“Actually a million times better,” I respond. “I can’t tell how many times I’ve dreamt of it being like this.”
“With Dani?” Her voice is soft and tender.
She knows the answer to this question. Maybe she wants to know if I’m brave enough to admit it. I take a deep breath. “No, with you,” I admit.
I can feel her body shift even though she stays quiet for a minute. I hold my breath waiting. Embarrassed, I decide to deflect the question back to her. I take a deep breath for courage before planting kisses along her shoulder. “Have you ever imagined doing that with me?” I try to stay calm despite my pounding heart; I desperately want to hear her answer.
Say yes, Brooke…say that you dream of me making love to you every single night.
“Yes, I’ve imagined it. I’ll tell you a secret,” she says softly. “Sometimes at work I want to lure you from your cubicle into a conference room. Then I imagine pushing you down into the chair at the head of that long table, undoing your jeans…”
“Yes?” I gasp, as I excitedly wait to hear the next part.
“…and then sinking to my knees and taking you in my mouth.”
I swallow hard. Whoa…in the conference room? “Well, that could be arranged,” I say.
“Would you like that?” she asks in a raspy voice.
“Yeah, I’d like that a lot,” I sputter, thrilled to know she’s fantasized about me too.
We continue to talk, undoubtedly both of our minds racing with the information we’ve shared. But after a few minutes the conversation shifts, I feel her soften into my embrace and then she speaks up again.
“Can I ask you something, Nathan?”
“Anything.”
“Tonight, the way you looked at me…the things you’ve said. This feels like it’s more than sexual attraction. It almost seems like you’re falling in love with me.”
For a moment I can feel the worry start to bubble up somewhere deep inside but I try to calm myself enough to respond to her.
Be brave…
“What if I am?” I say softly.
She’s so still, probably in shock. Well, I’m in shock too.
Please answer, Brooke. Say something…anything.
“You’re so important to me…but I’m so afraid to complicate things…mess this up.”
Complicate things? That sounds like a problem with a business deal. That doesn’t sound like love. My heavy heart falls.
“Everything with you is different, Nathan.”
“Different?”
“There are things I’ve never felt with anyone before. Sometimes I don’t know how to handle it, and it scares me.”
I pull her closer. I can’t help wondering how much of this is about Arnold. “Do you love him?” I ask, trying to mask the sadness in my voice.
“Arnauld?”
I can’t even speak; I just nod my head against hers.
“In the beginning I felt something I thought could have been love. But actually, now I understand that I never felt that way about him.”
Be brave…deep breath. “Do you think you could ever fall in love with me?”
There’s a long pause. I know this isn’t easy for her. I brace myself, in case her words crush me.
“I have so many feelings about you…as I said, I’m scared. I need to sort them all out. But you’ve got stuff to sort out too.”
Not really. I know my love for her is permanently etched into me, like a tattoo on my heart. But she’s still thinking of Dani and all the fiction I created while trying to build a bridge between our worlds.
It suddenly occurs to me that maybe this is too much for her…her fear of commitment may ultimately cause her to push me away. I can’t let that happen. I decide to soften the edges. I know she just needs time to get used to the idea of us.
“You won’t pull away from me, will you? I can still see you, be with you?”
“Yes, yes,” she sighs and pulls me closer. “I need you Nathan. Don’t worry, I won’t let you go.”
I skim my lips along her ear and into her hair. “Okay. Please don’t, Brooke. I need you too.”
We hold each other until the room grows brighter. She finally speaks up. “Hey, are you hungry?” She asks shifting to face me.
“Starving,” I smile, trying to keep things light.
“Pancakes?”
“Oh yeah…I’ll help.”
We tumble out of bed and pull our nightwear on before heading off to her kitchen. We’re sitting close at her breakfast table, our feet criss-crossed together.
“These are so good,” I say happily as I finish off my first stack.
She nods happily. I take a sip of coffee and look at the clock. Seven, I don’t need to be at work for another few hours. I help myself to more pancakes and settle in. It occurs to me that every morning could be like this if Brooke ever chooses me.
When we’re done I carry our dishes to the sink and start washing. She presses up behind me. “Oooo, I love a man who washes dishes.”
I press back. “I love a woman who makes me pancakes.”
“When you’re done you wanna watch cartoons?” She asks grinning.
“You need to ask? You pick. I’ll watch whatever you want.”
I can’t even imagine feeling happier than this.
When I finish the dishes we crawl back in bed, curling up together to watch Toy Story. Even though I imagine I’m more like Woody, I always root for Buzz. I love his unwavering confidence in his abilities. It almost doesn’t matter that he can’t actually fly as long as he believes he can.
When it’s finally time for me to leave, I pull on my tuxedo slacks and white undershirt, and sling my jacket and shirt over my shoulder. I look like one of those wild party boys the morning after…after he was up all night long in bed with a beautiful, sexy woman.
Hell, yes.
At the front door Brooke wraps her arms around me and I run my fingers through her hair. It kills me to leave her and the little cocoon we’ve wrapped ourselves in.
“What time are you going in?” I ask.
“I’m not sure I’m going in today,” she admits. “I might just take the day off and rest. It was a big night, you know.”
I grin. “Yeah, I’ll say. When can we talk then?”
“I’ll call you in the afternoon before you go to Starbucks.”
“I do home deliveries,” I tease.
“I’m sure you do,” she teases back as she opens the door. She leans into me and kisses me. “Thank you.”
“Please don’t thank me. Last night my whole life changed. You gave me an experience I was starting to think I’d never have. So if anyone is going to be giving thanks it’s me.”
She smiles shyly, takes my face in her hands and kisses me once more.
I regretfully move away from her, towards my car. But despite my reluctance to leave her, I’m energized knowing I’m a new man as I walk out the gate, a better man than I was when I entered just over twelve hours ago. And it’s all because of Brooke.
• • •
With everything on my mind, I’ve forgotten about my new haircut. Combined with my new glasses, my look is definitely different. But I’m reminded of this fact, as I pass the check-in desk in the lobby of Sketch Republic. The receptionist’s eyes widen and her mouth falls open as I walk past.
Honestly, it’s rather unnerving and I fear the worst when I finally face my gang. Unfortunately my trepidation was not unfounded.
“Ooooo look who got cleaned up for the Emmys,” Andy drawls as I turn the corner into production.
“You wish you could look this good, doofus,” I shoot back.
“Preet-taaay!” howls Joel.
Damn.
Genna peeks out of her cubical. “Wow, Nathan. You look really great with that haircut. I love the hot glasses too.”
I blush. “Thanks Genna.”
Just then Nick steps out of the break room and eyes me warily.
“Hey, Nick.”
He folds his arms over his chest. “How was the big night?”