Danielle’s gaze met his without flinching. “This is important.”
“If Captain Remington finds out this is going on, he’ll likely put a stop to it.” Goose didn’t have any doubts about that.
“Are you planning on not reporting them?”
Goose didn’t speak.
“Isn’t that a declaration of some sort about your loyalties?” Danielle pressed.
The question troubled Goose. He tried to find an answer.
“Goose.”
The nape of Goose’s neck prickled again. “My loyalties are to those men.”
“Even if what they’re doing flies in the face of what Remington wants?”
Goose watched the men. He was torn over the issue, but there was something greater at stake. He was certain of that now.
“If you’ll excuse me, ma’am, there’s something I gotta go do.” Goose swung his legs out of the jeep and set the crutches on the ground. His knee throbbed painfully, and his other leg almost buckled underneath him on the uneven ground.
“Goose.” Danielle ran up to him. “Let me help.”
“No, ma’am. I appreciate it, but this is something I gotta do on my own.” Slowly, with great difficulty, Goose made his way down the hillside to the gentle river.
The men caught sight of him and stopped what they were doing. Fear showed on their faces.
46
Downtown Sanliurfa
Sanliurfa Province, Turkey
Local Time 0517 Hours
“First Sergeant,” one of the young men said.
Goose looked around at them. “You boys on your own time?”
“Supposed to take our downtime as we can, First Sergeant.”
“Well then, carry on.” Goose waited, not knowing for certain what had drawn him down the hillside. Looking up it, he felt stupid. There was no way he was going up that hillside under his own power. Coming down had all but exhausted him. You’re gonna feel mighty foolish having to ask for help getting back up there.
“Have faith.”
That was Bill Townsend’s voice again. Goose was sure of it. He looked at the river and thought about Chris. Heaven has to exist, Goose told himself. There’s no other place my boy would be. Before he knew it, tears ran down his cheeks. Chris, I’m sorry I didn’t go with you. But I just didn’t know where I was going wrong then. I didn’t know that faith had to be that strong in you.
“You do now,” that familiar voice whispered. “ So what are you going to do about it, Sarge?”
Carefully Goose let the crutches fall from his hands. He was conscious of everyone’s eyes on him as he limped through the mud. The pain rushed at him, stronger than ever, and he didn’t know if he was going to give in to it or pass out from it first.
Instead, he did just what the military trained him to do. He kept putting one foot after another into the water. He walked until the river closed over his head, filled his ears, and drowned out all other noise. The river took his weight and buoyed him up, lifting some of the pain from him.
For a time, Goose hung there, afraid at any minute that one of the Rangers would come after him because they thought he might be trying to drown himself. Instead, Goose drank in the peace that he felt. It was like nothing he’d ever before experienced.
“It can be better.”
Goose believed that voice. More than that, he believed for certain that he knew where Chris was.
And most of all-he believed.
He let that belief wash over him, buoying him up even more. The pain receded, and he wasn’t at all surprised. He reached for the warmth and security that he knew would be there.
God, I’m at that point where there’s nothing left. The tears came then and he felt them slide hotly from his eyes despite the river’s embrace. I’m away from Megan and Joey. Chris is gone, though I guess he’s with You now. Please take care of him. Tell him I love him. He paused, trying to assemble his thoughts. I can’t walk, God. My knee is shot. Whatever was there, it’s gone now. I’m not even a soldier.
Bill always said You have a plan for everybody. He said You see every sparrow that falls. Well, God, I’ve fallen. I’m here, and I can’t even stand on my own two feet. The helplessness that filled Goose was almost overwhelming. If Bill was right, if I couldn’t come to You until there was nowhere else to go, then I’m here.
I’m just an old, broken-down soldier, God. Not much use to anybody. But I love my family, and I love my unit. It hurts me to think that I’m not going to be there for them.
But I’m not ready to give in, God. I’m not ready to stop fighting for them. I’ll crawl to the front line if I have to. Just give me the strength to do it. Please. Goose paused again. I don’t know if You can find a use for me, but if there’s something I can do for You, help me do it. Please. I pray in Jesus’ blessed name.
Exhausted, Goose couldn’t feel anything but the pain throbbing through him and the sickness twisting in his belly. The cold water pressed against him. He searched for God, then just dialed himself down and concentrated on the emptiness inside him.
I’m here, God. Take me as I am. This is as good as I’ll ever be.
Then Goose felt his pain ease. Floating there in the river, he didn’t feel alone anymore. A quiet, confident joy boiled away the fear and the uncertainty, filling him up and warming his heart.
In that instant, his tears turned from sadness to happiness. He looked up at the brightening sky through the water, blinking understanding that he’d never before felt, laughing out loud despite the fact that he was submerged. Silvery bubbles exploded from his lips.
The need to be up and moving filled him too. Then, not believing what he was doing, he turned and swam back toward the riverbank. Gradually his feet found purchase in the thick mud, and he stood. His knee felt as strong and stable as it ever had.
“Sarge,” one of the men said, “are you doing okay? We thought…” Whatever he’d thought, he chose to keep it to himself.
They gathered around Goose. Danielle pressed in among them.
In amazement, feeling the difference and needing to see it, Goose clawed at the bandages covering his knee. They were reluctant to come free. One of the Rangers handed over a knife, and the job went much easier. In another minute, white bandages littered the river mud.
All of the swelling in Goose’s knee was gone, as was all the pain. He took experimental steps and found he could easily walk.
Healed, he thought. And for the first time in his life, he didn’t doubt that such a thing could happen. He believed and was thankful.
“Problem,” someone said.
Following the men’s attention, Goose looked up and saw Cal Remington standing on the bridge beside his Hummer. Even at the distance, Goose saw the anger and disapproval in the captain’s eyes.
“Looks like you made your decision, Goose,” Remington called down.
Goose didn’t respond for a moment, not knowing what to say. Finally he said, “Yes, sir.”
“You disappoint me, First Sergeant.” Before Goose could respond, Remington clambered back into his Hummer and drove away. Rubber shrieked.
“He’s not a happy man,” Danielle observed.
“No, ma’am. I reckon not.” Goose looked around at the Rangers. “You men carry on. When you get done here, we got work to do.”
“Yes, First Sergeant.”
Goose walked away, feeling the strength he had in his knee. It felt brand-new. Maybe even better than brand-new.
“Looks like your choice got made for you,” Danielle said.
Goose looked back at the river. “No, ma’am. That choice was mine. I walked into that water of my own free will. Standing on the legs I had left.”
“Remington’s not going to let this go.”
“No, ma’am. But with my knee healed, I won’t be off on medical discharge. I’ll be here to do my job.”
“That doesn’t mean you’re safe.”
Goose nodded. “I think we left safe back with realistic weeks ago, ma’am. Now, if you’re still up for that breakfast, I’m buying. I suddenly feel a powerful appetite.”