At this instant Ruth emerges from the house, carrying bowls of salad, and I bite my lower lip. In dark blue jeans and a cream jumper she looks just as good as in designer dresses, the bitch. Even more so, as she looks much younger this way, with her glossy hair tumbling down her back. I wonder how I should behave towards her now. Clearly I have the urge to scream at her and scratch that perfect face but they already think I’m crazy as it is. So I decide to make myself as invisible as possible. Now Ruth looks around searchingly. So that’s how she’s going to handle me now: her black eyes look straight through me as if I wasn’t here. Right, two can play that game. She gives the fire a wide berth, takes an empty glass from the table and sits down close to Cassius. For a second I indulge in the fantasy of pouring the red wine all over her. Now she’s whispering to Cassius who only shakes his head, and as he doesn’t offer her his bottle, she fills her glass herself. Cassius proceeds to ignore her and I have to stifle a giggle.
“What a nice warm day!” she exclaims now, clearly determined to elicit some response from him. “But don’t you think it’s still too cold to eat outside?” Cassius only grunts and I can’t help smirking. “We could eat in the conservatory,” she rushes on. “You haven’t shown us the orchids yet.” I feel my stomach contract. Not again, Ruth! Cassius turns to her now and she shrinks back. I don’t think he’s said anything to her, but a startled expression crosses her face. If I didn’t know better I’d say it was fear.
“No, we’re going to eat outside!” he growls, getting up from the ground and strolling towards the fire. Serves her right, the cow! But I notice the nasty look that Rupert gives Cassius. Then he hands the iron bar to Augustus and walks over to Ruth who is still sitting kind of shell-shocked on the ground. Augustus shakes his head and proceeds to put the grillage over the fire. Cassius helps him. I prick up my ears when Augustus starts talking to him.
“What’s the matter with you this weekend?” he inquires softly, but his bass voice carries the sound over to me nevertheless. Cassius doesn’t reply, I‘m watching his lips. Oh, those lips. No, Livia, don’t go there! But I can’t help remembering the feelings they elicited in me. “It’s to do with Livia, isn’t it?” Augustus continues. Uncomfortably I bite my lower lip and look away. They mustn’t know that I can hear them. “Are you trying to drive her away?” Now Cassius turns to him and laughs incredulously.
“Me? You’d better ask Ruth that question.” My eyes widen in surprise. Obviously Cassius suspects that Ruth was the cause of my ‘accident’. Augustus purses his lips impatiently.
“I know what you want to tell me but that’s not what I asked. What’s happening between you and Livia?”
“Nothing, unfortunately. But that’s none of your business anyway.” With these rude words he turns away from the fire. What, unfortunately? What’s he talking about? But I don’t really care, I’m only upset that everyone’s talking about me behind my back. Maybe I really am the troublemaker Natalie accused me of being.
I’m cuddling Rufus’ big head on my knees, wondering how to disappear from here, when Natalie comes over with two glasses of wine. She squashes down on my tree stump, handing me one of the glasses. “Have you noticed Will’s gorgeous bum in those trousers?” she sighs and I have to smile at her. Everyone’s arguing but she’s still concentrating on the really important issues. “What a waste that I can’t convert him,” she muses, pushing her unruly locks out of her face. “And look at my brother, how he’s hankering after Ruth, comforting her and putting his arm around her!” Her hand flies to her mouth. “Oops, I’m sorry, I forgot you have a thing for him.”
“Don’t worry,” I murmur, suddenly confused to my core. Do I still have a thing for him? It really doesn’t bother me to see Ruth in Rupert’s arms. Shouldn’t I be jealous? But I don’t feel a thing, just the same as this afternoon, when he put his arms around me while riding. Ruth doesn’t seem too impressed by his embrace either, she’s leaning against him rather stiffly, her eyes fixed on Cassius. Cassius, a shiver runs down my spine as I look at him. So handsome and brooding, with his cruel mouth and his piercing green eyes. Again the thought of his rumpled bed comes to mind and a great wave of relief rushes through me. He can’t possibly have been with Ruth if he’s so nasty to her now, could he? At this instant I realise what I’m doing and drain my glass to hide my confusion. I cannot, no, surely not, he kind of scares me.
Mercifully Augustus claps his hands, interrupting my jumbled thoughts. “Dinner’s ready!” Natalie and I rush to the table.
“Livia, can you take him this big plate, please?” Natalie asks and I hurry over, glad to have something to do. Augustus and Cassius are busy turning the steaks and don’t see me approaching.
“Livia’s really rattling the family, isn’t she?” Augustus says to Cassius matter-of-factly. They’re talking about me again and I stop in my tracks. Cassius doesn’t reply. “But I Iike her anyway,” the older man continues. Cassius glares at him, his mouth turned up in a snarl.
“Yesterday I had a different impression.” I wince. What did Augustus say about me?
“Clearly I do have my reservations, watching you all. It’s my duty to be careful,” he says pompously. What is his problem? He sounds like I’m trying to marry one of them, not just be friends. Cassius opens his mouth for a sharp reply but becomes aware of me standing behind them. He stares at me, lost for words, and this time I don’t look away but hold his gaze. He should know that I heard everything.
“Hey, I think the steaks are burning!” Rupert shoves me aside, taking the plate and starting to remove the meat from the grill. Finally Cassius averts his gaze and I return to the table. Natalie indicates that I should sit on the chair beside her, but Will leaves one chair vacant on my other side before he sits down. I don’t care, I’m really annoyed at the moment. The whole weekend has been a disaster so far and I only want to go home. Cassius’ strange, angry mood scares me, Ruth is doing her best to make my life hell and now this old guy Augustus is also weird to me. Everyone has taken their places when Cassius returns from the fire with the last chicken legs and has to sit beside me as it’s the last free chair. He scowls at me, shifting his chair as far away as possible from mine. I notice Ruth smirking opposite me. Right, they can both fuck off. It’s me who should be offended, not Cassius. Will, Rupert and Natalie are chatting loudly, even Ruth and Augustus join in, but Cassius remains silent throughout the whole meal. He doesn’t eat at all but drinks one glass of wine after the other. I’m not hungry myself, nor very talkative either. Very aware of his hostile presence beside me, I’ve lost all my appetite, although the steaks are delicious. I shift uncomfortably in my seat and drink more than I’m used to.