“I’m good, thanks,” I answer stiffly, turning on the shower. Natalie gets up but doesn’t approach me.
“Why didn’t you come to Madagascar? We were all waiting for you and Cassius is desperate,” she whispers. I grunt, his name cutting into my heart, but I have to make my point clear.
“Tell Cassius, I prefer human beings to mythical creatures,” I reply cruelly. Natalie winces.
“Who told you? What happened?” She looks at me imploringly and part of me wants to hug her and comfort her. But my rational part refuses to relent.
“You think I’m so dumb that I couldn’t figure it out for myself? The blue lights in your eyes, the lack of shadows, it’s evident.” Right, that’s somewhat exaggerated, but I have to stay mad at her so that I can take the offensive. “I know you’d been watching me for months before we met and our encounter was no coincidence. That’s sick, Natalie, it’s called stalking, at least by us humans.” My voice is shrill and high now. I have to get it all out quickly, before I break down. “You wonder what I’m doing here? I’m having fun, leading a normal life, with a normal guy. You were always the one who claimed that I should have more fun, weren’t you?” Natalie blanches during my tirade. She’s just opening her mouth to reply when there’s a knock on the door and I turn around.
“Livia, what’s up? Why are you shouting?” In the next instant Ralph tears open the door and I gasp. How should I explain Natalie’s presence? I whirl around, hoping that she’s disappeared like Ruth did, but a Chartreux cat is staring back at me. “Where did the cat come from?” Ralph asks, taken aback, pointing to the grey cat sitting at my feet. Oh hell. Kio. Natalie. The dozens of Chartreux cats I kept seeing. I’m going to be sick, I can’t take anymore.
“It must have come in through the window?” I stutter in a weak voice, pointing to the tilted window.
“On the fourth floor?” he frowns.
“Well, I didn’t bring her in,” I snap at him, losing it fast. “Just get rid of her! I’m allergic to cats.” Ralph chuckles and bends down to pick up the cat.
“Really? I didn’t know. How long have you been allergic to them?”
“It’s a recent development,” I hiss, glaring at the animal. Before Ralph can get hold of her, the cat jumps onto the windowsill and squeezes through the gap.
“It’ll hurt itself!” Ralph shouts, opening the window. I didn’t have him down for an animal lover before. I shrug, stepping out of my clothes. I’m sure nothing will happen to Natalie, she’ll probably just disappear or change into a bird or something. “I can’t see it anymore,” Ralph says, leaning out of the window. I roll my eyes and step into the shower.
“I’m so sorry, she doesn’t want to return to us.” Natalie bites her lip, staring down at the floor. Cassius glares at her uncomprehendingly.
“But why not?” Will blushes, but Natalie looks Cassius square in the eye. She has to pull this off.
“Because she wants to lead a normal life, with other humans. She doesn’t want to be like us.”
“But she doesn’t know what we are!” Cassius shouts, wiping the glasses from the table with one swift movement. Natalie takes a deep breath.
“She knows we’re different and that’s enough for her.” Will and Natalie have made a pact that Cassius must never know about Ralph. Natalie just hopes that they’ve carried it off because Will is not good at lying.
“Nonsense! I’ll go and get her! This time you can’t deter me. Where’s she staying?” Cassius rages.
“With… her sister,” Will stutters, turning a shade darker. Ruth looks from him to Natalie with raised brows, sensing that something is not right. Will gazes at Natalie imploringly but it’s Augustus, called by Natalie, who comes to the rescue, grabbing Cassius by both shoulders.
“Have you forgotten one of our most important rules? The matter of free will?” Cassius halts, glaring at the older man. “Each candidate has to join us of their own free will, we mustn’t force them or try to persuade them.” Augustus gently shakes the other man. “Don’t you think I wouldn’t have loved to persuade Rebecca?” he adds softly. The room falls silent. Augustus usually never talks about Rebecca. “If her daughter makes the same decision you cannot and will not do anything about it.”
“It just means that she was the wrong one in the first place,” Ruth smirks, ignoring Natalie’s filthy look.
“I don’t care if she wants to be one of us or not,” Cassius hisses, shrugging Augustus off. “I’m going to be with her on her own terms.” He starts pacing the room, the shards of glass crunching beneath his shoes. Natalie and Will look at each other, embarrassed. Livia wouldn’t want that either, they’re quite sure. Augustus steps in front of Cassius, halting him.
“You know that’s not possible. We’re not allowed to commit ourselves to any human being.”
“Then I don’t want to be an Arash anymore!” Cassius shouts stubbornly, storming out of the room, followed by Will and Rupert.
In the daytime I try to push any thought about Cassius to the back of my mind. But the nights are hell, I dream constantly about him and the others. The Arash. I’ve googled it and found out that the word is Persian and means ‘bright’, ‘glowing’. But I haven’t seen a single entry about beings with that name. It is like they don’t exist at all. Maybe Ruth lied to me after all. If there weren’t the issues with the shadows, the blue lights, and of course the disappearing act. Right, add Natalie the cat to the list. Besides, there’s my mum’s letter, the key and her ring which I found under really weird circumstances. A cat was involved in that too. Ruth claimed to have known my mum really well. But how does she fit into the whole story? Maybe I should have asked Cassius but my panic reaction has blocked the way back to him forever. Sometimes when I walk through the streets I become aware that I’m looking for his face. Yesterday I followed some dark-haired guy, my heart pounding, but it wasn’t him. Natalie came to check on me, I somehow expected him to look for me too. Maybe I’d have hidden in fright, but there are days when I suspect I would have gone with him, but as he hasn’t come for me, my musing is irrelevant.
I’m leading a normal life now. No, I didn’t take my exams at uni, but I’m involved in Ralph’s life again. We’re having a good time, although a part of me has died. Ralph spoils me, and his friends have embraced me like we had never been apart. And as I’m not as needy and clingy as I was the first time round, Ralph is still infatuated. Deep down I know it’s just because I’m not in love with him. I loved him once, but I’ve loved another man more. He’s quite good in bed but I’ve known better. I can handle him now, he’s only a normal human being after all. I roll my eyes at myself.
But the old feeling of not belonging is somehow still there. And I miss Natalie, Will and Rupert. And above all, Cassius. During the nights I wake up, feeling his touch, his mouth on mine, but there’s somebody else lying beside me and I weep at my loss. But I still can’t accept Ruth’s story.
Ruth smiles slyly. Ubilocating is just the most practical and inconspicuous thing. When she remembers that the remains of the star-shaped mirror are still in Natalie’s flat, she returns and throws them into the river. Then she quickly pops in at Livia’s sister’s house to check if Livia is there. Of course she isn’t, but Ruth knew right from the start that Will was lying. She was watching him and Natalie very closely, suspecting that they shared some secret. And it had to be something huge, something that would incriminate Livia. When Sophie leaves her flat, Ruth starts checking her computer, and soon a smile spreads across her face. This is just as good as it can be! Now she has Livia over a barrel in case she ever changes her mind.