“Lea!” I shouted out as my fingers brushed hers.
She turned halfway, sucking in a breath.
Finding a reservoir of energy, I shot to my feet but— oh, god—it was too late. I summoned akasha, but it was like tapping a dry well. There was nothing left, but I was the Apollyon and there should have been something that I could do—there had to be, but before I could use the air element to move Lea out of the way, it had happened.
The automaton grasped the sides of her head and twisted. The crack of bone was deafening, as loud as thunder. Her fingers spasmed and the dagger slipped from them. The sound… it whipped through me, stealing my breath and twisting my insides into raw painful knots. The sound… it would stay with me forever.
Lea was on the ground before me, a boneless, motionless heap of nothing more than flesh. My brain couldn’t reconcile what’d just happened. Like with Caleb, denial rose and it was so strong, so potent that I refusedto believe it.
Someone came up behind the automaton and there was an explosion of shimmery dust, but I didn’t know who it was and I didn’t care. At that moment, automatons could rain down on us and I wouldn’t care.
There had been nine of us…
My heart stuttered and then sped up way too fast. The world whirled around me, a kaleidoscope of muted shades with flashes of intense amber. Someone was calling my name, the deep, near-frantic voice mixing with the low hum of Seth’s.
I wanted them to shut up—both of them, because this wasn’t real. It couldn’t be, and then in a moment of painful and stark reality, I couldn’t understand how I could be so surprised. As if I hadn’t expected death. As if death couldn’t touch us. How could I be so surprised? Every one of them had set out knowing that this was dangerous, that any moment could be their last. And a few miles ago I had known death was coming, so much so I could taste the sorrow on the tip of my tongue.
I dropped to my knees, hands shaking as I placed them on Lea’s shoulder and gently rolled her onto her back. From the odd angle of how her head lay, to the pale color bleeding under her the tan skin, to the way her eyes…
My fingers trembled as I brushed the coppery strands off her cool forehead. Gods, how could the body cool that fast? It didn’t seem possible or right. It definitely wasn’t fair.
Lea’s beautiful amethyst eyes—eyes I had envied as a kid—were fixed on the dark sky. There was no shine to them, no inner light. There was nothing.
Lea was gone, like Caleb and Mom, like all those people back in those cars. She was… I couldn’t finish the sentence. That one little word couldn’t be taken back.
I jerked my hands away, folding them under my chin. Others were nearing us. Someone was crying softly. Voices rose, uttering denials, and then there was silence. My breath caught again.
Someone knelt on the other side of Lea. A Covenant dagger was carefully placed on the ground and soft words were uttered in ancient Greek. A prayer for a warrior’s death—a hymn delivered during burial.
I lifted my gaze and my eyes locked with dark, tumultuous gray ones. Aiden’s face was so pale; the horror etched into his features mirrored my own. His eyes were dry, but anger and sadness burned from within them. He shook his head. My lashes felt damp.
I couldn’t sit here. I just couldn’t.
Pushing to my feet, I stumbled past Marcus and Olivia. I went past Luke and Deacon, beyond where Laadan and Solos stood. I kept walking, having no idea where I was going or what I was going to do.
Alex?
My hands curled at the sound of Seth’s voice. Red-hot anger roared through me like a train derailed. He hadn’t snapped Lea’s neck like it was nothing more than a twig, but his hands were bloody, weren’t they? I don’t want to talk to you right now.
There was silence—for now.
Stomach churning, tears coursed down my cheeks. Part of me was still in shock, as stupid as that was. The nine of us had been alive. We all had been still standing. I had laughed. And then Lea was gone. Just like that, with no real warning.
Gods, Lea and I had been far from best-friends-forever, but we’d come so far. I’d respected her, probably longer than I’d realized, and the same went for her. There was so much between us that needed to be addressed—to be repaired—but there would be no more time. And even though we’d spent the better part of whatever time we’d been together hating on one another, she’d come to my aid and she’d stood her ground.
Realizing that cut so deep it matched the pain of Caleb’s loss.
“Alex,” Aiden said from behind me.
I shook my head. “I can’t… I can’t do this right now.” My voice cracked. “I need a few minutes.”
He hesitated, and then I felt his hand on my shoulder. I pulled free and walked ahead, dragging in deep breaths even though they didn’t seem to be pulling enough air into my lungs. I couldn’t afford to lose it like I had after Caleb’s death. I couldn’t disconnect from this or self-destruct. I had to deal, but…
Godsdammit. I bent over, placing my hands on my knees. The urge to vomit was strong, but there was nothing coming up.
Had I apologized to her about what a douchebag I’d been to her when we were kids? I didn’t think so. I squeezed my eyes shut and saw her body lying on the ground back there.
Alex? There was a pause and the bond pulled taut. What’s happening!
I sat down—probably fell down—for the second time that night. Keeping my eyes closed, I kept the shields up but followed the bond to Seth. I didn’t know how to feel about that. Maybe it was all the anger taking up too much room to feel anything else. Is this what you wanted?I asked.
Seth didn’t respond immediately. I’m not sure what you mean. I can feel your emotions. Something has happened.
Shut up!I’m not sure what did it—the almost-sincere quality to his voice, or the fact that he had taken Lea’s sister and my mom had taken her family and, because of what Seth and I were, she had lost her life. I broke wide open in an instant. Shut up! Just shut up! Are you happy, Seth? Is that what you wanted from this?
Tears tracked down my cheeks, fast and furious. My arms shook—my entire body trembled to keep the shields up. I couldn’t let them down, not when Seth was inside my head like this. He’d know where I was and there’d be more death.
I threw my head back and there were no words, just sorrow, guilt, and rage. They poured from me in a scream that made no sound outside my body.
Stop, he said, and there was a pressure around me, almost like Seth was wrapping his arms around me, holding me still. You need to calm down because you’re bursting a lot of my brain cells. Take a couple of deep breaths. Just calm down. Okay?
Several moments passed, and I breathed heavily through them. I sat there, eyes closed, seeing nothing and feeling nothing. None of this seemed real.
Who’s dead? Seth asked, and I could tell by his tone that he expected the worst.
Lea. Even the voice inside my head sounded numb. She’s dead, like her whole family.
Seth said nothing. Maybe he knew the significance. After all, when we’d been connected before, he’d seen a lot of my past, and he probably could guess that I had no idea how to deal with this. Perhaps he was even thinking the same thing I had—that our connection had taken everything from Lea, including her life. I doubted that, even if he was thinking that, it would make any difference. Seth would continue doing what he was doing. And so would I. He didn’t say anything as I pulled my legs to my chest and balled up, desperately not wanting to feel the biting loss again. And he said nothing as the odd pressure inside me increased.