Kitty had relayed this without attaching any significance to these words. But her mother understood them differently. She knew that the old lady was expected any day, and that the old woman would be happy about her son’s choice, and she found it strange that he did not propose through fear of offending his mother; but she so longed for the marriage itself, and above all for her fears to be allayed, that she believed this. However painful it was now for the Princess to witness the unhappiness of her eldest daughter Dolly, who was intending to leave her husband, all her feelings were absorbed by the anxiety over her youngest daughter’s fate, which was now being decided. Levin’s appearance that afternoon had added a new worry. She was afraid lest her daughter, who she believed had at one point nurtured feelings for Levin, would refuse Vronsky out of excessive honesty, and generally that Levin’s arrival would complicate and delay the matter which was so close to being concluded.
‘So has he been here long?’ the Princess asked about Levin when they returned home.
‘He arrived today, Maman.’
‘There is one thing I want to say …’ the Princess began, and from her eager but concerned expression Kitty guessed what it would be about.
‘Mama,’ she said, blushing and turning quickly towards her, ‘please don’t say anything about it, please. I know, I know everything.’
She wanted the same thing as her mother, but was offended by her mother’s motives for wanting it.
‘I just want to say that after giving one person hope …’
‘Mama, dearest, please don’t say anything, for heaven’s sake. It’s so awful to talk about that.’
‘All right, I won’t,’ said her mother, seeing tears in her daughter’s eyes. ‘But there is just one thing, my darling: you promised me you won’t keep any secrets from me. You won’t, will you?’
‘No, Mama, none,’ replied Kitty, blushing and looking directly at her mother. ‘But I don’t have anything to say now. I … I … if I wanted to, I don’t know what I would say, and how … I don’t know …’
‘No, with those eyes she cannot tell a lie,’ her mother thought, smiling at her excitement and happiness. The Princess was smiling at how immense and significant what was now going on in the poor girl’s heart must seem to her.
13
AFTER dinner and before the evening commenced, Kitty experienced a feeling similar to what a young man experiences before going into battle. Her heart was beating fast, and she could not keep her mind focused on anything.
She felt that this evening, when the two of them would meet for the first time, was bound to be decisive in her fate. And she kept imagining them, first on their own and then both together. Whenever she thought about the past, she would dwell with pleasure and tenderness on the memories of her relationship with Levin. Memories of her childhood as well as memories of Levin’s friendship with her late brother lent her relationship with him a particular poetic charm. His love for her, of which she was certain, was flattering and pleasing to her. And it was easy for her to remember Levin. By contrast, there was something awkward mixed in with her memories of Vronsky, although he was an extremely urbane and poised person; it was as if there was some kind of falsity—not in him, as he was very straightforward and nice—but in herself, whereas she felt completely natural and at ease with Levin. But then as soon as she thought about her future with Vronsky, a vision of dazzling happiness arose before her; with Levin, however, the future seemed unclear.
As she went upstairs to dress for the evening and glanced in the mirror, she noted with delight that she was having one of her good days and was in full possession of all her powers, and this was so vital to her for what lay ahead; she sensed in herself an outer serenity and a supple gracefulness in her movements.
At half-past seven, just after she had come down into the drawing room, the footman announced: ‘Konstantin Dmitrich Levin.’ The Princess was still in her room, and the Prince had not emerged. ‘So be it,’ thought Kitty, and all the blood rushed to her heart. She was horrified to see how pale she was when she glanced at the mirror.
Now she knew for certain that he had made a point of coming early in order to find her alone and propose to her. And only now for the first time did the whole matter appear to her from a new and different angle. Only now did she understand that the issue—with whom she would be happy and whom she loved—did not concern her alone, but that any minute now she would have to hurt someone she cared for. And hurt him dreadfully … And why? Because he, this nice man, loved her, was in love with her. But there was nothing to be done, this is the way it had and ought to be.
‘Goodness, do I really have to tell him this myself?’ she thought. ‘Well, what am I going to say to him? Will I really tell him that I do not love him? That would not be true. What will I say to him then? Tell him that I love someone else? No, it’s impossible. I’m going to go, I’m going to go.’
She was already approaching the door when she heard his steps. ‘No! It would be dishonest. What have I got to fear? I have not done anything bad. What will be, will be! I shall tell the truth. It’s impossible to feel awkward with him anyway. Here he is,’ she said to herself, seeing the whole of his strong and hesitant figure, with shining eyes trained on her. She looked straight into his eyes, as if begging him for mercy, and held out her hand.
‘It seems I have not come at the right time, I’m too early,’ he said, scanning the empty drawing room. When he saw that his expectations had been fulfilled, and that nothing prevented him from speaking out, his face darkened.
‘Oh no,’ said Kitty, and she sat down at a table.
‘But actually I wanted to find you alone,’ he began, not sitting down or looking at her, for fear of losing his nerve.
‘Mama will be down in a minute. She was very tired yesterday. Yesterday …’
She spoke not knowing herself what her lips were saying, and not taking her entreating, gentle eyes off him.
He glanced at her; she blushed and fell silent.
‘I told you that I don’t know how long I will be here … that it depends on you …’
She dropped her head lower and lower, not knowing herself how she would reply to what was coming.
‘That it depends on you,’ he repeated. ‘What I meant … What I meant … That is why I came … is that … to be my wife!’ he blurted out, not knowing himself what he was saying; but feeling that the most terrifying thing had been said, he stopped and looked at her.
She was breathing heavily, not looking at him. She felt exultant. Her soul was overflowing with happiness. She had in no way expected his declaration of love to make such a powerful impact on her. But that lasted for only a second. She remembered Vronsky. She raised her bright, truthful eyes to Levin, and, seeing his despairing face, hurriedly answered:
‘That cannot be … forgive me …’
How close she had been to him a moment ago, and how important to his life! And how foreign and remote from him she had become now!
‘It could not have been otherwise,’ he said, without looking at her.
He bowed and prepared to leave.
14
BUT at that very moment the Princess made her appearance. Her face was a picture of horror when she found them alone and saw their distressed faces. Levin bowed to her and said nothing. Kitty remained silent, not lifting her eyes. ‘Thank goodness, she’s refused him,’ thought her mother, and her face beamed with the usual smile with which she greeted guests on Thursdays. She sat down and began to question Levin about his life in the countryside. He sat down again, awaiting the arrival of other guests, so that he could slip away unnoticed.