“Do it!” she yells out.
“Okay!” I yell back, and we both break into a fit of laughter falling back against the couch. I feel so happy just hanging here with her that I’m giddy. I don’t ever want to leave.
When she finally catches her breath she turns to me. “I hope your girlfriend appreciates you.”
I’m so relaxed and content that I open my mouth before I’ve thought it through. “I don’t have a girlfriend.”
“But I thought…”
“Nope!” I announce assertively, shaking my head. “Who has time for a girlfriend? The only girlfriend I’ve got is the one I draw every night for my comic book.”
“How did I get the idea you had a girlfriend?”
“I have no idea.”
“But don’t you like someone? You must have your eye on someone? You’re amazing and there are a lot of cute girls at Sketch Republic. What about that in-betweener, Genna?”
“Oh, I like someone, but she doesn’t know it.” I take a swig of my beer, and my head spins with my daring proclamation.
“Oh, this is exciting! I know, I know who it is…it’s that adorable Dani who was in your cube the other day, isn’t it?” She’s practically bouncing off the couch.
“Oh, yeah…Dani,” I say sarcastically, but I must be too subtle since she continues along this misguided path.
“I bet she likes you too. What’s stopping you? Have you taken her out?”
“We’ve gone out,” I admit, omitting the fact that the only time Dani and I went out is with Nick and the gang. I begin to wonder why I’m digging this hole. I guess I don’t want her to fully understand yet what a social freak I am.
“Well, did you kiss her? That gives a pretty clear message…hard to miss that, even if she’s clueless.”
My head falls forward as I begin to put all my attention on peeling the label off my beer bottle. My stomach is rolling. “No, I haven’t kissed her. I’m the world’s worst kisser, so that isn’t even an option.”
“What in the hell are you talking about…world’s worst kisser?” she slurs. “That’s impossible.”
“How would you know?”
“I can just tell. You’re creative, and creative guys are the best. Plus you’ve got those lips with that sexy mouth. Hell, I would kiss you just to get closer to your amazing teeth. It’s just impossible.” Her arms are waving dramatically.
“Well I love that you think I’d be great to kiss, but according to Rachel….”
“Rachel?”
“My girlfriend at CalArts…she hated kissing me—refused actually.”
“Do you have bad breath or something?”
Before I can respond, she practically crawls into my lap and puts her nose up to my surprised, open mouth.
“Wow, your breath is sweet, not bad at all.” She falls back to where she was sitting on the couch.
“Gee, thanks. No, my biggest problem is that I’m just stiff and awkward.”
“Oh, please…” She jumps up and reaches out for my hand. “I know I’m tipsy but never mind that. Do you want me to help you?”
“Sure, how?”
“I’m going to help you get over this crazy idea. Come on, stand up.”
I take her hand, and she pulls on me until I push myself up off the couch. I steady myself and smile to see her so serious, her fists perched authoritatively on her curvy hips.
“Okay,” she instructs. “Pretend I’m Dani and we’ve just had a date.” She starts pulling me forward.
Oh, good God, I moan inwardly. This is really getting out of hand. I need to stop it, but like a car crash that you know you should avoid looking at, it seems beyond my control.
“So Dani is walking you to her door to say goodnight. What do you say?”
“Um, I had a great time?”
“No, that’s too generic. Make it about her. ‘Dani, I hope you know how much I love spending time with you.’“ She takes my hand, as we get closer to the door. My fingers tighten over hers.
“Dani, I hope you know how much I love spending time with you,” I repeat, my heart thumping wildly with a mix of anticipation and fear.
“Can I see you again?” she asks in a low voice as we reach the door.
I swallow hard. “Can I see you again?” I whisper.
She pushes me against the door, and the look in her eyes undoes me. I forget that she is acting, demonstrating this scene for my benefit. All I can feel is this overwhelming passion I have for her. I’m already excited. Can I, can I?
“Can I kiss you?” she asks with those beautiful eyes searching mine.
“Yes,” I whisper as she steps forward. I feel her hands rest on my chest first before they move up to my shoulders. A second passes, and then she’s so close to me that I can feel the heat from her skin, her full breasts skimming my chest. Oh, Brooke.
What if, like every other time in my intimate history, I’m disappointing? What if she gets disgusted and gives up on me? I’m overwhelmed with fear, but I close my eyes and reach for her with my heart and soul. I say a silent prayer that this will be a moment where my life changes course, all my wrongs with girls will be right…this will be the kiss that’ll change everything. Or will it?
Animate Me / Chapter Five / Closed for Business
“Any more at home like you?” ~Lois Lane “Uh no, not really.” ~ Supermaniv
The minute her perfect lips touch mine the room goes black, but not in a good way. I gasp and my body seizes into one rigid mess. I’m an awkward statue, a frozen failure.
Her tender hand wraps around my neck, and her lips soften and coax mine, but the ship has sailed. The weight of every horrible kiss from my past slams into me, and the little sign in the window sadly flips forward, closed for business.
She presses on one more time, a hint of desperation and refusal to accept failure. This only makes things worse, and I pull away from her and raise my hands to cover my face. No, no, no.
I must have actually said the words because I instantly hear her shift in voice and tenor. “It’s okay, Nathan, it’s okay. Please don’t freak out.”
I blindly reach out for the doorknob to make my escape. I twist and pull, but she sees what I’m doing and she pushes back.
“No,” she insists.
“Please, please…just let me leave. I’m so embarrassed. Please…” I moan.
“No,” she says with more conviction. “This is my fault. I pushed it, and I want to fix it.”
I open my eyes wide, and frustration washes over me. “You can’t fix me. I’m just messed up. Something’s wrong with me, and I’m just not meant to be like this with anyone normal.” My chest is heaving, and I can’t look at her. My eyes are focused on the door leading into the hallway.
“Please,” she begs, and I hear the tears in her voice before I finally look at her and see them trailing down her cheeks. I take off my glasses, and rub my eyes.
“Brooke, please don’t cry.” I feel even worse, if that’s possible.
“Will you just sit with me for a minute please?” she asks, gesturing towards the couch.
I nod and follow her over, and as I sit back down she turns off the TV and puts her iPod in the dock. The Cure comes on in their dreamy atmospheric splendor. Oh great, emo music, I think shuddering. A minute later Brooke hands me a small glass with clear liquid.
“What’s this?” I ask.
“A shot of vodka, drink it please. It’ll help relax you.”
I knock it back without a thought. She has me now, even if I’m worthless. I would probably do anything she asks. I look up and imagine I can see the wheels turning in her head. Like Geppetto from Pinocchio, she’s trying to figure out how to fix her broken toy.
She crawls onto the couch and curls up next to me, taking my hand and gently rubbing it. Just when I figure she’s given up, she speaks.