
Nisha says, “I will go tomorrow and search on the internest.”
“What? You think Elli doctress’s picture will be on the internest?” I’ve given a loud snort of amusement.
“Why is it funny?” asks Nisha.
“I know what all kind of pictures are on the internest.”
They’re staring at me like I’ve said something wrong so I’ve nodded my head at Farouq. “He told me.”
“What did he tell you, darling?” It’s Nisha. Now they’re all laughing, except Farouq who looks like he’s wishing he wasn’t there. So here’s a chance to screw that fucker.
“He said it was part of my education. What he’d show me I’d never forget.”
Farouq too’s pretending to laugh. “Fool can’t take a joke,” he says, but I can hear his thoughts gritting, little bastard, my boot, your arse, so I’ve winked at him which makes him even madder.
“Animal, there are all kinds of things on the internest,” says Zafar, “not just the, er, what Farouq may have mentioned.”
“Can I come with you?” I ask Nisha. “The internest I would like to see.”
“Of course you shall,” says she, giving me a sweet smile. “After all, it is part of your education.”
Some time after this, I’m hanging round in the Claw when Elli appears and calls out, “Hey Animal, want to come in and hear the piano?”
“Definitely yes.” Where’s the harm? I’ll report to Zafar what I’ve seen.
Totally different is the building from when Ganesh and the others had it. More light’s coming through the windows, which in the gone era used to be brown. Everything’s clean. In the first room there are benches all round the walls, in the middle is a table covered with newspapers etc., in a corner’s Miriam Joseph sitting behind a desk, she gives me a smile. “Hello Animal, is madam going to look at your back?”
“She is showing me the piano.”
I’ll show you something else and all, says a voice in my head, it’s the rough one that sounds like pig-chunder.
What’s inside those pants, go for a closer look.
Elli ahead of me, calls, “It’s upstairs, are you okay to climb up?”
Surprised she’d be, what we can climb.
Shut your trap! I don’t want them spoiling things. No way’ll Elli doctress do anything of that kind. All the same, her arse-pumpkins wagging up the stairs ahead of me, well it is disquieting.