“I didn’t know that she was pregnant with my child when I left her.”
The world is starting to shift under my feet. I jump up, stagger to the door, colliding with a waiter.
“Everything alright, Miss?” he calls after me but I don’t stop. Heart beating frantically, I run out into the street, into the rain, just to get away from this nightmare. His words are ringing in my ears, and I try to reject their meaning, but I simply can’t: I am Randolph’s daughter. A part of this creature, this Arash. Suddenly a strong hand seizes me from behind, halting me. His hand.
“Livia, stop!” I whirl around and look into his eyes. Amber eyes, so similar to mine.
“Why did you tell me now?” I sob, tears streaming down my face. “It’s her secret, it doesn’t concern me.” Randolph puts his arms around me, trying to calm me down.
“It certainly does. Now the circle is complete. I wasn’t allowed to look for you earlier, but now fate has united us again. You belong to us, to my family, to me. Right from your birth you’ve belonged to us. It’s your destiny and your mother knew it too.”
Chapter 39
Now I know why I’ve never really belonged anywhere, why I’m a bit different. Now I know why I was so comfortable with Natalie, Will and Rupert. And Cassius. All my life I’ve tried to fit in and yet I didn’t have a chance. I walk the streets for hours after I ran away from Randolph for the second time. He didn’t follow me this time. The rain has stopped and the wind has dried my hair and my clothes. It’s getting dark and I’ve have no idea where to go. I don’t belong anywhere anymore. But when I look up at the sky it’s there, my bright star, bathing everything in its bluish light, and suddenly everything’s very clear to me. The decision is not mine to make, there is no decision anymore, as Randolph and my mum made it a long time ago. The second I realise that, a great weight shifts from my shoulders. I have to stop struggling with my fate, running away from it. THEY are my fate, Cassius, not Ralph. Even before I'm changed into an Arash I belong to them. Rebecca didn’t dare and she died. But she wanted it for me, knowing I was one of them anyway.
Again I’m standing in the same street and this time I’m able to find the Spanish bar. Or to see it, to be more precise. I’m sure Randolph is hidden behind me somewhere, making me see it. Suddenly I’m very calm, only my heart beats faster as I walk down the steps. When I open the door, I immediately spot them at a table at the back, but I have eyes only for Cassius. He looks like the first time I saw him, in the Nobu, dressed all in black, his face closed and arrogant. My calmness evaporates and I have to lean against the wall, my knees going weak. I would gladly run to him and kiss him for all I’m worth but how will he react? And the others? I can hardly pretend that the past week didn’t happen. Above all, Natalie knows the truth about Ralph. Has she told Cassius? Is that the reason why he didn’t look for me? Do they all know? I’m very much tempted to leave before they notice me but then I see Ruth peeling a large scampi and feeding it to Cassius. Hot anger rushes through my body, Cassius is mine! I’ll teach her to take her greedy paws off him! Normality? Fuck it! Who needs it anyway! He loves me and I love him, and in this moment I want him more than anything else on earth. Determinedly I walk up to their table. “The scampi aren’t as nice as they were last time but the squid is…” Will’s chin drops as he notices me. They all stare at me, speechless.
“When’s the next flight to Madagascar?” I whisper in a low voice, looking only at Cassius. Close up, his face is drawn, his green eyes wary. The blood rushes in my ears. What if he rejects me now? The air between us is charged with electricity as the seconds tick by.
“Now.” His voice is as hoarse as mine. Cassius gets up and takes my hand, shooting an electric current through my whole body. He doesn’t smile but I’ve never been more sure that he loves me than in this moment. Everything will be alright.
“Livia, why…?” Natalie has found her voice again but I don’t have time for her right now.
“Shut up, cat!” I snap at her, but the grin on my face softens my words. In this instant a cold hand grabs my other wrist and Ruth drags me down to her.
“Fuck off or I’ll tell him where you’ve been all this time!” she hisses menacingly. I nearly faint, the icy shock running through my veins. I cannot, will not permit her to take him away from me. Not just him, but this second world that I’m finally prepared to enter. And I have one advantage: they don’t have a clue that I’m half Arash already. I put my mouth to her ear.
“Does he know that you tried to scare me away and erase my memory?” She freezes, sucking in her breath.
“Livia, let’s go!” Cassius urges me again. I narrow my eyes at Ruth.
“Your silence against mine. Deal?” Her face is full of hatred and I’m convinced that she’ll tell on me there and then. She’ll destroy everything, Cassius is not the forgiving kind of guy. But suddenly she nods, very slightly. She’s afraid of something, I can see it in her eyes. I don’t know what it is but I really don’t care right now. I’ve won. Smirking I snatch away my hand.
“See you, I guess.” With one last glance back I wrap my arm around Cassius and leave the bar with him.
Chapter 40
“She’s different somehow,” Natalie comments, sipping her orange juice. Together with Will, Augustus, Ruth and Rupert she is sitting on the beach, watching Cassius and Livia swimming in the sea.
“Yes, I think so too,” Augustus muses. “She’s much more self-assured.”
“And she obviously knows quite a lot about us and acts as if it’s the most normal thing in the world,” Will observes. “Has Cassius told her?” Rupert shakes his head.
“No, I already asked him and he denied it. According to him, she knew everything when she came back to us.”
“But who on earth told her?” Natalie exclaims, burying her feet in the white sand. Ruth shifts uncomfortably, worried that Livia might have told Cassius about the events in Natalie’s flat. Impossible, he’d have freaked out and not kept quiet if he knew about her trying to erase Livia’s memory. Maybe he’d even have tried to kill her. But she’s worried for another reason too: Livia has talked to Augustus about Rebecca. Fortunately the man was too shocked to ask who’d told her. Could it have been Randolph? But no, the notion is too absurd.
Natalie doesn’t care what exactly caused Livia’s change of heart, she’s just happy that Livia wants to join them now. In a few days they will change her, at the next eclipse of the moon. Natalie has no doubt that Randolph will approve of her as well. She was convinced of that from the very beginning. Smiling, she watches Cassius and Livia who are far out now. She’s got her best friend back and will never lose her again. Livia’s secret about Ralph is safe with her.
“Cassius told me she even knows about the star-shaped mirrors,” Will continues. Ruth bites her lower lip nervously.
“Did you know that mine’s vanished?” Natalie exclaims. “At least, that’s what I thought at first, but then Livia confessed that she broke it in some kind of panic attack when she decided not to fly out to Madagascar. She realised that it was no ordinary mirror. I’ll have to ask Randolph for a new one.” Ruth’s heart rate is slowing again. She wouldn’t have had Livia down for such an accomplished liar, but evidently she’s determined to stick to their deal.