A cold sweat broke out all over my body; my breathing became shallow, ragged. I began to feel claustrophobic. A wave of dizziness assaulted me. A deafening ring filled my ears and my stomach cramped. I had to get out of here. Had to get away from Royce. Right. Now.
"I have to use the bathroom," I blurted.
He untangled his limbs from mine. "Hurry back."
I raced away. When the door locked behind me, I sucked in a panicked gulp of air. What was I going to do? I couldn't stay here all night, but I couldn't pick up my clothes from the floor and take a cab home, either.
I collapsed onto the toilet lid and hunched over, putting my head between my legs. Breathe. Just breathe. There was no reason to panic. I'd think of something.
How long I stayed like that, I don't know.
"Are you okay in there?" he called.
"Fine," I croaked.
When the ringing and dizziness subsided, I forced myself to stand and splash cold water over my too-pale face. "You don't seem to worry when he's inside you," I told my reflection. "So get him inside you again and your worries will melt away. He's your sex toy. Nothing more."
With a deep breath, I stepped out of the bathroom and sashayed toward the bed. Royce was splayed out, rumpled and sexy, looking satisfied but concerned. My chest constricted at the sight of him. His torso was lined with scratches and bite marks.
"You sure you're okay?" he asked, his tone dripping with worry.
"Yeah." He's my sex toy. Nothing more.
"Come here." My sex toy patted the empty space beside him.
"Do you want me again?" I asked hopefully.
"I want to hold you."
Well, crap. I dragged my feet. Slipped in next to him. Wanted to snuggle up to him-what the hell was wrong with me-but remained a short distance away. He's my sex toy. I frowned and turned my back to him. My stomach began to churn again. My palms began to sweat again. He's my sex toy.
"Naomi?"
Please don't ask me if I want to spoon. "What?"
"Is this about the condom?"
I paused. "What do you mean?"
"It broke that last time."
My mouth went dry. My blood mutated into ice. Total and complete silence surrounded us as my world crumbled. Ohmygod. Oh. My. Freaking. God. My lungs quit working and another rush of dizziness slammed into me. "Tell me you're joking. Please, tell me you're joking."
"I wish I could."
I twisted to face him, meeting his gaze. "How the hell. Could that. Have happened?"
"Hey, I'm healthy. No reason for so much worry."
"I'm glad to hear it, but what about the other thing, huh?" At the moment, I couldn't say the B word. Couldn't even think it.
He ran a hand down his face. "Aren't you on the Pill?"
"No, damn it!" A horrible thought raced into my mind and my nostrils flared. "Is this your way of trapping me in a relationship? Because if so-"
"Hell, no." He jolted upright, pinning me to the bed with the fierceness of his gaze. "I don't have to resort to that kind of tactic to keep a woman."
I believed him. I'd even known it, deep down, before the words had rushed out of my mouth. Some of my anger and panic eased, and I was able to identify another emotion, the barest glimmer, underneath the surface of everything else. An emotion I didn't yet want to name.
My hand fluttered over my mouth, then dropped to my heart. "I'm sorry," I told him. "I shouldn't have said that."
"I understand." He nodded stiffly and eased down beside me. He tangled a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, too. This has only happened to me once before."
I licked my lips as images of Royce playing blocks with a child, another woman's child, filled my mind. The tabloids had never printed a story about him being a father, but that didn't mean it hadn't happened. "Did the girl get-you know?"
"No."
"Maybe you're sterile," I said hopefully.
"Thanks a lot." Reaching behind himself, he folded his pillow in two and created a higher rest for his head. "Listen, I didn't mean to spoil the mood, but I thought you knew. And if you didn't, you needed to."
"You're right," I sighed.
A pause.
"I really enjoyed being with you, Naomi."
The words dangled like a lifeline, and I grabbed onto them for all I was worth. I didn't want to even consider diapers and the things that wore them-I still wasn't saying the B word. And I still didn't want to identify the ridiculous emotion swimming so determinedly through my veins.
"You roared so loudly," I said, "I think every person staying in this lodge knows you enjoyed yourself."
He chuckled, easing more of the tension between us, and pulled me into his arms. "Before we got in the plane, you mentioned an inner Tigress. I've been dying to question you all day."
A topic I could handle. "What do you want to know?"
"What exactly is it?"
I shrugged. "A Tigress is the part of a woman that is strong, self-assured and brave, able to do anything, say anything and always come out the winner. And-" I leaned toward him, lifted my hand and tapped him on the end of his nose "-a Tigress isn't particularly fond of Tigers."
"Hmm…" He took my fingers and kissed them, sucking them one at a time into the wet heat of his mouth. "Is there anything a Tiger can do to gain favor with a Tigress?"
As a delicious shiver ribboned through me, and even with the condom thing looming over my head, I knew I'd let him take me again. Like I'd realized in the bathroom, I didn't worry about anything but pleasure when he was inside me. Not emotions, not consequences.
"There is one thing," I said.
His dark brows slashed together. "And what's that?"
"He has to obey her every command."
Royce's deep, rich laughter echoed off the walls. "C'mere, kitty, kitty, and give me a command."
I leaned toward him, saying huskily, "You're going to let me kiss you right here." My fingers circled his cock. "And then you're going to pleasure me until I'm incoherent. You're going to pleasure me until I'm so sated I can no longer move." No longer think or worry.
"As a dedicated patron of the animal arts," he said, cupping my jaw, "I consider it a matter of pride to heed such a command."
We met in the middle. Our lips meshed together and our tongues collided. All worries forgotten. He tasted so good, like passion and heat and forbidden desire. My hands slid up his chest, the hard strength of his muscles covered by velvet-smooth skin.
When his lips moved away from my mouth, he placed a wet, hot caress along my jaw. "I really like this Tigress thing."
"You're about to like it even more." I inched my way down his body and took him in my mouth. He was big, very big, and my jaw stretched wide to accommodate him. I sucked him up and down, loving the heat and feel of him.
"Shit," he growled. "I'm going to come."
"Meeeooow," I said, a hint of wickedness in the undertones, then swallowed the taste of him.
An hour later, we hadn't moved from the bed. Rumpled linens had sprung from their corners and fit untidily around us. After two more rounds of intense sex, I didn't have the strength to race to the bathroom and have another mini-panic attack. I liked where I was, and even though that still scared me, I wasn't moving.
I'd allow myself tonight. Nothing more. Tomorrow I'd fight my attraction to him. Tomorrow I'd worry about possible consequences.
"I know you've told me you don't want to get married," Royce said, cutting through the silence.
He was lying on his back, hands propped behind his head. I was curled beside him, arms splayed over his chest. Every muscle in my body tensed at his words. If that was the beginning of our next conversation, I needed to seriously reconsider my decision not to move from the bed.