“You think so?” my voice is shaking nervously. “I don’t know what to think anymore.” The words tumble out before I can stop them. He takes my hand and an electric current shoots through my whole body. Getting up he pulls me up too. My heart is in my mouth, he’s standing so close to me, still holding my hand and gazing at me with unfathomable green eyes. Butterflies are dancing in my stomach and I resist the urge to touch his soft black hair.
“You know you belong with us? You just have to let it happen,” he whispers huskily. His face is expectant, his eyes pleading. But his words bring me back down to earth and I shake my head determinedly, pulling my hand out of his.
“No, this weekend has clearly shown that we’re totally different. We don’t have anything in common.” His eyes are glittering dangerously now and I remember the blue flames I saw in his eyes yesterday. One more thing I can’t explain. Instinctively I take a step back. I should really leave now.
“Don’t you like being with us?” Now I laugh out loud. He can’t be serious, can he? Obviously I love being friends with Natalie, Will and Rupert. I’m rather afraid of him and I can do without Ruth any day. “Forget that I asked, how stupid,” he growls, his expression guarded. The butterflies in my stomach die one after the other and are replaced by a knot. “You obviously only like some of us. And you’re in love with one of us,” he continues, his voice suddenly detached and cool. “But there’s a hitch: you can’t have only one or two of us, we all belong together.” What does he mean? That I’m trying to undermine their friendship? Not him too!
“But I don’t want…” I begin exasperatedly. He stops me, holding up his hand.
“I know, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.” He runs his hand through his hair and turns away. I think I’m dismissed, but when I take a step towards the door he follows me. “Some philosopher or other said: Only that which is the other, gives us fully unto ourselves. I can’t remember who exactly, I’m not as educated and learned as Will.” His mouth turns up into a slight smile. “Think about it. Maybe you can only truly be yourself with us.” He reaches up and tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear. The butterflies are back, fluttering like crazy. I’ve no idea what he said but he still has his hand in my hair and I can’t think clearly. I stare up into his face, at his mouth, this cruel, sensual mouth, and will him to kiss me. I’m afraid of him but I want him like I haven’t wanted any man before. The seconds tick by and I’m melting inside, the anticipation killing me. He doesn’t move, leaving the decision to me, and slowly I’m leaning towards him, smelling him, longing to touch him. My breath is shallow and I tilt up my face.
“Livia, here you are! I’ve been looking for you everywhere!” Natalie rushes into the room and we jump apart. I’m still gazing at Cassius, whose mouth is pressed in a straight line now, his expression unfathomable. God, he’s hot but he’s not for me, I have to remember that! Natalie’s saved me just in time, not from him, but from myself.
“Goodbye,” I whisper and turn to Natalie.
Chapter 27
Cassius is staring at the grey sea. He’s deep in thought, not feeling the spray or the chilly wind that ruffles his hair. Randolph is sitting beside him on the cliffs in front of Blackmoore Castle, waiting. Cassius arrived the day before out of the blue but has not yet revealed the purpose of his visit.
“For the first time in my life I regret that Will found me and you made me an Arash,” he suddenly blurts out. Randolph looks up in surprise. This is the last thing he expected to hear. Nobody ever regretted their transformation into an Arash!
“Why exactly?” he asks carefully. Cassius runs his hand through his dark hair.
“It’s wrong to change a person like me into an Arash.” Randolph suspects now what it’s all about, having felt the boy’s restlessness. “I’m not only a Dark Arash, I’m a brute!” he groans. Randolph tries to hide his smile.
“What have you done to make you think that?” he gently inquires. Cassius stares at the ground.
“I nearly hurt Ruth,” he confesses dejectedly.
“You sparked your fire?” Randolph knows very well that he didn’t do it. He would certainly have been informed if that had happened, but he asks anyway. Cassius shakes his head.
“No, but it was a close call, I already felt it inside me. I could have killed her.” He turns to Randolph, looking at him with tortured eyes. “See, it would be better I wasn’t an Arash!” he repeats. Randolph pats him on the shoulder.
“Nonsense! Every Dark Arash has to fight against his nature and tame his dark forces anew from time to time, you know. Why are you so mad at Ruth?” Cassius bites his lower lip.
“She did something really vicious.” Randolph sighs impatiently. It has always been very tedious to get Cassius talking.
“Did she do it to you?” he coaxes. Eventually Cassius will have to come to the point and Randolph hopes it will be sooner rather than later. He wants to put the nice roast that’s been marinating in Barolo since yesterday into the oven. The seconds tick by.
“No, she was mean to Livia.” He’s finally beginning to get to the point. Randolph smiles, at last Cassius has uttered her name.
“And why does that bother you so much?” he prods. Cassius shrugs, knitting his brows.
“I don’t really know. She’s just so helpless compared to someone like Ruth.” Randolph suppresses a sigh as Cassius starts to stare at the sea again. At this rate dinner will never be ready.
“Couldn’t you have talked to Ruth instead of punishing her? It’s a rather drastic reaction towards one of the family,” Randolph gently scolds him. Cassius hangs his head.
“That’s why I said it was a mistake to transform me into an Arash,” he grumbles stubbornly.
“You know what happens when your dark forces are unleashed and you kill another Arash,” Randolph reminds him. “You’re expelled from the family and become a shadow between humans and Arash. Or two of us can summon Raytara, the judgment of the stars.” Cassius simply nods. “Tell me, what did Ruth do to Livia that was so horrible?” Cassius’ hands ball into fists.
“She abandoned her in the middle of a meadow.” Randolph frowns in surprise.
“That doesn’t sound so terrible to me,” he mutters. Cassius turns to him, his eyes stormy.
“Livia’s terribly afraid of flowers,” he tries to explain. “For some reason or other she thinks she’s responsible for the death of her mother who loved flowers. Don’t you remember that Rebecca was a botanist?” Randolph nods, of course he remembers Rebecca’s infatuation with plants and flowers. He doesn’t understand however why Livia feels responsible for her death. But first things first.
“Why are you so intent on protecting Livia? I thought that was Natalie’s self-imposed duty.” Cassius looks at him now, his blazing green eyes meeting Randolph’s amber ones. He opens his mouth to reply but then sets it in a hard line. Randolph waits patiently.
“I don’t know,” Cassius finally mutters. Randolph rolls his eyes, deciding that patience will get him nowhere.
“Why don’t you tell Livia that you love her?” Cassius gasps, looking so shocked that Randolph starts to chuckle.
“What did you say?” The older man shakes his head in wonder.
“You really haven’t acknowledged it to yourself by now? Or are you just pretending? Natalie has suspected it for quite a long time, Rupert and Will have guessed too. You obviously haven’t encountered this feeling before, but you don’t have to deny it for that reason.” Cassius glares at Randolph, shaking his head.