“Well, maybe,” I whisper, though I want to scream, yes please! Get me out of here, let everything get back to normal again! Ralph chuckles, he knows when he’s won.
“I hope your boyfriend won’t mind,” he adds and I hear the smile in his voice. My boyfriend? This strange, shadowless creature? The friend of Natalie who’s been stalking me for ages for reasons unknown to me?
“Well, he’s not here,” I reply in a low voice that doesn’t sound like mine at all. Ralph chuckles again.
“You bad girl! I like you this way. Should I come to your flat?”
“No!” I cry aghast. “I'll come to yours.” I can hear him taking a sharp breath.
“Hurry up, I can’t wait,” he murmurs.
Ralph’s familiar flat, the guy I knew so well. I know exactly who he is. I’m aware that it’s terribly wrong what I’m doing, I don’t even like him much anymore, but there are no dark secrets here. I’m drinking his vodka, feeling his hands I know so well. I already know I’ll regret this. But at least he’s got a shadow. I used to love this guy and he dumped me, he’d probably do it again. I know I’m only interesting now because I have a boyfriend. Cassius. Don’t think about him now! I have to close my eyes to be able to kiss Ralph. But then it’s nice, not extraordinary, but normal. And normality is the only thing I crave tonight.
Chapter 34
“Something’s up, Livia just called me.” Alarmed Cassius looks at Natalie and Will. Natalie shrugs, lounging in a deckchair in a skimpy Missoni bikini.
“She’s probably just missing you, or did she want anything in particular?”
“No, she claimed she wanted to hear my voice.” Cassius, clearly not convinced, is biting his lower lip. “But she sounded odd somehow. And then she put the phone down.” Will waves airily.
“Probably just a lousy connection. Stop worrying, tomorrow you’ll have her back.” Cassius shakes his head.
“No, I have to see for myself what’s the matter.”
“And how will you explain your sudden presence? That you ubilocated home just like that?” Ruth interrupts, carrying a tray full of glasses out onto the veranda. Cassius awkwardly runs his fingers through his hair.
“Well, she mustn’t see me, of course,” he mutters.
“And do you think you’ll pull it off?” Ruth smirks, taking a sip of her Tequila Sunrise. “What will you do if she really isn’t well?”
“Try to help her, of course,” Natalie interjects. “No, you mustn’t go, Ruth is right.”
“I should never have left her alone,” Cassius grumbles, causing Natalie to roll her eyes. He keeps repeating those words.
“Then you shouldn’t have! You wanted to get everything prepared for her here, but we could have managed without you, you know.” Will gets up, sighing. “You know what? I’ll have a look to see if she’s well. Otherwise you’ll be getting on our nerves until she arrives tomorrow.”
Will doesn’t return for quite a long time and Cassius is on the verge of following him when the blonde guy finally comes through the door. Will’s face is solemn and the friends look up in alarm. “I’ve been to Natalie’s place but Livia wasn’t there.”
“What do you mean, she wasn’t there?” Cassius snaps impatiently. Ruth turns away to hide her smile. Better and better, something seems to have happened. Maybe she won’t have to interfere and Livia will cop out on her own account. Will looks at Cassius helplessly.
“Her suitcase is packed, but she isn’t at home.”
“It’s ten in the evening there, and you’re telling me you didn’t look for her?” Cassius seizes Will by the collar. He wants to know everything and fast. Will shrugs his hand off and takes a step backwards.
“Of course I looked, I checked at her parents’ house,” he replies, offended by Cassius’ mistrust. Natalie chews her thumbnail.
“She hasn’t any friends apart from us. Where the hell can she be?” Will takes a glass of rum and downs it in one gulp, bracing himself for the next sentence.
“She’s evidently found your calendars, Natalie. They were lying on your bed.” Natalie gapes at Will, eyes wide with shock.
“My calendars?” she breathes.
“What’s noted in your calendars?” Cassius demands furiously.
“Nothing really,” Natalie whispers, hanging her head.
“Why did Will mention it then?” Cassius narrows his eyes suspiciously, and Natalie bites her lower lip, squirming uncomfortably.
“I marked the dates when I saw Livia,” she whispers. “I started when I found her last September and became convinced that she’s the right one.”
“That’s not too bad, is it?” Rupert asks uncomprehendingly, but Cassius emits a low growl.
“That’s disastrous, believe me,” he hisses. “Livia’s suspected for quite some time now that something is different about us, and now she knows that Natalie was watching her for months before she actually met her. How can she ever trust us again?” Natalie puts her hand on Cassius’ arm.
“She’s in love with you, remember? Tomorrow she’ll be here and we’ll finally be able to explain everything.” Cassius shrugs her off, scowling at her.
“You really think she’s flying out tomorrow? I wouldn’t bet on it.”
Chapter 35
His arm is wrapped around my body, his hair tickling my face. I’m very warm and I stretch slowly, opening my eyes. The hair is blonde, I must still be dreaming. I close my eyes, hoping to fall asleep again as my head feels fuzzy and there’s a steady, painful pounding beneath my skull. What on earth have I done to have such a thumping hangover? I breathe in and instantly know there’s something wrong. No lemon fragrance but a perfume I know rather too well. With a strangled groan I push the arm away and sit up. Oh no, that’s definitely not Cassius! What have I done? And then everything comes back in a rush: Ralph, the vodka, my pointless, alcohol-induced fear. Now Ralph is stirring too, tangling his hand in my hair. “Hey, why are you already awake?” he mumbles. “Come here, I really missed you, you know.” I shrink back, edging away from him. How could I have let this happen? Quickly I jump out of the bed, looking frantically for my phone, an alarm clock or anything to let me know the time. There’s a flight I have to catch. “Livia, what are you doing? What about morning sex or at least breakfast?” Ralph growls, watching me as I scrabble around for my clothes.
“Sorry, can’t,” I mumble, searching frantically for my bag. “I have to go.” Ralph gapes at me.
“You’re not thinking about going to Madagascar, are you? Not now that we’re back together!” What? I shoot him a filthy look.
“We’re not back together, Ralph. Last night was a mistake. Of course I’m going.” I finally find my handbag under the bed and shrug into my coat.
“To me it didn’t feel like a mistake, baby,” he smirks at me. I’d have gladly killed him. “Come back anytime!” he shouts after me as I rush out of the flat to my car.
The cool morning air clears my head and as I speed towards our flat to get my suitcase and ticket, the enormity of what I’ve done dawns on me. I’ve betrayed Cassius, the man I love. With Ralph of all people, the man who’d dumped me and destroyed my self-esteem. And all because of too much vodka and the issue of the missing shadows. No, wrong, also because of the calendars and Natalie’s obvious stalking tendencies. Slowly everything comes back to me and I groan silently. Instead of talking to Cassius I fled in the opposite direction like the coward that I am. I have to make that flight and I will. Cassius must never find out about last night.