Cortland counts on his fingers and laughs. “Oh, gosh. Twelve.”
My father continues asking Cortland questions in a feeble attempt to pretend like this is their first meeting. I tune them out. None of it matters. Nothing about him could possibly make me un-see the dark side of him. There’s no going back, and there’s no changing my mind.
I know what kind of life I want, and it’s not a life with any part of Cortland in it.
When the food is nearly gone and we’ve all had our fill, my mothers begin clean up while Waverly takes the younger kids into the family room. It’s just me, Cortland, and Dad.
“I’m so ready to settle down,” Cortland says, turning to look at me. “Sometimes you see someone, and you just know.”
“I know exactly how that goes. I see a lot of myself and Jane in you two. Bellamy’s mother caught my eye at church, and it was all over from there.”
“So you know.”
“I sure do.” My father leans in. “Bellamy, you’re being awfully quiet over there.”
I force a smile. “I’m just letting you two get to know each other. I’m sure I’ll have plenty of time to get to know Cortland during the courtship.”
Cortland’s hand lifts for a brief second, as if he wants to place it on mine, and then he remembers he can’t.
“Bellamy is a beautiful, intelligent young woman. I don’t know her that well yet, but that much I can tell.” Cortland’s lips must hurt from all the ass-kissing he’s done tonight. “If all goes as planned, I’d like to ask for her hand in marriage soon. I don’t want to let this one get away. I’d love for us to be starting our life together before Christmas this year.”
On any other planet, in any other world, this would be moving along way too quickly. My father doesn’t even seem fazed by this conversation. He acts like it’s the most normal thing in the world.
“The best courtships are short,” my father says, “for practical reasons. The longer the courtship, the more difficult it is to maintain appropriate physical boundaries. I’m fine with that.”
“I agree.” I sit up straight. “I want to move quickly. I don’t want to wait longer than we have to, you know, if we decide we want to be together. I’m ready for the next stage in my life.”
Cortland shoots me a look only I can see.
“Which is why I need to get a job,” I add. Money. That’s what I need. Money equals freedom. Money will get me out of here. I need enough to get on my feet, get a vehicle that doesn’t have my father’s name attached to it and save enough for an extended-stay hotel or an apartment.
I. Need. Money.
“A job?” Cortland scoffs.
“I want a big wedding. It’s always been my dream. And I’d feel bad expecting our parents to chip in. Plus I’ve always dreamed of a European honeymoon. I’m talking at least three weeks going from country to country,” I smile big, like I’m speaking about something I’ve been fantasizing about since I was a little girl. “I’ve always wanted to see Paris.”
Lies.
All of it.
“Maybe I can work for a few months? I’ll save everything I make, and we can put it toward the wedding. Anything left over could be a down payment on our first house? Something big with lots of bedrooms.” I’m singing their tunes. I know how this works. I know how to tell people what they want to hear.
“I don’t know,” Cortland says, drawing it slow like he’s waiting for my dad to chime in. “I make enough to support us both…”
“Yeah, but what could it hurt?” I shrug. “Extra money is extra money. I’m done with school, and I’m just living at home. Why not work for a few months?”
My father scratches his five o’clock shadow. “You know, Bellamy has a point. And it’d sure take a load off us when it comes time for her wedding. I know how tough it is to start from ground zero and work your way up. Might give you guys a nice leg up before you start your life together.”
“Where would you work?” Cortland asks. “Want me to get you a job in the office at McGregor Medical Supply?”
“No, no,” I say. “I’ll find something.”
Cortland’s brows furrow. He doesn’t like this idea, but I don’t care. As long as my father goes along with it, that’s the only thing that matters.
“I think it sounds like a great idea.” My father’s words are music to my ears.
Thank God.
“Cortland.” My father clears his throat. “We’d like to see a lot of you around here. And we’d like to meet your family too.”
“I do travel for work, but I’m usually home on weekends and Wednesdays,” he says, turning my way and pinning me with his gaze. “I’ll be here every chance I get.”
My father thanks Cortland for coming and excuses himself.
“I’ll walk you out,” I say. The moment I’d been waiting for all night has finally come, but I won’t breathe easy until I see the red lights of his car growing smaller as he speeds over the hill.
The second we approach the foyer, Cortland peers around. We’re alone. He steps toward me, forcing me to back up until his hands press on either sides of the wall behind me. I’m trapped in his hold. His eyes penetrate with an unstoppable hunger, until he pushes his mouth against mine to take what he believes to be his. His tongue slides between my lips, and though the kiss lasts only a few seconds, it’s a few seconds too long.
“You did good tonight, Bellamy.” His voice is hushed, throaty and soft. “I knew you’d see it my way. Won’t be long before we can finally be together the way we were always meant to be.”
I wear the expression of a docile and domesticated wife-to-be, but on the inside I’m kicking and screaming.
“Can’t wait.” I want to spit his taste from my mouth.
“Do you mean that?” His hand leaves the wall and cups my chin, lifting it to his.
I nod. “You shouldn’t do this. If my father sees you touching me this way, being this close to me, it’ll all be over for you…for us, I mean.”
A long sigh drags past his lips before he licks them slowly. “We still need to make time for…us. If you catch my drift.”
I nod again. “We’ll figure it out.”
“And while I’ll allow you to work, it’ll only be temporary. And I should always come first. I’m your first priority,” he says.
“Shouldn’t God be my first priority right now?” I brace myself since he looks like he wants to slap me across the mouth.
He backs away, but doesn’t release me from his stare. “Don’t get smart with me, Bellamy. Let’s not go down that road, okay? You don’t want to see where it leads.”
“Sorry.” I hang my head, feigning shame.
Cortland grips the doorknob, and I watch from the door as he climbs in to his Kia and drives over the hill. The moment he’s gone, I jet upstairs to wash him off of me. Remnants of his drugstore cologne reside in my nostrils and his taste still covers my tongue.
“Hey,” Waverly says when I reach the top of the stairs. She leans against the wall like she wants to chat. “So it went really well! Dad seems to love him. They’re practically the same person.”
“Can you do me a favor, Waverly?”
“Yeah, of course.”
“Let’s not talk about Cortland, okay?”
She laughs. She must think I’m joking.
“I’m being serious,” I say, squinting my eyes. “I don’t know what’s going to happen. I don’t know where this is going to lead.” The truth lingers on the tip of my tongue, but I’m not sure if she’s ready for it just yet. “I don’t want to jinx anything.”
“So I’m not allowed to talk about him?”
“I ask that you don’t. For now. Don’t ask me about him. Don’t ask me about the courtship. Don’t say his name around me.” I realize my requests are absurd, and I wish I could sit down with her and explain everything.
I will eventually. When the time is right.
“I-I guess. I mean, if that’s what you want.” Waverly’s eyes turn from scrunched to sympathetic. “You were so quiet at dinner. It’s like you don’t even like him.”
“Of course I like him,” I lie. “This is a very big step to take. I take it seriously. It’s scary.”