“Livia, there’s nobody here,” my father says softly, coming nearer. I shrink away again. The doctor clears his throat, whispering to my father.
“I don’t think she’ll come with us voluntarily.” No, he’s quite right, not if I have any choice in the matter! My father is looking at me sadly, shaking his head.
“No, I don’t think so either.” The doctor nods, opening the bag he is carrying. When he takes out a syringe I’m really scared.
“What are you up to?” I’m panting now. In one swift movement my father puts his arm around my shoulder.
“Livia, Blackmoore Castle has been a ruin for many centuries. Nobody is here but us.” He’s speaking slowly, as if I was a small child, and I shake him off.
“You’re wrong, my friends are all here!” I hiss at him, backing away. “I can prove it to you.” Did my mum have the same problem, nobody believing her?
“Cassius!” I shout again as loud as I can. My back is against the castle wall now, there’s no escape.
“Livia, we have to go!” my father urges me again. I feel the panic rising within me.
“No, you can’t make me! I’m staying here!” I whisper, shaking with fright and fury. Where the hell are they? Can’t they hear me? If only I’d been changed into an Arash yesterday, then my father wouldn’t have been able to find me! My hatred towards Ruth returns in full force. “Leave me alone and just go away!” I’m aware that I’m not sounding very sane now but I’m too angry to care. My breath is coming rapidly as I glare at the two men.
“We’ll take you home, you have to be reasonable,” the doctor says, taking over now and grabbing my arm.
“Help, Cassius, Randolph!” I try to kick the doctor, but he’s much stronger than me and pins me to the wall. Then I feel a stinging pain in my left shoulder and everything goes dark.
My memories of the following weeks are just a haze. Rooms with white walls, doctors in white coats, everything white, every colour seems to have deserted my life. There were the faces of my parents and my sister, everyone reasoning with me. At the start I tried to explain, but they wouldn’t listen to me. They undressed me, stuck me into a white nighty and jabbed me with needles, but only when they tried to take my ring away did I get really angry. I lashed out at them, shouted and tried to bite, but they were stronger than me. I kept screaming for Cassius, but that resulted in more needles and I fell into darkness again. When I woke up I looked at my left hand where the ring had left a white band on my finger. Cassius and the others didn’t come for me, not one of them. Ruth had won. From that day on I remained silent.
I don’t know how much time has passed but I don’t care anymore. The Arash have abandoned me to my fate, obviously indifferent to what’s happened to me. There’s no more hope, they’ve simply forgotten me. I can’t fathom why but I suspect it’s Ruth’s work. She could have helped me the day my father had me committed. Probably she told Cassius about Ralph, too. That’s why he hasn’t come to look for me.
I’m still not talking, shutting the world out as best I can. When the snow starts falling I keep staring out of the window for hours. It’s already night now, I should be in bed, and the nurses will scold me if they catch me still up. I look up at the sky, and suddenly I notice the star again, my star, bathing the snow in a blue light.
That night I dream about them. They’re standing beside my bed, talking to me, for the first time since I was brought here. My face is wet with tears of relief. I see Cassius’ handsome face, drawn and full of concern. “We can only come to get you when you’re fully conscious and have stopped taking all that medication,” he whispers. Natalie pushes him aside.
“Randolph is still furious, the humans practically kidnapped you from his premises. He wants to talk to you now. Don’t lose faith, we’re all waiting for you.”
“Never forget that I love you,” Cassius assures me before Randolph takes his place.
“Listen carefully, Livia. You have to pull yourself together and start eating and talking. Cooperate with the doctors, do what they ask you to, then they’ll reduce the medication that’s addling your mind. You have to be fully conscious to be able to join us and you have to be allowed into the open. It’s essential, otherwise we can’t change you into an Arash. We can visit you here but you have to get out off your own bat, that’s the law.” Oh, fuck the law! Even in my dream I’m rolling my eyes.
“See you in the spring!” Cassius whispers and plants a soft kiss on my lips.
It’s just a dream but it brings back my will to live.
The doctors and my parents were extremely pleased that their treatment was suddenly having success. I started to eat and talk, my voice sounding strange after all that time. After a while they reduced the medication, the infusions and shots being replaced by tablets. I watched the snow starting to melt, listened to the birds beginning to sing in the mornings. My thoughts were becoming gradually clearer, dominated by my longing for Cassius and my hatred of Ruth. Every day I kept looking for the first green leaves on the trees.
Suddenly I wake up in the middle of the night. A dark shadow is hovering over me and I smell his delicious lemon scent. “Cassius,” I whisper and he bends down to touch my lips with his, ever so slowly. I tangle my hands in his hair, snuggling closer to him as his lips grow bolder, his tongue invading my mouth. Electric currents shoot through my body which is tingling all over. I moan softly, this is definitely no dream. Finally we come up for air.
“Livia, at last!” he whispers, holding me close.
“Where have you been all this time?” I murmur, running my hand through his black hair. “I thought you’d forgotten me.”
“Never,” he replies, kissing me again deeply. “I had to wait until you were fully aware again of what’s happening. Free will, you know. We tried to tell you in your dreams, remember?” I nod, touching his face, still not believing that he’s here.
“But it has been so long!” I sigh.
“A few months are nothing compared to eternity, right?” Cassius smiles at me. Then a new and horrible thought crosses my mind.
“And does Randolph still want me or have you been looking for somebody else?” Cassius frowns.
“What are you talking about? Of course we want you. I’ve been missing you every day, but soon it’ll be over.” Soon? I sit up straighter. Why not immediately?
“Cassius, you’re going to take me away with you now, aren’t you?” I whisper, feeling queasy. His eyes are clouded and he bites his lower lip.
“I’m sorry, I can’t. You know – the law.” I repeat the dreaded words with him.
“Oh, fuck the law!” I hiss angrily. “Surely these are special circumstances and you can ubilocate with me out of here!” Cassius touches my mouth with his fingers to shut me up. Right, my voice is rather loud now.