Jade didn’t have words for that, so she hugged him again.
“Stop making me cry,” Lucinda said behind them. “I don’t want to be blotchy for pictures.”
Jade’s stomach shifted. “Pictures?”
“We’re having a welcome-home party.”
“Now?”
“Well, when else?” Her mom pulled Jade through the foyer toward the grand living room. “I sent Sam for you to make sure you showed up.”
Oh, for the love of-
“Surprise!” yelled a bunch of voices as people popped up from the furniture and out of the woodwork-friends and family she hadn’t seen in far too long.
Jade’s gaze sought out a guilty-looking Sam’s.
Sorry, he mouthed. But before she could do anything-and killing him seemed to top her personal wish list-she was surrounded.
Twenty-six
Dell was as good at denial as the next guy, but even he was going to need some good distractions to get through Jade’s being gone.
Turned out, he got plenty of distractions.
He was called into Belle Haven at five A.M. A fivemonth-old golden retriever had consumed a kitchen towel and gotten deathly ill.
Dell met them at the center and confirmed his suspicions-the dog’s intestines were blocked by towel shreds. He operated and was back in his office by seven, leaning back in his chair studying the ceiling.
His eyes felt gritty. He was exhausted, but every time he closed his eyes he saw Jade. He could feel her touch, hear her laugh, taste her tears in their last kiss.
Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath. He’d been such a cocky son of a bitch. He’d actually convinced himself that Jade being the one to walk away was a good thing. He wouldn’t have to break her heart.
And then he’d gotten his broken. He had definitely not seen that one coming…
His door opened. “Mrs. Mason’s Chinese Shar-Pei puppy is in exam one,” Keith said. “Star was wounded in a scuffle with a housemate.”
The twelve-week-old Star weighed all of ten pounds dripping wet. Her “housemate” was a twenty-pound Siamese cat with the disposition of Scrooge. Shit. Well, he’d needed more distractions…
It was easy enough to busy himself. He’d already fucked up his neat, organized office. That had happened the day Jade had left. He was back to his old ways. If she wanted to fix it, she’d have to get her sweet ass back here.
Only that wasn’t going to happen.
If he wanted her sweet ass back here, he was going to have to go get it. He was going to have to figure his shit out, figure out how to give her what she wanted and get what he wanted at the same time.
The next day Jade got up, showered, dressed, and drove into work. She parked in the lot, grabbed her purse, and reached into the backseat for Beans’s carrier.
Which wasn’t there, of course.
Jade had left the cat in the town house. The medical center was no place for her.
Beans had taken this as the final insult. After a three-day drive and being thrust into yet another new environment, she’d revolted, retreating to beneath Jade’s bed, and no coaxing or bribing could get her to come out.
Jade had been forced to leave her there or be late for work, but she felt like shit, like she’d let down the one friend she had in the same state as her. She locked her car and hurried out of the lot into the biting November cold. Her hand was in her purse, fingers wrapped around her can of hair spray.
Adam would be proud, she thought, not allowing herself to think of Dell because thinking of Dell brought a rush of emotions that made her knees weak and threatened her mascara.
And everyone knew, a Bennett never let her mascara run.
It was bright daylight and there was no danger now, not like there’d been that night, but unreasonable fears always trumped logic. She practically ran up the steps and then stopped, hand on the door.
The point of no return. Sandy was supposedly perfectly happy with going back to managing the Urgent Care Department of the center, but still, Jade didn’t like the idea of pushing her out.
Jade, Jade, Jade. What you don’t like is the idea of being back…
She took her hand off the door handle. A woman and a man walked up the steps behind her. The woman smiled politely and said, “Excuse me,” gesturing that Jade was in her way.
Jade backed up. The building was a large glass and concrete beauty, surrounded by other equally impressive buildings. Her father loved architecture.
Belle Haven wasn’t an architectural marvel, but the country exterior surrounded by the majestic, rustic Bitterroot Mountains had felt infinitely more warm and accepting and inviting.
Home…
She shook her head. The parking lot behind her was as busy as the streets, and so was the front door. People were entering and exiting around her. Between each, Jade stared at the door but never quite managed to walk through it. After a few minutes, the door opened and Sam came out. He was in a doctor’s coat with a stethoscope around his neck, his badge pinned to a pec pocket: DR. SAM BENNETT.
Clearly he’d been working but had either looked out one of the windows or been alerted to her presence. Who knew what she’d drawn him away from. “I’m sorry, Sam.”
“Jade-” He put his hands on her arms. “You’re shaking. Come inside, we’ll get some coffee and-”
“No.” She pulled free, taking one of his hands in hers and staring up into his handsome, caring face. “Sam, listen to me.”
“I’m all ears for you. You know that. Talk to me.”
“You remember how this used to be so exciting that we’d show up for work early? That everything we accomplished here was a thrill?” She could see in his eyes he knew exactly what she meant, that he still felt that way. She swallowed the lump in her throat. “I don’t feel that way anymore.”
He shook his head but she squeezed his hand. She needed to say this. He needed to hear it. “Being here isn’t the same for me. The very things that fueled me, working with people, living in a big city-it all paralyzes me now.”
“Jade,” he said, sounding raw and devastated. “You can talk to someone about that-”
“It’s not the attack.” She pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes, then dropped them. “Okay, that’s what started it. But that’s not what it is now. I’m not afraid, I just don’t want to be here. I’ve changed, Sam. This place isn’t for me anymore. And to be honest, I don’t think it ever really was.”
“What are you talking about? All your life you were groomed for this.”
“Exactly. I was groomed. I never made the choice. I’ll take responsibility for that, but it’s time, past time, for me to do what’s right for me.” Going up on tiptoe, she brushed a kiss to his jaw. “I love you. Please believe me when I tell you that I wanted to do this for you, for all of you. But I can’t.” She hugged him and felt the vibration of his cell phone furiously going off in his pocket. “You’re needed inside.”
He squeezed her hard. “You’re going back.”
Yeah. She was going back. She knew it as she crossed the lot and got into her car. She didn’t want to run a big empire. She wanted to sit at the front desk of Belle Haven and run that world. She wanted to see friendly faces, she wanted to play poker with her friends, she wanted to listen to Lilah wax poetic about Brady, she wanted to watch Adam play his tough guy while melting over the puppies he bred.
She wanted… Dell.
No, he hadn’t asked her to stay. He wouldn’t. It had been her decision to make and he’d trusted and expected her to make the right decision for herself.
She’d screwed up there.
She’d screwed up a lot. But she was hoping she was smart enough to learn from her mistakes.
Back at her town house, she stuck her key in the lock, figuring she’d pull Beans out from beneath the bed and load her things, which she’d never unpacked.