I wince for a moment, feeling bad for her. I’m sure that’s going to be a hard letter to send. “I’ll tell you what, let’s go to the office supply place tomorrow ‘cause I need to get stuff too. Then we can get you set up so you can hit the ground running on Monday. You can bring your laptop over if you want to work on the letter and send emails before then.”
“You’d do that with me?”
“Of course. If you’re nice, I’ll even share my wireless with you.”
She grins, leans over, and kisses me. “Everything’s going to be all right, isn’t it?”
“Yes. We’ll make sure of it.”
That’s how it goes…I push, she pulls back and then we meet half way.
• • •
The next day, we’re at Staples, the office superstore, considering the selection of Post-it notes when she surprises me again.
“I started seeing a therapist,” she offhandedly mentions as she throws the three-inch, six-pack in the cart.
“You did?” I stutter. “Where’d you find a therapist?”
“Erika recommended her. Her name is Judy and she’s really great.”
“I don’t know much about that stuff. Do you just sit around and talk?”
We push our cart down to the file folders section while she thinks about my question.
“Well yes, but she directs it, kind of leads me into the stuff I need to work on. You know, issues with my parents that led to my behavior now, that kind of stuff.”
“Do you talk about me?”
“Well, I’ve only seen her twice, but yeah. I talked about you a lot.”
“What did she say?”
“That you sounded like an amazing and supportive partner.”
I grin. “I like her.”
“She’s going to help me get over what happened, Nathan. I want to be the best partner I can be for you.”
I don’t know if it’s what she’s said, or the fact that we’ve agreed to share a shopping cart and all that implies, or that I’m a little worked up to see Brooke in yoga pants again, but I grab her and kiss her in the middle of the paper aisle. It’s one of those long, endless kisses where the world falls away and she’s all that exists. The stock boy, who’s trying to get to the neon colored card stock for a customer, has to clear his throat to interrupt us since we’re blocking him. Brooke giggles; we scoot over, and continue on.
Later that afternoon we’re on my bed again, this time with our laptops and other work related stuff. I’m doing research on the internet for a B-Girl story idea while Brooke goes through her emails looking for a show treatment that she’d been sent a while back. Her phone, which is dangling from the edge of her overturned purse, suddenly starts vibrating. It buzzes through three complete cycles, yet she doesn’t respond.
I look up at her. “Aren’t you going to answer that?”
She looks over at me and shrugs.
“The voicemail box must be full. That’s why it keeps ringing,” I explain. “You should at least empty it.”
“But what if I’m not ready to hear the messages?” she asks, looking uncomfortable.
“Well then don’t listen, I guess.” I think about the desperate call I left her. It must be there with all the rest of her calls. “But you’re going to have to do something by Monday if you’re going to start making business calls. People are going to have to be able to call you and leave a message.”
She lets out a long sigh. “I know you’re right, I’m just kind of scared of what the messages say.”
“Do you want me to listen to them for you? I can be your screener.”
She smiles softly. “No, I can’t ask you to do that. Besides, this could be a step forward for me.”
“Yes, it will be a step forward,” I agree.
She studies me carefully. “Will you stay with me, though? In case I need moral support?”
“Of course.”
She lies back on the pillow and taps the keys to access her voicemail. I take her free hand in mine, and although I can’t hear the messages, I lay back as well, so I can watch her reactions.
As she listens to the first message she rolls her eyes. “My mom,” she informs me shaking her head.
“One down…five thousand, three hundred and forty-nine to go,” she teases.
The next few seem inconsequential. Then her expression gets dark. “Arnauld,” she shares.
My hand tightens over hers. She takes a deep breath. “What?” I ask.
“Nothing really. He’s just demanding that I come back immediately. This was Monday right after the meeting. He’s so angry.”
I nod and watch her expression. Her thumb hits the delete button without hesitation. It’s a whole other matter with the next call. She watches me with wide eyes as she listens. When a tear slides down her cheek, she closes her eyes and rolls on her side away from me.
“What, Brooke?” I ask as I move toward her. I notice that she’s dropped the phone on the bedspread as she curls into herself. I gently push down on her shoulder until she rolls back toward me.
“I can’t believe you left that message and I never heard it,” she says, her voice sorrowful. “You thought I didn’t love you anymore. It’s so heartbreaking.”
“I was really freaked out,” I admit. “I couldn’t understand why you hadn’t contacted me.”
“I hurt you so much, Nathan.”
“Yeah. I’d kind of lost it that day when I didn’t hear from you. As each day passed there were points I got really angry, and other times incredibly hurt. The worst part was just not knowing.”
“You needed me, and I wasn’t there. I wish I’d been strong enough to stay…to be by your side,” she says with regret.
“Me too,” I respond honestly. “What matters now is that you’re here. That counts, and you’ve promised to work it out and stick by my side no matter what we have to face moving forward.”
“But I’ll always feel like it wasn’t enough. I should’ve been there for you.”
“You did the best you could. For God’s sake, the whole week you were trying to help me.” I ease off the bed and set my laptop on the dresser, then take hers and do the same. Her phone joins them. When I crawl back on the bed I pull her in my arms.
“Time for a break,” I say softly.
“Good idea,” she agrees, running her hand over my chest and she cuddles closer. “You know, I don’t want that stupid phone anymore. I want a new phone, and I’m picking it out this time.”
That-a-girl. “Cool. Let’s go shopping tomorrow after brunch with my folks.” I look down at her and study her expression. “What?”
“Are you sure they want to see me…I mean, after everything that happened? You said that they know everything.”
“Are you kidding? Yeah, they know everything and that’s why they’re probably building a shrine to you at their house as I speak. They’re crazy about you for the kind of woman you are. It’s not just because I’m over the moon in love.”
“Really?”
“Yes. I promise.”
“Are Curtis and Billie coming?” she asks, looking worried.
“No, they’re not,” I assure her.
“Yeah, well, I want to see your parents. I want to thank them for taking care of you. You know…if I prove myself over time, maybe they’ll adopt me.”
I laugh. “I think they already have.”
Her eyes are wide, and her expression hopeful. “I can’t believe how much better I feel than I did yesterday. It’s like I’m getting my strength back.”
“Now you’re sounding like the B-Girl I know and love.” I look down and see that she’s grinning. “What?” I jiggle her.
“I’m just having a happy moment right now. For the first time in a long time, I feel the thrill of what might be right around the corner. Just think how things could be…B-Girl might be a big hit, I could find work that I love outside of corporate animation, we can take fun trips and be together without anything in our way.”
“It’s pretty exciting,” I agree, loving her positive attitude.
“You know something… you animate me, Nathan. It’s as if you’ve brought the real Brooke to life.”
I think of the hundreds of sketches I’ve done of her as I went from admiration to infatuation, from obsession, to pure and blissful love. The real Brooke was always there, she just needed someone to believe in her.