She looked up and they kissed again, a deep, long, passionate kiss that tried to erase all that had happened before, and restore the promise for their love.
“I’d give a million dollars if your mother was anyplace else,” Cole said, kissing her hair.
“Oh,” she groaned. “Don’t torment me like that. If I start thinking about how much I want you, I shall explode. Quick, change the subject before I ravish you.”
“I like the ravishing idea better.”
She looked up and gave a play frown.
“Okay,” he said. “Still working? Nursing?”
“For a bit. Then I took ill.”
“Ill?” Cole said, startled. “I didn’t…”
“Don’t be alarmed, my dear. Simply exhaustion. The pressures of the job, I suppose. And the marriage.” Her voice dropped. “And here I am. If it weren’t for Dickie I should never have known what you were doing or where you were.”
“He is kind of a busybody, isn’t he,” Cole said. “All done with what’s-his-name, huh?” he added, teasing.
“You mean Gregory,” Rebecca said with a ghost of a smile. She was silent for a moment, and Cole could see that the memories were painful. “He has chosen to live his life, his way. I began to understand that were I to stay, I should eventually be destroyed. So I left him and came to Farley Manor.”
“I thought you and your dad,” Cole started, trying to find a way to broach the subject. “I thought you two had a falling-out.”
“We have,” Rebecca said. “But Father is seldom here. He has a flat in London and anyway, we are quite civilized to one another when he does visit, which is rarely. Mother and I get along splendidly when she remembers that I am no longer a child. William, you’ve met William, runs the household, although Mother thinks she does. I want for nothing, really.”
Cole nodded, not sure of where to take the conversation. He could no longer resort to the menu of phrases that he had practiced in the jeep. Some of it was conciliatory, some caustic and unforgiving, much of it bitter and angry over the pain that she had caused him. They were well past that illusion now — past the imaginary world that Cole had carefully constructed so that he held all of the answers and could play all of the roles. His scripted world offered the most protection for him; everyone was held accountable to his standards. When he allowed the truth to surface, he realized that his pain was not of her making. It was his. She had chosen to stay with Gregory because she wanted to salvage her marriage. She and Cole shared love for a brief period but she was not certain that would sustain a relationship. Cole began to realize that she was right to be concerned about their love; they had found each other during war, and war distorted everything.
“You said that I was a child,” Cole said, remembering. He had never forgotten those words, and whenever he felt the pain of their separation he brought them up to counter the agony of his love for her. But now they were just words — a way to carry on a conversation.
“Yes,” she said. “And I shall regret that until the day I die. I had no reason to say it.”
“Oh, yes you did,” Cole said in a flash of honesty. The last of the bitterness in his heart disappeared. He knew that he had been foolish to blame her. He knew that his anger had been his way of coping, of protecting himself. He also knew how much it had damaged him. “In a lot of ways I was. Maybe I still am. I only saw what I wanted. I didn’t care about anything else. I’ve had a long time to think things over. I guess I let my emotions get in the way of things. Sometimes I’m not rational.”
“Jordan,” Rebecca teased him. “You are human after all, aren’t you?”
“Yeah,” he nodded, “unfortunately.”
They both laughed and grew silent for a moment. She began to trace the outline of his jaw with her fingertips, and then slid them over his lips. He kissed them tenderly.
“I could have done things differently,” he said. For the first time there might really be a chance to find her again. There had been time and distance, but before that there were the harmful words spoken out of spite. His words. His way to hurt her.
“You’re being much too hard on yourself,” she said. “I often forget that some people don’t truly know themselves. I suppose that they don’t know what troubles them and they certainly can’t express that notion.”
“You’d make a great shrink.”
“A ‘shrink’?”
“Psychologist. Psychiatrist. Some guy who putters around in peoples’ minds to help them understand why they hate their mother.”
“Oh, I don’t hate Mother,” she said with a playful smile. “I just find her immensely irritating at times. You, on the other hand…” She let the observation hang.
“Me? I’m just nuts,” he said playfully.
“Jordan Cole,” Rebecca said. “You are a… a pistol.”
They both laughed.
“Yeah, I guess I am.” They were both silent until Cole said: “Do you mind if I write? Maybe drop by every once in a while for a visit?”
Rebecca straightened and looked at him in surprise. “Jordan Cole! If you don’t I shall die. I shall just die. You’d better do more than write and ‘drop by every once in a while.’” She took his face in her hands and looked deeply into his eyes. “You are such a silly goose at times. I will not lose you again, do you understand? If you run away I shall come and hunt you down. You must promise to write me every day and come as often as you can.”
He smiled wickedly. “Well, that part is up to you.”
She kissed him passionately, running her tongue into his mouth. He responded, feeling the heat between them blossom, wanted desperately to touch her everywhere, to have her naked body against his.
When they parted he breathed: “Wow.” He smiled at her and added. “I may write you twice a day if you keep that up. Maybe we can slip out and…”
“I’ll have to stay close to the Manor for a bit,” she said. She gave a small shrug. “Doctor’s orders.”
“Doctor? You said it was nothing.”
“Nothing serious, Jordan,” she said. “I’m tired, that’s all. I’m afraid the last little while with Gregory and the work in the hospital have been a bit rough on me.”
“You’re not kidding me, are you?” Cole said. “You’re okay, aren’t you?”
“I’m a nurse, dear. I know when a body is simply worn out, and I am most decidedly worn out. Don’t worry. Between Mother and William I shan’t want for a thing. In fact, if one doesn’t smother me the other will.” She gave him a quick kiss. “Besides, the faster that I get rested up, the faster that we can pop into bed.”
“I like that idea,” he said. “Can you go for a ride or anything? I mean just to get out of the house.”
“When you return we’ll have dinner,” she said. “If Doctor Lee permits, we can go out. If not, we set a perfectly adequate table here.”
“With Mother?” Cole said.
“Let’s not think about that,” Rebecca said.
“Okay,” Cole said. He noticed dark circles under her eyes and her smile wasn’t as vibrant as he remembered. She looked tired and he was afraid that he’d stayed too long. He glanced at his watch. “Look. I’ve got to get back. I’m practically AWOL now. I want you to promise me that you’ll take care of yourself.”
Her face brightened with a smile and she offered a mock salute. “Aye, aye, Admiral Cole.”
He stood and looked down at her and he felt his own smile growing. “Just my luck to fall for a girl who’s a wise guy.” He realized just how much a part of his world she was. He saw the same feeling in Rebecca’s eyes.
“You may not have noticed, Jordan Cole, but I am most assuredly not a ‘guy.’ ”