“I’m sorry to be so curious, Livia, but I have to catch up on you.” I don’t really know what he means and don’t care as long as he stops interrogating me. I turn my attention to my roast beef which is delicious and listen to the ensuing conversation. I notice that Augustus hardly touches his food and doesn’t drink at all.
“Sorry about my father, he’s a very intense person,” Rupert whispers to me.
“Well, I don’t mind,” I lie graciously. “But I don’t want to bore you all.” Rupert shoots me an amused look.
“You’re anything but boring, believe me!“ He grins at me with his wide, heart-stopping grin and my heart skips a beat. Augustus on my other side clears his throat loudly.
“Livia? I asked if you like to travel?” Here he goes again. I turn to him and smile shyly.
“Well, I would, but I’ve barely left England. My father likes to holiday in Cornwall and a place in Derbyshire called Foxglove Grove.” I hear Natalie giggling.
“Time you went a bit further,” she laughs at me and I have to agree.
“I certainly will,” I smile, thinking of Lanyu.
“And where to?” Augustus just can’t let go but I don’t want to tell them about Lanyu as I can’t explain my choice to them.
“Oh, somewhere warm and sunny,” I answer elusively.
“How about Lanzarote?” Ruth’s clear voice suggests. “They only have stones there, you know, no plants and flowers.” I stare at her, dumbfounded. Her black eyes glitter aggressively, a mocking smile on her exquisite mouth. I press my lips together, trying to get my bearings. Obviously I wasn’t able to deceive Ruth this afternoon.
“What are you implying, Ruth?” Augustus raises his bushy eyebrows. “Flowers are beautiful, why shouldn’t Livia like them?” He looks at me questioningly and I want the ground to swallow me whole. I hate Ruth with all my heart, that self-centred, mean bitch. She smirks at me.
“Ask her yourself, Augustus. I just got the impression that she has some issues with plants.” Nervously I screw up my napkin into a ball, feeling slightly sick. My heart is beating loudly.
“I’ve no idea what you’re talking about,” I answer calmly, very proud of my low voice which for once isn’t treacherous and squeaky at all.
I notice Natalie shooting Ruth a dirty look before she exclaims brightly, “But we could really have a holiday someday soon!” And she starts suggesting numerous holiday destinations, which lets me off the hook. But I keep glancing at Ruth who is now picking at her chocolate cake. What’s her problem? Why does she hate me so much?
When we leave the table Augustus suddenly takes my left hand into his. “This ring is extraordinary, Livia, and I think it suits you very well.” His voice is rather loud and everyone looks at us. I notice Natalie winking at Rupert and Will grinning contentedly. The shadow of a smile crosses Cassius’s face. He’s been very quiet this evening.
Ruth however blanches, a look of horror on her face. Have I missed something? Augustus is still holding my hand, turning it around, when I realise the coincidence. “Look, the white cameo, it sort of looks like you.” I point at the man with the short beard and hair. Augustus squints at the ring.
“Indeed, there really is a small resemblance, how intriguing!” he exclaims in the silence that surrounds us. He smiles at the others and nods to them. “And now, good night, we shouldn’t go to bed too late if we want to ride out tomorrow morning.”
Although I’m knackered I can't sleep. I keep thinking about what happened today and what I should have done differently. I would like to talk to Natalie, but she’s fast asleep beside me. Maybe tomorrow will be more normal, I shouldn’t overreact now. During the night everything gets out of proportion and becomes scarier, sounds, experiences and fears. I just have to try and relax. I listen to the night sounds, hearing the cry of an owl and the occasional bark of a fox. At some point I must have fallen asleep and suddenly I’m in the middle of my bad dream again. The lake, the shed, the wood. But this time the reflection in the water is not my mum but Cassius. I’m wading into the lake towards him, when I hear a clear voice, “Livia, don’t! Let him die!” When I turn around I only see a Chartreux cat standing on the shore, illuminated by the moonlight. I hear Cassius calling my name and turn back to him, but this time it’s Natalie’s voice that holds me back. “Don’t follow him into the lake! I only want to protect you!” She’s standing on the exact spot where the cat had been. I hesitate but finally proceed to wade into the water. Cassius’ reflection however is gone, lost in the darkness of the lake. “Cassius!” Frantically I call his name but he doesn’t answer. He’s gone forever, drowned, I’d hesitated too long and lost him.
“Wake up, Livia!” Natalie is shaking me roughly. My face is wet with tears and I’m shivering with cold.
“Cassius and you, I saw you at the lake. And the cat too,” I stutter, still half asleep. Natalie wraps her arms around me, holding me close.
“Everything will be alright. It was just a bad dream,” she keeps repeating until I stop shivering. “Nobody can hurt you.” I look at her and see the blue lights in her eyes.
“Natalie, your eyes, what’s going on?” My voice is slurred, I’m suddenly so tired that I can’t hold my eyes open anymore. I sink back into the pillows and into a deep, dreamless sleep.
Chapter 23
“Are you alright?” Will asks Augustus anxiously when they gather with Rupert in front of the fireplace in the Blue Room for a nightcap. Rupert pours three large cognacs but Augustus declines.
“No thanks, you know I don’t drink.” He turns to Will. “How do I feel? I can’t really describe it. When Livia entered the room I thought it could have been Rebecca. They look incredibly alike and the sight of her shook me to the core.” He sighs, running his hand through his short curly hair.
“You hid it well, nobody would have guessed,” Rupert says approvingly. Augustus smiles sadly.
“Well, I tried my best, but I’m afraid all these questions about her family were a bit much for her. But I had to know how she grew up.”
“That’s understandable,” Will nods. “At least you didn't ask her about Rebecca.” The flames are flickering in the fireplace as Rupert refills their glasses.
“Since Natalie told me that Livia was Rebecca’s daughter I haven’t been able to think about anything else,” the older man confesses.
“Why didn’t you want to meet her sooner then?” Rupert asks curiously. Augustus shrugs.
“Call it cowardice, if you want. I didn’t have the guts, I didn’t know how I’d react.” Will ponders Augustus’ last words to Livia.
“But now you can accept her, can’t you?” Augustus looks up at the blonde guy.
“Of course I can. And I genuinely like her as well.” He smiles. “She looks just like Rebecca, apart from her eyes, but she’s very different, not as insecure.” Rupert frowns in surprise.
“You really think so? I find her extremely shy and insecure,” he disagrees. Augustus shakes his head.
“Maybe, but the way she tries to hold her ground here is rather impressive and shows a strong will. She knows what she wants and she tries to stand up for herself.” Will giggles.