Then I felt the weight drop off me. I heard a loud series of thuds.
The hereth illint was complete. I had "burped" the crocodile.
It lay splayed across the tile floor, its big tail wrapped uncomfortably in the corner, blocking the door.
As for me, I was fully grizzly bear now. I stood erect, with my big shaggy head brushing the acoustical tile ceiling. I felt the amazing power in my massive shoulders. I felt the invincibility of the grizzly bear.
Nothing that lived could take down a grizzly bear. Except. . . except for perhaps the huge reptile at my feet.
Over the top of the stall door I saw a squirrel,
hunkering down on the toilet seat, shaking and quaking in squirrel style.
"The crocodile is eyeing me," I said. I felt terrible dread. You don't really know how deadly an animal is till you've been that animal.
I'd been the crocodile.
Grizzly bears are unbelievably powerful. They can swing their big paws and knock a horse to the ground. But the grizzly had no weapons to use on the crocodile. Not even the grizzly's ripping claws would tear a hole in the croc's scaly armor.
And once that crocodile latched its jaws onto any part of the bear, the bear... me ... would be ripped apart, piece by piece.
The crocodile eyed me coldly. It smiled its toothy crocodile smile. And then it lunged.
I saw a flash of teeth.
And then I saw a flash of gray.
A bushy tail and tiny hands and big brown eyes went rocketing past.
"Cassie!"
The gray squirrel leapt over the toilet stall door, flew through the air, landed on the crocodile's ancient dinosaur head and started scrabbling at its big slitted eyes.
The croc went nuts. It forgot about me, and began thrashing insanely in an attempt to throw off the squirrel.
And someone chose that very moment to try to get into the bathroom.
"I can't find another bathroom! I have to get in!" a woman said.
The crocodile thrashed its tail.
I lunged down at the crocodile, swiping with a paw the size of a canned ham.
And we all hit the bathroom door.
WHAM-BOOOM!
The door exploded from its hinges! Out rushed a crocodile with a squirrel on its head, and a grizzly bear.
"AHHHHHHH!" the woman screamed. I think she found another bathroom after that.
I tripped over the crocodile. I hit the floor. The croc was on me in a flash.
I tried to get up on all fours, but man, that crocodile was fast! With no time to get up, I could only power my way down the hall by clawing. I sunk six-inch claws into the walls and propelled myself, scooting along on my back, like some weird out-of-control grizzly skateboarder.
I scooted in terror, ripping the walls apart as I went. The croc scooted after me, snapping at the air just millimeters from my hind legs.
Cassie had almost been thrown. She was holding on to the croc's neck with all her strength, but she couldn't reach his eyes anymore.
And then, still scooting, I ran out of the hallway. With one last push I scooted on my back out
into the backstage area, trailing a huge crocodile and a chittering, manic squirrel.
People standing around off the set began to notice us.
"Ahhhhhh!"
"Help! Help!"
"Run! Run! Ruuuuun!"
Suddenly, crocodile jaws caught my leg.
HhhhhoooRRRAAWWRRR! I bellowed in pain.
A llama broke free of a trainer's hand and rushed with insane courage at the crocodile. There was absolutely nothing Marco could do, but he tried anyway. And it didn't take a lot of time before he was thrown clear. But he scrambled right up, and came back for more.
"Get those animals out of here!" the clipboard woman screamed.
"They're not my animals! They're not my animals!" Bart Jacobs yammered as he ran to hide. "I don't know where they came from!"
The croc started thrashing, grinding the bones in my leg. It was literally trying to tear my leg off!
And it hurt.
It hurt a lot.
ROOOWWWWR!
"Oh, no! The show will be ruined!"
"Should we go to commercial?"
"Who cares? Run! Ahhhhh!"
Maybe it was the sight of the brave-but-insane charge of the llama. Or maybe it was the fact that Cassie was once more scrabbling at the crocodile's eyes. But he opened his jaws just an inch.
Just enough.
I yanked my crushed leg out of the croc's mouth and tried to get far enough away that I could turn and fight head-on. Like that would work.
Unfortunately, this move ended up dragging the entire battle - grizzly bear, squirrel, llama, and crocodile - out onto the set.
Out to where Barry and Cindy Sue were gamely trying to interview Jeremy Jason McCole.
139 Out to where Jeremy Jason McCole was just starting to say, "Barry and Cindy Sue, I'm involved with this group that I think is really a wonderful organization. I think-"
Out to where brilliant lights illuminated our snarling, snapping, slashing, chittering, roaring ball of fur, claws, tails, scales, and teeth.
Barry leapt out of his chair and backed away at amazing speed.
Cindy Sue was cool. She just kept saying, "Can we get Bart Jacobs to come out here and remove his animals?"
Of course Bart knew better than to get involved in a fight between a crocodile and a bear. "They aren't my animals, you silly twit!" he yelled at Cindy Sue.
It was Jeremy Jason who was most surprising. He didn't run away. He didn't scream. He froze. He froze as stiff as a statue. The only thing that moved was his eyes. They kept growing larger.