I look down at the jacket I’m wearing – his jacket – the clothes I’m wearing – his clothes – my boots – his boots – and it gives me a funny feeling. Almost as if I’m his walking double.
Logan looks over at me and must realize it too.
“You didn’t take his pants?” he asks.
I look down and remember I did not. It was too much.
I shake my head.
“Stupid,” he says.
Now that he mentions it, I realize he is right. My old jeans are wet and cold, and sticking to me. And even if I don’t want them, Ben might. It’s a shame to waste them: after all, it is perfectly good clothing.
I hear muffled cries and look over to see Bree standing there, looking down at Sasha. It breaks my heart to see her face like that, crumpled up, staring down at her former dog.
I walk over to her and put an arm around her.
“It’s okay, Bree,” I say. “Look away.”
I kiss her on the forehead and try to turn her away, but she throws me off with surprising strength.
“No,” she says.
She steps forward, kneels down and hugs Sasha on the ground. She wraps her arms around her neck, and leans over and kisses her head.
Logan I exchange a glance. Neither of us know what to do.
“We haven’t time,” Logan says. “You need to bury her, and move on.”
I kneel down beside her, lean over and stroke Sasha’s head.
“It’s going to be okay, Bree. Sasha’s in a better place now. She’s happy now. Do you hear me?”
Tears drop from her eyes, and she reaches up, takes a deep breath, and wipes them away with the back of her hand.
“We can’t leave her here like this,” she says. “We have to bury her.”
“We will,” I say.
“We can’t,” Logan says. “The ground is frozen solid.”
I stand and look at Logan, more annoyed than ever. Especially because I realize he is right. I should have thought of that.
“Then what do you suggest?” I ask.
“It’s not my problem. I’ll stand guard outside.”
Logan turns and marches outside, slamming the front door behind him.
I turn back to Bree, trying to think quick.
“He’s right,” I say. “We don’t have time to bury her.”
“NO!” she wails. “You promised. You promised!”
She’s right. I did promise. But I hadn’t thought it all through carefully. The thought of leaving Sasha here like this kills me. But I can’t risk our own lives either. Sasha wouldn’t want that.
I have an idea.
“What about the river, Bree?”
She turns and looks at me.
“What if we give her a water burial? You know, like they do for soldiers who die in honor?”
“What soldiers?” she asks.
“When soldiers die at sea, sometimes they bury them at sea. It’s a burial of honor. Sasha loved the river. I’m sure she’d be happy there. We can bring her down and bury her there. Would that be okay?”
My heart is pounding as I wait for a response. We are running out of time, and I know how intransigent Bree can be if something means a lot to her.
To my relief, she nods.
“Okay,” she says. “But I get to carry her.”
“I think she’s too heavy for you.”
“I’m not going unless I get to carry her,” she says, her eyes flashing with determination as she stands, faces me, hands on her hips. I can see from her eyes that she will never give in otherwise.
“Okay,” I say. “You can carry her.”
We both pry Sasha off the floor, and then I quickly scan the house for anything we can salvage. I hurry to the slaverunner’s corpse, strip his pants off, and as I do, feel something in his back pocket. I’m happily surprised to discover something bulky and metal inside. I pull out a small switch blade. I’m thrilled to have it, and cram it in my pocket.
I do a quick run-through of the rest of the house, hurrying from room to room, looking for anything that might be useful. I find a few old, empty burlap sacks and take them all. I open one and throw in Bree’s favorite book, The Giving Tree, and my copy of Lord of the Flies. I run to a closet, grab the remaining candles and matches and throw them in.
I run through the kitchen and out to the garage, the doors already busted open from when the slaverunners raided it. I hope desperately they didn’t take time to search in the back, deeper in the garage, for his tool chest. I hid it well, in a recess in the wall, and I hurry back and am relieved to see it’s still there. It’s too heavy to carry the entire toolbox, so I rifle through it and cherry pick whatever might be useful. I take a small hammer, screwdriver, a small box of nails. I find a flashlight, with the battery inside. I test it, and it works. I grab a small set of pliers and a wrench and close it and get ready to leave.
As I’m about to run out, something catches my eye, high on the wall. It’s a large zip line, all bunched up, tied up neatly and hanging on a hook. I forgot all about it. Years ago, dad bought this zip line and tied it between the trees, thinking we could all have fun. We did it once, and never again, and then he hung it in the garage. Looking at it now, I feel that it might be valuable. I jump up on the tool bench, reach up and take it down, slinging it over one shoulder and my burlap sack over the other.
I hurry out the garage and back into the house and Bree is standing there, holding Sasha in both her arms, looking down at her.
“I’m ready,” she says.
We hurry out the front door, and Logan turns and sees Sasha. He shakes his head.
“Where are you taking her?” he asks.
“The river,” I say.
He shakes head in disapproval.
“Clock’s ticking,” he says. “You got 15 more minutes, before we head back. Where’s the food?”
“Not here,” I say. “We have to head up higher, to a cottage I found. We can do it in 15.”
I walk with Bree towards the truck and throw in the zip line and sack over the back of the pickup. I keep the empty sacks, though, knowing I’ll need it to carry the food.
“What’s that line for?” Logan asks, stepping up behind us. “We have no use for it.”
“You never know,” I say.
I turn, put an arm around Bree, who still stares at Sasha, and turn her away, looking up the mountain.
“Let’s move,” I say to Logan.
Reluctantly, he turns and hikes with us.
The three of us hike steadily up the mountain, the wind getting stronger, colder up here. I worriedly look up at the sky: it is getting darker much quicker than I thought. I know that Logan is right: we need to be back in the water by nightfall. And with sunset basically here, I’m feeling increasingly worried. But I also I know in my heart that we have to get the food.
The three of us trudge our way up the mountain face, and finally we reach the top clearing, as a strong gust hits me in the face. It’s getting colder and darker by the minute.
I retrace my steps to the cottage, the snow thick up here; I feel it piercing through my boots as I go. I spot it, still hidden, covered in snow, still as well hidden and anonymous as ever. I hurry to it and pry open it small door. Logan and Bree stand behind me.
“Good find,” he says, and for the first time I hear admiration in his voice. “Well hidden. I like it. Almost enough to make me want to stay here – if the slaverunners weren’t chasing us, and if we had a food supply.”
“I know,” I say, as I step into the small house.
“It’s beautiful,” Bree says. “Is this the house we were going to move to?”
I turn back and look at her, feeling bad. I nod.
“Another time, okay?”
She understands. She’s not anxious to wait around for the slaverunners either.
I hurry inside and pull open the trap door, and descend down the steep ladder. It’s dark down here, and I feel my way. I reach out and feel a row of glass, clinking as I touch it. The jars. I waste no time. I take out my sacks and fill them as fast as I can with jars. I can barely make them out as my bag grows heavy, but I remember there being raspberry jam, blackberry jam, pickles, cucumbers… I fill as much as the sack can carry then reach up and hand it up the ladder to Logan. He takes it and I fill three more.