Anthills of the Savannah

'But we must remember that these are not your scheming intellectual types or a bunch of Labour Congress agitators but simple, honest-to-God peasants who, from all intelligence reports reaching me, sincerely regret their past actions and now want bygones to be bygones. So it would be unfair to go up to them and say: "You can go away now, His Excellency the President is too busy to see you. You get me?"'

'Quite clearly, Your Excellency.' Okong was beginning to get the hang of his summons here, and with it his confidence was returning.

'That's why I have sent for you. Find some nice words to say to them. Tell them we are tied up at this moment with very important matters of state. You know that kind of stuff…'

'Exactly, Your Excellency. That's my line.'

'Tell them, if you like, that I am on the telephone with the President of United States of America or the Queen of England. Peasants are impressed by that kind of thing, you know.'

'Beauriful, Your Excellency, beauriful.'

'Humour them, is what I'm saying. Gauge the temperature and pitch your message accordingly.'

'I will, Your Excellency. Always at Your service.'

'Now if indeed they have brought a petition, accept it on my behalf and tell them they can rest assured that their complaints or rather problems — their problems, not complaints, will receive His Excellency's personal attention. Before you go, ask the Commissioner for Information to send a reporter across; and the Chief of Protocol to detail one of the State House photographers to take your picture shaking hands with the leader of the delegation. But for God's sake, Professor, I want you to look at the man you are shaking hands with instead of the camera…'

Professor Okong broke into another peal of laughter.

'I don't find it funny, people shaking hands like this… while their neck is turned away at right angles, like that girl in The Exorcist, and grinning into the camera.'

'Your Excellency is not only our leader but also our Teacher. We are always ready to learn. We are like children washing only their bellies, as our elders say when they pray.'

'But whatever you do, make sure that nothing about petitions gets into the papers. I don't want to see any talk of complaints and petitions in the press. This is a goodwill visit pure and simple.'

'Exactly. A reconciliation overture from Your Excellency's erstwhile rebellious subjects.'

'No no no! I don't want to rub that in. Let's leave well alone.'

'But Your Excellency, you are too generous. Too generous by half! Why does every bad thing in this country start in Abazon Province? The Rebellion was there. They were the only ones whose Leaders of Thought failed to return a clear mandate to Your Excellency. I don't want to be seen as a tribalist but Mr. Ikem Osodi is causing all this trouble because he is a typical Abazonian. I am sorry to be personal, Your Excellency, but we must face facts. If you ask me, Your Excellency, God does not sleep. How do we know that that drought they are suffering over there may not be God's judgement for all the troubles they have caused in this country. And now they have the audacity to write Your Excellency to visit their Province and before you can even reply to their invitation they carry their nonsense come your house. I think Your Excellency that you are being too generous. Too generous by half, I am sorry to say.'

'I appreciate your strong feeling, Professor, but I must do these things my way. Leave well alone.'

'As you please, Your Excellency. I shall do exactly as Your Excellency commands. To the last letter. I don't think Your Excellency has said anything about television coverage.'

'No no no no! I am glad you raised it. No television. Undue publicity. And before you know it everybody will be staging goodwill rallies all over the place so as to appear on television. You know what our people are. No television. Oh no!'

'Your Excellency is absolutely right. I never thought of that. It is surprising how Your Excellency thinks about everything.'

'You know why, Professor. Because it is my funeral, that's why. When it is your funeral you jolly well must think of everything. Especially with the calibre of Cabinet I have.'

'Your Excellency, may I seize this opportunity to formally apologize on my behalf and on behalf of my cabinet colleagues for our, shall I say, lack of vigilance. I say that in all humility and in the spirit of collective responsibility which makes each and every one of us guilty when one of us is guilty. One finger gets soiled with grease and spreads it to the other four… Your Excellency may be aware that I have never wished to interfere in the portfolios of my cabinet colleagues. It is not because I am blind to all the hanky-panky that is going on. It is because I have always believed in the old adage to paddle my own canoe. But today's incident has shown that a man must not swallow his cough because he fears to disturb others…'

'I don't quite get you, Professor. Please cut out the proverbs, if you don't mind.'

'Well, Your Excellency, I have been debating within myself what my path of duty should be. Whether to alert you, I mean Your Excellency, on your relationship with the Honourable Commissioner for Information and also the Editor of the Gazette.'

'Relationship, how do you mean? Can't you speak more plainly?' The level of irritation in his voice was now pretty high.

'Well, Your Excellency, I am sorry to be personal. But I must be frank. I believe that if care is not taken those two friends of yours can be capable of fomenting disaffection which will make the Rebellion look like child's play. And if my sixth sense is anything to go by they may be causing a lot of havoc already.'

'That's fine, Mr. Okong. I deal with facts not gossip. Now run along and deal with that crowd and report back to me as soon as it's over. No rush though. After they've had their say and you have replied I want you to stay with them and act as host on my behalf. I have arranged for them to be entertained to drinks and small chop. You are to mingle with them and make them feel at home. They are not students of Political Science but I am sure you will manage. The State Research Council is in charge of the entertainment but you are the visible host. Is that clear? Make them feel they are here on my invitation.'

'Very well, Your Excellency.'

Poor Professor Okong's last words were drowned by His Excellency's loud impatient buzzer and such was his confusion as he withdrew from the audience that he just narrowly escaped crashing full tilt against the heavy swing-door bringing in the orderly. Outside the door he stood for a while trying to regain full control of his legs which were suddenly heavy like limbs of mahogany. He felt he needed to find a chair somewhere and sit down for a while. But there was no chair in sight, only the vast expanse of grey-carpeted corridor. In any case he really had no time to stand and stare. He had an urgent national assignment to perform. He began to move again although three-quarters of his mind stayed on the crushing manner of his dismissal and particularly on the fact that His Excellency had called him mister. He stopped walking again. 'I am in disgrace,' he said aloud. 'God, I am in disgrace. What did I do wrong?'

'You still de here?' barked the orderly from behind him, and Professor Okong sprang into life once more. He felt somewhat light in the head. Perhaps the Chief of Protocol down the corridor would have some brandy in his cabinet. He could do with a shot.

Meanwhile the hard-faced orderly who overtook him on the corridor a while ago had turned into the Council Chamber, dismissed the detained Cabinet on his Excellency's latest orders and summoned the Attorney-General to his presence.