His fingers found my chin, tipping it up. “Don’t blame yourself for what happened to her. Her death was not your fault. And if you hadn’t used your power, all of us would’ve died.”
I nodded. Those words weren’t as easy to swallow as they were to say.
“Done?” Aiden gestured at the plate and bowl. He placed them on the table when I nodded again. There was a stretch of silence where he just looked at me until I squirmed. He sighed. “How could you not tell me, Alex?”
“I didn’t want you to worry,” I said lamely.
His eyes narrowed. “That’s bullshit, Alex.”
I jumped, eyes going wide.
“We’re in this… this screwed-up situation together, right? Both of us would do anything for each other, am I correct?” He didn’t give me a chance to answer. He was really on a roll. “We love each other. And call me stupid or old-fashioned, but I think all of that means we don’t keep secrets from one another, especially potentially dangerous secrets that the other party really should know about.”
My cheeks were burning for a whole different reason now. Everything he said was true. Keeping him in the dark had sprouted from the best of intentions, but he was right.
“I’m sorry and I mean it. I should’ve told you when I figured it out.”
His brows lowered. “When did you figure it out? Wait. While we were in the Underworld, right? You were different when we came back.”
Damn. He was good. “It was when I was talking with Solaris. Things sort of clicked, and then I confronted Apollo. He confirmed that the gods wanted me to become the God Killer so that I could stop the god responsible.”
Aiden cursed under his breath. “Sometimes I want to hit that bastard.”
“Join the club.”
He was silent for a couple of moments. “They expect you to fight Seth and have the power transferred to you. Then they expect you to fight this god?”
I nodded.
“I don’t like this—I don’t want you to do this.” Anger burned in his gaze. “This is too dangerous—every part of it. Besides the fact that Seth could transfer the power from you, no god is going to go down easy. It’s insane.”
It was, but when had anything in my life been completely sane? I wiggled closer to him. “But it has to be done, Aiden. Even if we manage to stop Lucian and Seth, this god will try something again. Look at all the people who have died.”
“I don’t—” He cut himself off.
“You don’t what?”
He looked up, features rigid. “I was going to say that I don’t care. Not when you could die doing this. I don’t care.”
I had no idea what to say to that, and I knew that it took a lot for Aiden to admit that. Hell, it would take a lot for anyone to admit that. But it was the truth, and sometimes the truth wasn’t pretty or ethical or fair. It just was.
Aiden tipped his head back and sighed. “What if I asked you not to do this?”
My mouth opened in surprise, but no words came out.
He shook his head. “I know I can’t ask you that. I know it’s incredibly selfish. Don’t answer it, okay?”
Tears moved up the back of my throat so quickly I didn’t think I’d be able to hold them back. By some miracle I did. I knew I needed to tell him that there was a good chance I wouldn’t survive this in the end. It wasn’t like I was giving up, because Deacon had sort of given me the kick in the rear that I needed, but it didn’t change the possibility.
Aiden made a sound in the back of his throat and he reached for me. I went, climbing into his lap. As his arms circled me, squeezing me so tight against him that I could feel his heartbeat, I couldn’t tell him that now. I didn’t think I could ever tell him.
And that was the thing about truths and secrets. Sometimes the truth didn’t need to be known. The lie was healthier than the truth and, while some secrets could set people free, other secrets could destroy them.
I didn’t feel good about it as I closed my eyes. Guilt settled in my stomach like a handful of sharp stones, but this secret wasn’t meant to be shared.
Finally, Aiden’s grip loosened and his hands moved from my shoulders. He held me back, his gaze searching my face. “Have you been having any headaches recently?”
Grateful for the change in topic, I shook my head. “Not since… Lea died. Seth was there afterward, but he’s gone. I mean, I can still feel the cord, but it’s weird. It’s like he’s taken a vacation.”
Aiden arched a brow. “He’s up to something.”
A small grin pulled my lips. “Exactly what I was thinking.”
“Great minds think alike.” With one hand, he smoothed his thumb over my lower lip. “You have to be exhausted.”
I shrugged. “So do you.”
“We should get some rest.” His hand fell back to my shoulder.
“Marcus isn’t going to be happy with you sleeping in here.”
“I know.” He leaned back against the headboard, his eyes hooded. “We’re probably going to have to cut the whole sleeping together thing back.”
I pouted.
Aiden chuckled. “I said sleeping together, Alex. What I have in mind doesn’t involve sleeping.”
“Oh.” Warmth spread through me like I was back in the steaming shower. “ Oh.”
A slow grin tugged at his lips as his hands spread down my arms to my hips. That dizzying warmth stole into the marrow of my bones. “Little slow on the uptake, huh?”
I laughed and it felt… okay to laugh. Bending forward, I pressed my forehead to his. “Sorry. My mind isn’t in the gutter, like some people I could name.”
“So you say.” His hands tightened. “We’ll just have to see about that.”
Aiden moved so quickly that one second I was in his lap, and the next I was on my back and he was hovering above me. He lowered his head so that his lips brushed mine softly. That one all-too-quick touch nearly undid me.
“I love you,” he said, and those were the last words spoken for quite some time.
CHAPTER 36
Aiden hadn’t left the bed, so I guess cutting back on the whole sleeping arrangement thing wasn’t going to start today. Not that I was complaining. After… well, not sleeping and then sleeping for several hours, and some more of the “not sleeping” thing, we were summoned by a knock on the door.
We exchanged a quick look. “Uh, should I be answering the door, since this is my room?”
Aiden nodded and I started to rise, but he caught my arm. “You might want to put some clothes on first.”
“Oh. Ha.” I giggled as I started searching for my clothes. “Good call.”
“Uh-huh.”
Hopping around the room, I shoved my legs into thejeans. “Be right there!”
I was sure Aiden got an entertaining eyeful, and my face was blood-red by the time I reached the door. Opening it wide enough for me to slip through, I saw Dominic.
“Hey,” I said, hoping I didn’t have a mad case of naughty-in-bed hair.
His expression remained bland. “I’m sorry that I’ve woken you, but we have new arrivals. One of them, I do believe, was an Instructor at Deity Island.”
“Really? Wow. Where are they?”
“Currently with the Dean,” he replied. “Your uncle is already aware. I stopped by Sentinel St. Delphi’s room, but…”
“Oh. Yeah, um…” I was pretty sure I matched a fire truck. “He’s a heavy sleeper.”
“I’m sure he is.” Dominic stepped back. “If you wish to join your uncle, I’ll be waiting outside. You should have time to get ready. Your uncle is a… heavy sleeper, also.”
Whaaaa…and then it hit me. Ew. Ew. Ew.
Hurrying back into the room, I closed the door, and then leaned on it. “Dear gods, that was awkward. You heard?”
Aiden stood beside the bed, buttoning his pants. My eyes got hung up on his fingers and then that stomach. “Yes. He didn’t say who it was?”
I wasn’t thirsty, but my mouth sure was dry. “No. Just that it was an Instructor. Do you think we should check it out?”