"My mother showed me how to attach the pad to the belt. Oh… you know… "
Nancy was mad. "Look Gretchen, did we or did we not make a deal to tell each other absolutely everything about getting it?"
"I'm telling you, aren't I?" Gretchen asked.
"Not enough," Nancy said. "What's it feel like?"
"Mostly I don't feel anything. Sometimes it feels like it's dripping. It doesn't hurt coming out-but I had some cramps last night."
"Bad ones?" Janie asked.
"Not bad. Just different," Gretchen said. "Lower down, and across my back."
"Does it make you feel older?" I asked.
"Naturally," Gretchen answered. "My mother said now I'll really have to watch what I eat because I've gained too much weight this year. And she said to wash my face well from now on-with soap."
"And that's it?" Nancy said. "The whole story?"
"I'm sorry if I've disappointed you, Nancy. But really, that's all there is to tell. Oh, one thing I forgot. My mother said I may not get it every month yet. Sometimes it takes a while to get regular."
"Are you using that Private Lady stuff?" I asked.
"No, the drugstore sent Teenage Softies."
"Well, I guess I'll be next," Nancy said.
Janie and I looked at each other. We guessed so too.
When I went home I told my mother. "Gretchen Potter got her period."
"Did she really?" my mother asked.
"Yes," I said.
"I guess you'll begin soon too."
"How old were you Mom-when you got it?"
"Uh… I think I was fourteen."
"Fourteen! That's crazy. I'm not waiting until I'm fourteen."
"I'm afraid there's not much you can do about it, Margaret. Some girls menstruate earlier than others. I had a cousin who was sixteen before she started."
"Do you suppose that could happen to me? I'll die if it does!"
"If you don't start by the time you're fourteen I'll take you to the doctor. Now stop worrying!"
"How can I stop worrying when I don't know if I'm going to turn out normal?"
"I promise, you'll turn out normal."
Are you there God? It's me, Margaret. Gretchen, my friend, got her period. I'm so jealous God. I hate myself for being so jealous, but I am. I wish you'd help me just a little. Nancy 's sure she's going to get it soon, too. And if I'm last I don't know what I'll do. Oh please God. I just want to be normal.
Nancy and her family went to Washington over Lincoln 's birthday weekend. I got a postcard from her before she got back which means she must have mailed it the second she got there. It only had three words on it.
I GOT IT!
I ripped the card into tiny shreds and ran to my room. There was something wrong with me. I just knew it. And there wasn't a thing I could do about it. I flopped onto my bed and cried. Next week Nancy would want to tell me all about her period and about how grown up she was. Well, I didn't want to hear her good news!
Are you there God? It's me, Margaret. Life is getting worse every day. I'm going to be the only one who doesn't get it. I know it God. Just like I'm the only one without a religion. Why can't you help me? Haven't I always done what you wanted? Please… let me be like everybody else.
16
My mother took me to Lincoln Center twice. We used Grandma's subscription tickets. It wasn't as much fun as with Grandma, because number one, I didn't get to ride the bus alone, and number two, my mother thought the concert itself was more important than looking at the people. I wrote Grandma a letter.
Dear Grandma,
I miss you. Florida sure sounds like fun. School is fine. So are Mom and Dad. I am fine too. I've only had one cold so far and two viruses. One was the throwing up kind. I forgot to tell you this over the phone, but when we went to Lincoln Center there was slush all over the place so I couldn't sit by the fountain. I had to wear boots too, and my feet sweated during the concert. Mom wouldn't let me take them off, the way you do. It snowed again yesterday. I'll bet you don't miss that, do you! But snow is more fun in New Jersey than in New York. For one thing, it's cleaner.
Love, Margaret
Grandma wrote back:
Dear Margaret,
I miss you too. Thank you for your nice letter. I hope when you were sick your mother took you to a good doctor. If I had been home I would have asked Dr. Cohen who he recommends in New Jersey. There must be one or two good doctors there. You probably caught cold because you kept your boots on at Lincoln Center. Your mother should know better! From now on, take off your boots the way we always do-no matter what your mother says! Only don't tell her I said so. I met a very nice man at my hotel. His name is Mr. Binamin. He comes from New York too. We have dinner together and sometimes see a show. He is a widower with three children (all married). They think he should get married again. He thinks he should get married again. But I'm not saying anything! I hope your mother and father will let you come stay with me during spring vacation. Would you like that? I'm writing a letter to ask their permission.
Be careful and dress warmly! Write to me again.
All my love, Grandma
Dear Grandma,
Mom and Dad say I can probably visit you during spring vacation, but that it's too soon to make definite plans. I'm so excited I could die! I'm counting the days already. I've never been on a plane, as you know. And Florida sounds like so much fun! Also, I want to see what's going on with you and that Mr. Binamin. You never tell us a thing when you call! I am fine. The snow melted. Mom is painting a new picture. This one is of apricots, grapes and ivy leaves. Did I tell you my friends Nancy and Gretchen got their periods?
See you soon, I hope.
Love and kisses, Margaret
17
On the first Sunday in March Nancy invited me to spend the day in New York with her family. Evan brought Moose. It was pretty exciting riding all the way to the city with Moose Freed in the same car, except the Wheelers used their station wagon. The boys sat in the back and Nancy and I were in the middle, so if I wanted to see Moose I had to turn around and if I ride looking backwards like that I get car sick.
We went to Radio City Music Hall. Grandma used to take me there when I was little. My parents always say it's strictly for the tourists. I wanted to sit next to Moose but he and Evan found two seats off by themselves.
After the show the Wheelers took us to the Steak Place for dinner. Nancy and I ordered, then excused ourselves to go to the ladies' room. We were the only two in there, which was lucky for us because there were only two toilets and we both had to go pretty bad. Just as I was finishing up I heard Nancy moan.
"Oh no-oh no-"
"What is it, Nancy?" I asked.
"Oh please-oh no-
"Are you okay?" I banged on the wall separating us.
"Get my mother-quick!" she whispered.
I stood in front of her booth then. "What's wrong?" I tried the door but it was locked. "Let me in."
Nancy started to cry. "Please get my mother."
"Okay. I'm going. I'll be right back."
I raced to our table in the dining room, hoping Nancy wouldn't faint or anything like that before I got back with her mother.
I whispered to Mrs. Wheeler, " Nancy 's sick. She's in the bathroom crying and she wants you."
Mrs. Wheeler jumped up and followed me back to the ladies' room. I could hear Nancy sobbing.
" Nancy?" Mrs. Wheeler called, trying the door.
"Oh Mom-I'm so scared! Help me-please."
"The door's locked, Nancy. I can't get in," Mrs. Wheeler said. "You've got to unlock it."
"I can't-I can't-" Nancy cried.
"I could crawl under and open it from the other side," I suggested. "Should I?" I asked Mrs. Wheeler.
She nodded.
I gathered my skirt around my legs so it wouldn't drag on the floor and crawled under the door. Nancy 's face was buried in her hands. I unlocked the door for Mrs. Wheeler, then waited outside by the sinks. I wondered if Nancy would have to go to the hospital or what. I hoped she didn't have anything catching.