“You don’t like olives?” he asks, clearly surprised. “Sure I do!” I take the toothpick – no way will I let him feed me! – but regret it the next second because the touch shoots a current through my whole body. Hastily I shove the olive in my mouth and my eyes instantly start to water.
“It’s hot!” I gasp und wince at my clumsiness. I grab one of the wine glasses and take a large gulp which only intensifies the burning in my mouth.
“Have some bread!” He hands me a piece of pita bread which I devour gratefully. Much better. “You’ll have to be careful with this sausage too, if you aren’t used to hot food,” he warns me, pointing at the plate. I shoot him a dirty look and rummage around in my bag for a handkerchief. My mouth is still on fire and I bet my nose and eyes are bright red.
“Thanks for the warning but I like hot food, I just wasn't prepared,” I mumble truculently. Oh, shut up, Livia, you sound like a small child! I’m relieved when Cassius lets this remark go.
“You haven’t been here with Natalie yet, have you?” he suddenly asks and I shake my head. “I’m surprised because she comes here quite often, even if she doesn’t always show her face.” His voice is suddenly loud and I stare at him uncomprehendingly. “Well, she could be here now and we wouldn’t even know because there’s a backroom,” he explains, pointing behind the bar. He’s really weird sometimes and I take a sip of my wine instead of replying. Just a few more minutes, then it’ll be over. Now the music stops and the silence between us is all the more disturbing. I’d give anything for Natalie to show up to ease the tension and I rack my brains for some conversation topics. I know nearly nothing about this guy opposite me apart from the fact that he has a horse farm. A good topic but I haven’t a clue about horses, although I had riding lessons as a child, and I don’t want to make a fool of myself yet again. Suddenly inspiration strikes.
“How was your trip to Scotland?” I blurt out gratefully because holidays are always a rewarding topic. Cassius looks at me thoughtfully and takes his time to answer. His moss-green eyes gleam in the dim light. Suddenly a woman starts to sing with a raw and beautiful voice that sends shivers down my spine.
“It’s incredibly beautiful there, rugged but very green and full of life. My godfather owns a castle on the East coast, that’s where we spent New Year’s Eve.” His eyes never leave mine but I break the spell by taking a sip of wine. He really has it all, even a godfather with a castle! I swirl the dark red wine in my glass as I picture it, huge, old and no doubt majestic. I can see the towers, the old walls and the sea, and suddenly I long to be there. Everything around me is forgotten as the feeling of belonging there takes over. “Can you picture it?” Cassius’ voice brings me back to earth. I nod, suddenly feeling much more comfortable.
“You’re an odd clique, you know,” I whisper without thinking and he freezes. His mouth moves, this large, slightly brutal mouth, and I sense his question more than I can hear it.
“Why do you think so?” he asks in a very low voice. I bite my lip, already regretting my statement. Cassius is the last person with whom I want to discuss Natalie and her friends. I force a smile onto my face.
“No reason, really. But not many people have godfathers with castles.” Whoa, that was a close one. Cassius keeps staring at me.
“I don’t think that’s the real reason,” he replies softly. Can he read me like a book? I blush, looking down at my hands.
“Well, you’re all somehow related, Natalie and Rupert, Will and Ruth, and you all visit your godfather,” I ramble on, looking at him again.
“So?” He arches his brows.
“That’s it, you don’t even know what I mean!” I hurry on. “That’s unusual. You see, my sister and I have never had the same friends. We don’t talk much and we’d never go out together,” I try to explain. The watchful look in his eyes makes me kind of nervous and I’m relieved when he finishes his wine.
“So you think we’re weird because we have fun together although some of us are related?” An amused smile tugs at his mouth. “Being a close-knit family isn’t such a bad thing, you know.” He leans over the table, and suddenly his face is just centimetres away from mine. Instinctively I lean back, he’s just too close for comfort.
“No, on the contrary,” I whisper. “But I just can’t understand it because my family doesn’t have this kind of closeness.” I hope he doesn’t think I was criticising his friends! How on earth did we end up here, I was just asking after his holidays!
“Wouldn’t you prefer to have a close relationship with the people you’re related to?” he simply won’t let it go.
“Yes, certainly,” I mutter and look up aghast as the waiter brings two more glasses of wine. “But I don’t think it would work for me and my family, we’re very different and don’t have the same interests as you all do.” My voice ebbs away as I notice what rubbish I’m spouting. The same interests? A horse breeder, a librarian, a sculptor, well, this at least goes together with the designer, then Natalie who does nothing at all? Cassius finally leans back in his chair again and I breathe in deeply.
“You’re certainly right,” he grins, “more than you can even know.” Is he making fun of me? “We’re connected by more than kinship. You see, I don’t have any parents or brothers and sisters and Randolph and my friends Will and Rupert are family to me. Will is sort of an outsider as you’ve doubtless noticed, well, nowadays not so much anymore.” What? Will, an outsider? I wouldn’t have noticed it at all, but why? Cassius suppresses a smile as he sees my confusion. “You haven’t realised yet? You probably will, when you see his flat on Saturday.”
“Can’t you just tell me?” I quickly ask him. I’m certain to put my foot into my mouth if I don’t know in advance.
“You really don’t suspect, do you?” Cassius shakes his head in wonder. “Where have you been living, Livia?” Suddenly his clipped voice seems pretentious and I hate him for making me so insecure. He can keep his secret, I’ll ask Natalie. I reach for my handbag but his next words stop me in my tracks. “Will is gay.” My mouth drops open but – of course! How could I have not noticed! The blonde fringe, the meticulous clothes, his way of laughing, giggling really. Oh, dear, poor Natalie! Now I know what she meant with the ‘lost cause’. Then Cassius’ words resound in my ears: we’re connected by more than kinship? Could he be? Could the boys all be? Maybe that’s why Rupert never tried on anything with me. None of the three has a girlfriend as far as I know.
“Are you too?” The question is out before I can stop it. Cassius gawps at me, then throws his head back and laughs. I flush crimson.
“Don’t you think it very impolite to ask me this sort of question when we’ve only met twice?” Oh god, I want the ground to swallow me up. I reach for my wine and gulp it down.
“Well, anything is possible and it wouldn’t be too bad, would it?” I try to hide my embarrassment but my face is on fire and I lower my eyes. Next moment I feel his hand under my chin, raising my head.
“You really think so?” he whispers, holding my gaze. My breath hitches and I feel like the proverbial rabbit with the snake. Why did I blurt out the first thing that came into my mind? I usually don’t do that, it’s HIM who’s making me. He’s still staring at me, waiting for an answer. My voice seems to have gone, so I simply shake my head. “Good.” He sits back and eats the last of the olives. Then he looks at his watch and gets up abruptly. “Regretfully I don’t have any more time to discuss my sexual preferences with you as I have an appointment this evening. I'll take you home.” Relief mingles with something else – is it regret? – that we have to leave. As he helps me into my coat I notice a grey cat sitting behind the bar. Thankfully Cassius doesn’t see it, maybe he would have another fit of rage.