“Gilbert would say the opposite,” I say numbly. “What good would it do to believe there is hope?”
Ethan doesn’t answer.
“I want to believe it,” I say. “Hours ago I did believe it. I’m not so sure anymore. What if this town, Crestwood, isn’t everything we hope it is? Aren’t we all just going on a stranger’s word that it’s a safe place for people like us? We don’t really know.”
“If it’s not then we find someplace else,” Ethan answers. “That, or we build our own safe haven.”
“Dreams,” I say.
“Perseverance,” Ethan comes back. He takes a deep breath and sighs. “The moment you start to think you aren’t going to make it is the moment the enemy starts winning.”
“Lucas said something similar to me once. Look what happened to him.” I feel empty as the words pour out of my mouth. I hate talking about him in this way. It’s almost as if we’ve just been separated for a short time and that we will meet again soon. It’s so hard to think of him as gone.
“You can’t stop bad things from happening,” Ethan says. “All you can do is try to survive and have hope that you will survive. Why not have hope? It’s not like you can see the future.”
My eyes dart to meet his when he speaks, almost as if he knew something about me that I haven’t shared with anyone. But he just shakes his head and stares back into the fire.
The future…
I did see the future. At least, I saw a brief glimpse of it just before it happened. What sickens me the most about all of this was that I could have done something to prevent Lucas’ death. Well, I think I could have anyway. I’m not certain how it works. I saw the scene unfold in front of my eyes almost as if it were a warning of some kind. I had reached out and grabbed Lucas’ hand to stop him, and then a bright light flashed in front of me. But no one else seemed to have seen it at all. It was as if it happened in my head.
So, having seen the future, could I have altered it? In only a split second, everything played out just as I had seen it in the vision, but could I have reached out and pulled Lucas to safety before Scarecrow pulled the trigger? I suppose I will never know.
I watch Ethan as he continues to stoke the fire. Part of me wants to tell him what I saw, but I can’t really trust him, though he has been nicer to me than Gilbert.
I decide that I might as well try to learn something about him. I am now left with no one to trust but myself. I have no desire to place trust in anyone else, but an ally might be useful. I reach out and warm my palms above the flames. “So, how did you come across Gilbert?” I ask.
“Little more than a week ago, I was traveling alone and saw him in the distance,” he answers. “He had mistaken me for a greyskin, and was going to kill me, but when he got closer he saw I wasn’t going to harm him.” He pats the baseball bat at his side. “Carrying this thing let him know I wasn’t a raider. He let me team up with him because he was lost in a town down south. I had been there for a couple of weeks and knew the area well. I promised to help him find some supplies and find a safe route through if he would let me tag along with him. Took some convincing, but he eventually agreed.” He shrugs. “Now I’m here.”
I shake my head at this. “Why stay with him? He’s such a pig.”
“I couldn’t agree more,” he says, grinning. “Looks like you and I agree on one thing, at least.”
“I don’t disagree with you about having hope for the future,” I say to him. The firelight dances on his slender cheeks. His short, dark hair blends with the shadows behind him. I notice for the first time that he is actually handsome when he smiles at me, which he is doing right now.
“I know you don’t,” he says. “You said it to Gilbert yourself. If you had no hope, you would already be dead.”
“I was mostly just saying that to get under Gilbert’s skin,” I say. “Every time he opens his mouth I want to shut it for him.”
“I know what you mean,” Ethan says. “I was actually going to leave him before you and Lucas came around.”
“Really?”
He nods. “When you two showed up, I decided to stay. I hoped you two would bring a fresh perspective. You know, help with decisions and all.”
“Sorry to disappoint,” I say.
He grins slightly. “You haven’t disappointed anyone. At least you have a head on your shoulders.” He lifts the stick and points to the SUV. “Gilbert doesn’t listen to anybody, and he doesn’t care about anyone but himself.” He clears his throat. “Not like you, though. At least you seem to care about others.”
“Lucas and I were a good team,” I say. The words are hard to say and they catch in my throat. To speak of Lucas in the past tense seems wrong. It feels like a lie. My fingers tug at the ring.
“Did Lucas give that to you?” Ethan asks.
My eyes don’t leave the fire. I want to answer Ethan and tell him where the ring came from, but I can’t. That moment in my past is particularly hard to think about it.
“How long had you two been traveling together?” Ethan pretends that he never asked the previous question and I am grateful.
A tear slips down my cheek. It’s not the first. It won’t be the last. To think that we made it through so much for three years made his death even more painful. The promises he made me rang true every day. Every attack we encountered, we survived. Until now. “Three years,” I manage to say.
Ethan nods. I know he feels awkward with me sitting here crying in front of him. He doesn’t know me enough to know that a strong arm around my shoulders would go a long way. But in truth, it’s not Ethan’s arms I want around me.
He’s about to say something when we both hear a snap behind us. Without hesitation, we drop to the ground onto our bellies. He shimmies up next to me, his bat held firmly in his left hand. My hand balls into a fist and I bite my lip when I realize that I must have left my hatchet next to Lucas and I’m completely weaponless.
With the fire behind us, the light shines toward the woods beyond and we can both see a lone greyskin stumbling along the edge of the trees. I try to keep my hands firm against the ground so Ethan doesn’t notice them shaking. I’ve killed my share of greyskins, but never without shaking hands. Is it fear? Yes. When I see the dead walking, I always feel fear. I never developed the callous sense of security that comes from years of practicing various ways of attacking greyskins. This one is no different. We have no indication that it has seen us or sensed us in any way, but it would only take a small sound. If it really is just one greyskin, it would be nothing for Ethan to charge after it and bash its head in with his bat. But something I’ve learned over the past three years is that once you’ve seen a greyskin it usually means a lot more aren’t too far behind.
We wait a few moments as it continues to stagger forward. My heart beats so fast I almost fear the undead creature is able to hear it, and when it stops for a moment to look around, gnawing, chomping at something invisible, I think it has heard me, but then it continues to walk. I turn my head slightly to look at Gilbert in the SUV, but he doesn’t seem to have heard it. I am thankful for that. Sometimes fear and a sudden realization that a greyskin is near will cause a person to yell out or do something rash. Sometimes the best thing is to sit and be patient as the creature moves along in search of flesh.
I almost feel sick by the sight of it. It’s missing an arm, and part of its chest has a gaping hole in the side of it. I still can’t fathom what keeps these things moving.
I jump slightly when Ethan touches my shoulder. “I don’t see any others,” he says. “I’m going to take it out.”