“You guys want to see what’s in the back of the SUV?” Gilbert asks.
Neither Ethan nor I answer him, but we gather around. He opens a satchel he found in the front seat and pulls out a flashlight as the hatchback of the SUV opens. He flips up a small compartment and what we see makes Ethan light up. Gilbert reaches down and pulls out a shiny rifle that looks as if it has never been fired. This hidden compartment is full of guns and ammunition. No doubt it will help the group and all, but I don’t want any part of it. We aren’t used to carrying weapons like these. At least I’m not.
Lucas and I had always avoided using guns. Firing one only meant drawing in more greyskins. Sure, they were good for blowing away a few at a time, but the sound carries so far, there is no way a greyskin wouldn’t hear it and come running.
When Gilbert is done gawking at the firearms, we finally start gathering wood for the fire and within an hour, the front of me toasts warmly while my back is nearly frozen.
The three of us sit in silence as the fire eats away at the wood, falling into smoldering coals that give off a heat warm enough to make my brow sweat. The moon illuminates the cold fog that lingers throughout the trees in the forest and the flickering flames cast our shadowed forms along the trunks. I try not to look into the trees at all. Despite the security they bring, shielding us from curious eyes, I hate how little I can see into the distance. I hate the trees because I never know what might be lurking behind them. That’s why I keep my eyes on the fire.
As we sit, all I can think about is Lucas. It pains me to know it, but I doubt there is anything left of him now. The greyskins devour every bit of a fresh body. I often wonder how there can be so many greyskins in the world when they eat so many of their victims. I suppose there are so many people that escape the fate of being completely eaten, only to be scratched or bitten, the poisonous saliva or blood mixing with theirs.
How could all of this have happened? How could humanity be reduced to an existence of mere survival within a span of three years? How had this disease spread so rapidly?
I have feared the greyskins more than anything. And even after our run-in with Scarecrow and his men, I still fear the greyskins more. There is just something disturbing about a creature that used to be a person like me but is now walking about mindlessly. Any time I see greyskins, I know that they were once average people like me who were simply at the wrong place at the wrong time. They had been scratched or bitten. Then, within twenty-four hours, they were dead, only to wake back up, their skin an ashy, grey color, their eyes almost black and dripping with mucus. And over time their skin just rotted, but their body kept moving, motivated only by the desire to eat human flesh, to taste blood. It has been a never-ending nightmare for the past three years.
I look up from the fire and my eyes fall on the other two. Gilbert sits and studies his new weapons from the SUV, and Ethan…he seems different than Gilbert. I guess we are all different, but for him, it’s something I can’t place. He doesn’t carry any of the guns from the SUV. Instead he has a baseball bat that was probably once a light-colored wood but is now stained brown and black from so many greyskin head-bashings.
Lucas and I had only been with these two for a couple of days, but from what I understand, they have not known each other for very long at all. I suppose that is why the silence persists. Neither of them really knows the other that well.
Ethan stokes the fire with a long stick, maneuvering branches so the flames burn brighter and hotter. I watch him as he swallows, and moves his mouth like he wants to say something. He clears his throat and looks at me. I dart my eyes away, but they find Ethan’s again. He smiles at me for a second before setting his stick down and standing.
“I uh…I think we ought to recognize Lucas’ bravery tonight,” he says, his eyes lowering to meet mine again. “I didn’t know him very well, but he did a good thing today.”
“That’s debatable,” Gilbert says out of the side of his mouth.
I can feel myself scowl, but I don’t look at him. Instead, I stare directly into the flames as tears come to my eyes. I reach for the chain around my neck and pull out the small diamond ring. My finger rubs at the precious stone and tears start to form in my eyes.
“Be respectful,” Ethan chides Gilbert. “None of us could have known what was going to happen. If the raiders hadn’t shot, the greyskins might not have come. The raiders might have killed all of us.” He takes a deep breath and bends down to pick his stick back up. He pushes a few of the coals around, trying to rouse the heat as he sits back down.
“We’ve all lost someone,” I say. I don’t expect my voice to sound so thick, but I know they notice.
“Some of us have lost everyone,” Ethan says as he continues to stoke the fire. The end of the stick is charred and a flame clings to it.
“What else do you expect?” Gilbert asks. He looks at me. “I’m sorry, but it was only a matter of time for your dear Lucas.” He shakes his head. “It’s only a matter of time for any of us.”
“I don’t believe that’s true,” Ethan says.
“Believe what you want,” Gilbert comes back. “The greyskins are growing in number every single day. Raiders are patrolling, making these roads more and more dangerous. It’s only a matter of time before any of us face a shot to the head or the bite of a greyskin.”
“Then why are you traveling to Crestwood?” Ethan says, suddenly looking up at Gilbert. His face is red with anger. “Why do you get excited about finding a stash of guns in the back of the SUV? Why not just give up if you’re just going to take that attitude?”
Gilbert chuckles, tossing a pebble into the coals. “I’m not suicidal. Of course I’m going to try and survive for as long as I can. I just know my chances of growing old are next to nothing.” He points at me now. “I don’t get upset when someone like Lucas dies because I know it’s just a matter of time before it’s me. It’s just a matter of time before it’s either of you.”
I don’t know what it is…anger…sadness…but I can’t keep myself from speaking up. “Then why don’t you just take that gun of yours, point it at your own head and pull the trigger? Wouldn’t that be a better death than if a greyskin rips you to shreds? Isn’t it better than dying just so a raider can see what you might have in your pocket? Don’t sit there and pretend that you don’t have a hope for your future. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be sitting here by the fire. You wouldn’t be giddy at the sight of rifles. If you had no hope you would already be dead.”
Gilbert’s eyes glint through the fiery haze like he is a demon from the underworld. It almost looks like he wants to kill me, but a sudden change in his expression keeps that fear at bay, yet is no less haunting. He smiles at me.
“There is a difference between surviving for as long as you can and having hope,” he says as he picks up his pile of guns and stands. “I lost hope a long time ago.” He looks across the fire at Ethan. “You’ve got first watch tonight. I’m sleeping in the SUV.”
Gilbert storms away and closes the SUV door a little too loud for comfort. Ethan stares into the flames, still looking angry.
“I’m actually relieved he’s gone,” I say.
“I don’t know why I stick with him,” Ethan says. He looks up at me with a serious face. “You can’t listen to Gilbert. I believe you can have hope.”
“After today I’m not so sure,” I say. “Part of me thinks Gilbert is right, though I don’t want to hear it.”
“Then don’t hear it,” Ethan says. “What good would it do to believe there is no hope?”
I shake my head, thinking of Lucas, thinking of my parents…my older sister. Anyone and everyone that has ever been a part of my life is gone.