Erlendur was flustered. He had not seen his daughter for quite some time. Their relationship had been at rock bottom for so long that he had actually expected never to see her again. He had decided to stop running after her, to stop rescuing her from drug dens; to stop involving himself if she was named in police reports; to stop trying to make her stay with him, and looking after her; to stop trying to send her away to detox. None of this had changed anything, except for the worse. The more they saw of each other, the worse they got on together. Eva Lind had sunk into depression after a miscarriage and he was helpless to act. All his efforts had the opposite effect on her and she accused him of interfering and being overbearing. His last attempt had been to persuade her to enter rehab for alcohol and drug addiction. When that did not work he gave up. He was familiar with instances of this from his work. In the end, many parents gave up on children who were taking drugs and sinking deeper and deeper without seeing sense or showing the slightest willingness to cooperate.
He had decided to leave her to her own devices, and the feeling was mutual. He realised that he was rarely dealing with his daughter herself. He hardly knew her. What he was continuously wrestling with was the poison that turned her into a different person. It was a hopeless battle. The poison was not Eva Lind. He knew this even though she had never stooped so low as to use it as an excuse for anything. The poison was one thing. Eva Lind was another. Generally it was hard to distinguish between the two, but it could be done. And while this was no consolation as such, he was aware of the fact.
“Can I come in?” Eva Lind asked.
He was more pleased to see her than he would ever have admitted. She was no longer wearing her ugly black leather jacket but a long red coat. Her hair was clean and tied up in a ponytail, her make-up was moderate and he could not see any piercings in her face. Instead of black lipstick, she wore none. She was dressed in a thick green sweater against the cold, jeans and black, almost knee-length, leather boots.
“Of course,” he said, opening the door for her.
“It’s always so horribly dark in here,” she said, walking into the living room. He closed the door and followed her. Pushing a pile of newspapers aside on the sofa, she sat down, took out a pack of cigarettes and thrust it at him with a questioning look. He made a gesture to say that she was free to smoke in his flat but declined the offer himself.
“So, what’s new?” he asked and sat down in his armchair. It was as if nothing had changed, as if she had simply left him the day before yesterday and just happened to be passing by again.
“Same old,” Eva said in English.
“Isn’t Icelandic good enough for you then?” he asked.
“You never change, do you?” Eva looked around the bookshelves and stacks of books, and into the kitchen where there were two stools at the table, a saucepan on the cooker and a coffee maker.
“What about you? Do you change?”
Eva Lind shrugged instead of answering him. Perhaps she did not want to talk about herself. As a rule that ended in arguments and bad feeling. He did not want to provoke her by asking where she had been all this time and what kind of state she was in. She had told him so often that it was none of his business what she got up to. It had never been any of his business, and he was to blame for that.
“Sindri dropped in on me,” he said, looking his daughter in the face. Sometimes her features reminded Erlendur of his mother, she had her eyes and high cheekbones.
“I talked to him a week or so ago. He’s selling timber. Works in Kopavogur. What did you talk about?”
“Nothing special,” Erlendur said. “He was on his way to an AA meeting.”
“We were talking about you.”
“Me?”
“We always do when we meet. He told me he’s in touch with you.”
“He phones sometimes,” Erlendur said. “Sometimes he comes to see me. What do you say about me? Why do you talk about me?”
“This and that,” Eva said. “What a weirdo you are. You’re our dad. There’s nothing odd about us talking about you. Sindri speaks well of you. Better than I thought.”
“Sindri’s all right,” Erlendur said. “At least he’s got a job.”
This remark was not meant in approbation. He had not meant to pass any judgements but the words slipped out and he saw that they affected Eva. He did not even know whether she had a job or not.
“I didn’t come here to argue with you,” she said.
“No, I know,” he said. “Anyway, arguing with you is pointless. That’s been proven time and again. It’s like shouting into the wind. I don’t know what you’re doing or have been doing for a long time and that’s fine with me. It’s nothing to do with me. You were right. It’s none of my business. Do you want some coffee?”
“Okay,” Eva said.
She stubbed out her cigarette and immediately took out another, but did not light it. Erlendur went to the kitchen and put the coffee and water in the coffee maker. Soon it began belching and the brown liquid dripped down into the jug. He found some biscuits. They were a month past their sell-by date, so he threw them away. He dug out two mugs and took them into the living room.
“How’s the investigation going?”
“So so,” Erlendur said.
“Do you have any idea what happened?”
“No,” Erlendur said. “Dealers might be operating close to the school, even in the playground,” he added, and named the two sisters but Eva had never heard of them. Nonetheless, she was familiar with playground dealing. She had briefly done it herself some years before.
Erlendur fetched the coffee and filled the mugs. Then he sat back down in his armchair. Over the coffee, he watched his daughter. He had the impression that she looked older since the last time they had met, older and possibly more mature. He did not realise immediately what had changed. It was as if Eva was no longer the loud-mouthed girl who was in constant rebellion against him and would give him a piece of her mind if she felt so inclined. In that coat she looked more like a young woman. The teenage behaviour that had so long been part of her character was there no longer.
“Me and Sindri also talked a lot about your brother who died,” Eva Lind said, lighting her cigarette.
She came right out with it, as if it had no more personal bearing on her than a story in a newspaper. For an instant Erlendur was angry with his daughter. What damn business of hers is that! More than a generation had passed since his brother had died, but Erlendur was still highly sensitive about it. He had not discussed his brother’s death with anyone until Eva wheedled the story out of him one day, and sometimes he regretted having bared his soul to her.
“What were you saying about him?”
“Sindri told me how he heard all about it when he was in a fish factory out east. They remembered you and your brother and our grandparents, people neither of us had ever heard of.”
Sindri had told Erlendur this too. His son had turned up one day, newly arrived in the city, and told him what he had heard about Erlendur and his brother and their father, and their fateful journey up onto the moors when the blizzard struck without warning.
“We talked about the stories he heard,” Eva Lind said.
“The stories he heard?” Erlendur parroted. “What are you and Sindri-?”
“Maybe that was the reason for my dream,” Eva Lind interrupted him. “Because we were talking about him. Your brother.”
“What did you dream?”
“Did you know some people keep diaries about what they dream? I don’t, but my friend writes down everything she dreams. I never dream anything. Or at least I never remember my dreams. I’ve heard that everyone has dreams but only some people can remember them.”
“So tell me what you and Sindri were saying.”
“What was your brother’s name?” Eva asked, ignoring his question.