But it was me.
It would be me.
That was a lot to swallow. It was something that I couldn’t really even begin to process. I felt too selfish, but I also knew what had to be done.
Gods, I was so not old enough or mature enough to be making these kinds of decisions.
It grew so quiet between us that the gentle winds stirring the branches seemed too loud. If I didn’t have my freaky god-sensing abilities right now, I’d have thought he’d left. But he was still there, waiting.
“And there’s no other way?” I asked.
He didn’t respond, and I took his silence as a no.
Heart heavy, I lifted my head. “What will happen if I die?”
Apollo didn’t answer immediately. “You will have a warrior’s death. There is pride in that and you will want for nothing.”
Except to live, but I figured that was a moot point. “Will you make sure that… that Aiden will be okay?”
The god’s eyes met mine and he nodded.
Throat burning and tightening, I focused on the dark gravel. “He… he had to see his parents afterward, Apollo. I don’t want him to see me, okay? Can you make sure he doesn’t?”
“If that is what you wish.”
I pressed my lips together, relieved a little that Aiden would be spared that horror—maybe not the bulk of it, but some of it. “And will you make sure Marcus and the rest of them are okay?”
“Yes.”
“Okay.” I swallowed, but I still felt like I was choking. “I want to be left alone for awhile.”
“Alex—”
I looked then, meeting his gaze. “Please leave.”
He looked like he was going to say something, but then he nodded and simply vanished. I don’t know how long I stood there, but eventually I shuffled over to the porch and sat down on the steps.
The night air was still cool and it stung my hot cheeks. Tears burned my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. Crying served nothing. It wouldn’t change what would happen. If I somehow managed to get to Seth, transfer his power to me before he took mine, and destroy the mystery god, I’d still be put down like a rabid animal. Possibly even Seth would be, as well, although he’d no longer be a threat. Maybe without me around to influence him, he’d get better. He’d just be the Apollyon then, like it was supposed to be—only one of us and all that jazz.
I rubbed my eyes until they ached.
What day was it? Sometime in April? Less than a month from now, I was supposed to be graduating from the Covenant. That was so obviously not going to happen. So much had changed, and so much would never be the same. I wondered if my Fate had changed, too, or if this had always been a part of it and no one had thought to clue me in.
An idea occurred to me. It was insane, but I thought about letting the wonky connection with Seth happen. The ache was in my temples. Maybe I could tell him what I knew. Maybe there was a part of him that still cared enough.
I shook my head and lowered my hands.
Seth would probably just use it as another reason for me to jump ship.
Taking several deep breaths, I pushed thoughts of Seth out of my head and, for some reason, I thought about my father. Features roughened by a hard life fell into place. Broad cheekbones and a strong chin spoke of a warrior’s face. We really didn’t look too much alike, but it was his eyes… they were mine.
I tried not to think about my dad. Perhaps that was wrong, but it was hard sitting here knowing that he was in the Catskills. And it was even harder acknowledging that there might be a good chance we’d never meet face-to-face, aware of what we were to each other.
Squeezing my knees together, I thought about the sacrifice he was making—had made—for so many years. Deep down I knew he probably wanted to be here with me, but he had a job to do. Through and through, my father was a Sentinel.
I respected him for that.
I don’t know how long I sat there, but it couldn’t have been that long before the door behind me eased open. Boards creaked as the footsteps drew near.
Aiden sat beside me, still in his Sentinel uniform. He stared straight ahead and said nothing. I looked at him. The dark waves were messy, going in every which direction. A slight shadow was forming on his jaw.
“Didn’t wake up Deacon?” I asked.
“Nah, if I did then I’d probably never get to bed. He’ll need entertainment or something and you know how that goes.” Aiden tilted his head toward me. “When did Apollo leave?”
“A little while ago.”
Aiden was quiet for a moment. “Is there anything I should know?”
My heart skipped a beat. “No.”
His eyes met mine and I couldn’t tell if he believed me, but he extended his arm. I scooted over, fitting myself against the side of his body as he locked his arms around me. He rested his cheek against my hair and I felt his breath.
Minutes passed, and then he said, “We’re in this together, Alex. Don’t ever forget that. We’re in this together to the end.”
CHAPTER 28
By the time Apollo reappeared later that night, I hadn’t really come to terms with everything. I mean, how could I? Going through all of this, facing only gods-knew-what, knowing there was a 99% chance I’d die in the end really didn’t help with the whole motivation factor. So I decided to do the only thing I could do.
Forget about the end result.
Probably not the wisest method, but it was the only way I could do this and keep sane, because right now I didn’t know how to change any of it.
Apollo didn’t return alone. When he popped into the living room, he brought along Dionysus. It was the first time I’d seen the god. He looked like a frat boy in his Hawaiian shirt and cargo shorts.
Dionysus dropped onto the couch in a lazy, arrogant sprawl. His heavy-lidded gaze moved over the females in the room, sizing them up like one looks at a menu. When his freaky eyes landed on me, I arched a brow.
He grinned. “So this is the Apollyon?”
“That would be me.”
“For some reason, I expected you to be taller.”
What the hell? Folding my arms, I shot him a bland look. “I don’t know why people keep saying that.”
Aiden leaned against the desk I sat on. “You are pretty short.”
My height wasn’t our biggest problem. Thankfully Marcus reined the conversation in, bringing it back to more important things. “Do you have news of Lucian?”
The god stretched, folding his arms behind his head. “Well, I got as close as I could. Something’s different this time around.”
Apollo frowned. I didn’t like it when gods frowned—usually it meant something really, really bad. “What do you mean?”
“I could only get so close. Something barred me from getting among them, even barred my nymphs.” He wiggled his toes. “No ward can do that. Only another god.”
“I don’t understand,” I said. “How could another god block you?”
“A powerful one can, little Apollyon.” Dionysus winked one all-white eye. “It would be like hitting an invisible wall. The First and the pure-blood are well protected.”
“Hermes?” Marcus said, rubbing his jaw thoughtfully.
Dionysus snorted. “Hermes couldn’t pull something like that off.”
“Who could?” Solos asked, gaze shrewd.
“One of the core,” Dionysus answered with a smirk.
“What do you mean?” Luke leaned forward in his chair, dropping his arms over his knees. “‘One of the core’?”
The god spared him a brief glance. “There’s a social… or political structure to things in Olympus—a ranking by power.”