I won’t tell her that, though. I won’t tell her how much I enjoy her company and the distraction she provides. I sure as fuck won’t tell her I actually might miss her come August.
“Fine. You’re making strides. I’ll give you that.” I trace my finger tip along her arm, connecting the freckles like a game of dot-to-dot. “So what kind of life does new-and-improved Waverly Miller want?”
“That I don’t know,” she says, pulling in a long sigh. “Just one of my own. One where I get to call the shots. That’s all I want.”
“Simple enough.”
“What about you?”
I think about the long answer, but I opt to give her the short one. “Exact same.”
Right now would be a perfect time to kiss her—at least, that’s what my body is telling me. I consider it, mulling it over like I’ve got all the time in the world. But I don’t want to give her the wrong idea. I’m not dating her, and this sure as hell isn’t romantic—at least not to me.
But then something washes over me, an impulse heightened by my racing heart or the way she toys with the gold locket around her neck as she bites her bottom lip.
And so I kiss her.
I press my lips against hers, hard, forcing her lips apart so our tongues can meet. My cock hardens, responding to her sweet taste.
She pulls away, pressing her hand into my chest. “Hey, what’d you do that for?”
“Now you can say you kissed someone in the same bed where Elizabeth Wagner used to kiss her husband.” I ready myself for a slap that never comes, which is a shame, because I kind of deserve it.
“All right, you two, time to go,” the cleaning lady calls up from the bottom of the stairs. “Gotta lock up. Let’s go, let’s go.”
It’s for the best, because the second she pushed me away, something deep inside me wanted more. I don’t know that I could’ve stopped otherwise.
CHAPTER 24
WAVERLY
“I had fun today.” I climb out of Jensen’s truck just before three o’clock, before a mass amount of camp goers and carpool mini vans flood the parking lot.
After we left Elizabeth Wagner’s, we grabbed hot dogs, Cokes, and moon pies from a local gas station and had an impromptu picnic by the Glen Oak Lake. The remainder of the afternoon was spent driving up and down county roads, listening to music, and basking in the warmth of the midday sun like we were the only two people on earth.
Jensen gives a tight-lipped nod and salutes me. If he’s trying to be charming, it’s working.
“Guess I’ll see you at dinner.” His gaze lingers on me a bit too long until he shifts his truck into drive.
“Yeah, see you at home.” I step back, watching him pull away.
***
Dad wasn’t at breakfast that morning since he went into work early, thank goodness, but he never misses dinner. Bellamy’s words echo in my head as we gather that evening. I still can’t bring myself to look my father in his eyes, partially because of his threat to marry me off, but mostly because I fear he’ll see it all over my face. He’ll see I’m no longer his chaste and true daughter, and then all chances I had to redeem myself as worthy of attending college will be rendered null and void.
It was for that reason I spent most of last weekend keeping busy with household duties. Every plant got watered. Every trash was emptied. Every weed was pulled. If my father saw me handling responsibilities and keeping busy, he wouldn’t have been able to suspect I’d just handed Jensen my virginity Friday night like it was nothing.
Jensen asks for the salt as soon as sides have been passed around. I hand it to him without saying a word, keeping my eyes averted. I don’t want to interact with him too much, not around my father.
“So, Bellamy tells us she’ll be traveling for work now,” Mom announces in such a way that I don’t think she’s pleased about it.
Bellamy lifts her water and takes a sip. “I’m getting a promotion.”
No one congratulates her. Those kinds of things aren’t celebrated in a home where women aren’t praised for having careers.
“I, too, will be doing a bit more traveling,” Dad interjects. “I’ll be on AUB business, meeting with various councilors and members of the ward.”
“You’ve been spending an awful lot of time lately on priesthood business,” Summer muses.
“I’m righting the ship.” I feel my father’s gaze upon me, weighing me down with unspoken connotations. “A season of change is upon us. It’s time to forge strong ties with the brethren so we can continue building our kingdom. There are certain resources that come along with fostering good relations with our local wards and councils. It’s a give and take relationship, one built on trust and values, one that requires sacrifice.”
When he speaks that way, I know he’s been spending more time with Bruce Waterman and other council members. Heat and ice flood my veins, and my heart thuds with slow, heavy beats.
Kath listens intently as she cuts up the twins’ pot roast. She doesn’t question the cryptic-tone of his words. Neither does Summer.
“Care to elaborate?” Mom asks. It’s rare that one of the wives questions my father, but if anyone’s going to do it, it’s my mother.
“When the time is right, I’ll make my announcement.” He saws into his meat and forks a hunk into his mouth. If he’s trying to put the fear of God into me once again, it’s working.
We haven’t exchanged many words since our little altercation last week, but I’m bent on convincing him he was wrong about me. As much as I resent him right now, he’s still my ticket to college. I can’t get student loans to cover room and board without my parents filing a FAFSA, and he won’t do it if he doesn’t want me attending school.
“Sounds like a load of shit to me,” Jensen mutters under his breath, loud enough so only I can hear him.
I can’t eat. My appetite vanishes just like that. I force a few more bites down, just enough to ensure no one notices anything’s wrong, and then I excuse myself to begin kitchen clean up.
When my father retreats to his den after dinner and the kids scamper off to the family room, my mothers join me in the kitchen.
“You don’t think he’s talking about taking on a fourth wife, do you?” Kath asks Mom and Summer, keeping her voice low. “He wouldn’t do that without telling us, right?”
Summer grabs a dishrag. “Let’s put it this way: we didn’t know about you until the day before we met you, so…”
“Yeah, but that was a little different.” Kath blushes. I’ve always liked her, but I know she’s struggled with feeling accepted by Summer, who wasn’t too keen on being displaced out of the blue. She and Dad had been struggling to have a fourth child and nothing was working, and then Kath shows up, marries into the family, and pops out a set of twins her first try.
“Now, now, ladies.” Mom fills the sink with hot, soapy water, and I hand her a dirty casserole dish. “I’m sure Mark would consult with us this time, especially since there are logistical issues. The houses on either sides of us aren’t up for sale. Where would a fourth wife live? And can we afford a fourth wife?”
“Knowing Mark, he’s got everything figured out,” Kath says. “He’s a planner, our dear husband.”
They continue gabbing, speculating about the odds of Dad adding another wife, when all I really want to do is tell them they’re wasting their time. He was talking about me, his cryptic words all code for planning to marry me off.
I can’t stand another minute, and I need to get out of the hen house before I go insane. “I’ve got some homework to finish. Mind if I head up to my room for the night?”
“Go right on ahead,” Mom says. “We’re about done here.”
I check the calendar on my way out of the kitchen, the one that tells us where Dad is sleeping that night. Tonight is circled in green, which means he’ll be at Summer’s. Which is a relief, because I could use a talk with Jensen tonight.
I bide my time in my room until well past nine, when I know Mom and Bellamy have retired to their rooms for the night, then I slip into Jensen’s room. I don’t even knock. I figure if we’ve had sex, we’re past the courtesy of knocking.