I fall asleep before I can hear his reply.
I’M alone in the bed when I wake up, and although I feel a pang of disappointment I tell myself it’s for the best. I take my time getting dressed, brushing my hair slowly, even taking my time with my makeup—anything to avoid walking out there and facing everyone. I’m watching a video on how to do my hair in an intricate braid that would have taken me all day when Faye walks into my room without knocking.
I hold up my free hand. “I know, I know. I’m a selfish jerk.”
“Well, as long as you know it,” she replies with a smirk. “How are you feeling?” She sits next to me. “Turn around, I’ll braid your hair for you.”
I turn my back to her and tilt my head back, closing my eyes as she runs her fingers through my hair.
“You going to tell me what made you run yesterday? I thought we were having an okay time here.”
Guilt floods me. “I was pissed off about something.”
Or someone.
My excuse sounds more and more stupid each time I have to say it.
“Arrow,” she guesses, her hands stilling for a second.
“Yeah, but it doesn’t matter. Nothing can come of us anyway, unless I want to start shit between him and Rake.”
And that was only one of the many issues standing in our way.
She pauses. “Is that the real reason?”
“One of them,” I say. “The other is that he clearly has issues he needs to work out. I think that he thinks I won’t be safe if I’m with him. But I’m already in deep with the MC; it wouldn’t make a difference. Maybe he feels like he can’t love anyone other than Mary? I honestly don’t know.”
She sighs heavily. “He’s worth the fight, you know. And fight is what you would have to do to get him to see things clearly.”
I let those words sink in.
“I don’t know if I’d make a good biker’s old lady.”
Faye scoffs behind me. “You should have seen me when I first came in here. I was a law student with my nose in the air, judging Dex’s every move until I finally got it. You’re a strong woman, Anna, and that’s all you need to be to be a biker’s woman. Keep your head up and just do you.”
“He slept with Jill!” I grit out, hating saying the words because that makes it real. “How could he do that to me knowing how much it would hurt me?”
“Says who?” Faye asks.
“I saw it.”
“You saw them boning?” she asks, her voice taking on a higher pitch.
I rub my forehead. “No, I saw her leaving his room and him naked inside the room. And of course she had to say something to rub it in.”
“Hmmmm,” she says. “You know, Arrow told her to get the fuck out of the clubhouse. After you left he lost it. Don’t even look inside the game room, because he smashed the shit out of it. I think he feels so much for you but doesn’t know what to do with it or how to handle it.”
He probably kicked her out because he felt guilty after sleeping in my bed, then going and fucking her.
And he should.
“Maybe I should just find a guy and have some hot, filthy sex and work out my frustrations, instead of chasing after a man who doesn’t want me,” I say.
“Faye, leave the room,” Arrow grits out, the fury in his tone notable.
We both jump and look to the door where he’s standing, half in, half out.
Faye had left the door open just an inch, so Arrow must have opened it without us hearing.
Well, this is awkward.
What’s the bet he came just in time to hear the last words out of my mouth?
Such is my luck.
“I haven’t finished doing her hair,” Faye complains.
“Faye—”
He isn’t amused.
“Okay, okay,” she murmurs, giving me a wide-eyed look before she leaves. Arrow slams the door behind her and turns the lock.
I gulp.
“Yes?” I ask, trying to keep my voice even. “What do you want, Arrow? How about another kiss from me so you get turned on enough to go and fuck another, easier woman?”
He looks around the room before meeting my eyes. “I didn’t fuck her, Anna.”
I pretend to not know what he’s talking about. I have to try and retain some of my pride. “Who?”
“Anna,” he says softly. “I came out of the shower and she was there, waiting. I sent her on her way. It wasn’t her I wanted, although it would be a hell of a lot easier if I did. And that was my second, extremely cold shower for the day, because I was so fuckin’ turned on but was trying to do the right thing by staying away from you. It wasn’t fuckin’ easy.”
“Oh,” I say, my mouth hanging open a little. “She said—”
“Doesn’t matter what she said; that’s the truth, all right? So don’t go around fuckin’ threatening to go fuck some other guy, because you don’t want to push me, Anna.”
“Arrow—”
“I’m not used to having to explain myself, Anna, and I don’t fuckin’ like having to do it now. You either have faith in me and trust me, or you don’t.”
It wasn’t that simple, was it?
My eyes narrow slightly. “We can’t do this, Arrow. You either want me or you don’t. You either take me or you don’t. I can’t do this back-and-forth shit.”
He rubs the back of his neck. “Why?”
“Why what?” I ask.
“Why the fuck do you have to be so beautiful that I can’t get you out of my head?”
“Oh,” I say again, blinking furiously. Did he really think that about me? Of course he did, Arrow didn’t say things he didn’t mean. Fuck, that compliment feels good. It is nice to know he wants me as much as I want him.
“Here’s something no one knows. Before I gave in and fucked Jill, I hadn’t been with anyone since Mary. Five years, Anna. I only fucked her to try to get you out of my head, and I fucking regret it. It should have been you. I don’t give a fuck about Jill. I just didn’t want to hurt you.”
He didn’t have sex for five years? Because of Mary?
“Why?” I ask.
He looks me straight in the eye. “I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve anything. How is it fair that I caused her death and now I get to be happy?” He stops and takes a breath. “I can’t go through something like that again. And with you . . . it’s worse, Anna. It’s fuckin’ worse.”
I speak in a soft, gentle tone. “I’m not going to end up like Mary, Arrow. And what happened to her wasn’t your fault. It could have been anyone that day.”
“Anna—”
“I know you loved Mary, but she would want you to be happy, Arrow,” I say, my eyes pleading with his to believe me.
“She would,” he replies, smiling sadly. “She was always so good, so perfect, you know? It was hard to live up to that. She was soft. She never disagreed with me; she never raised her voice. She wasn’t made for me.”
He pauses and takes a deep breath.
“But you, Anna? You’re my perfect match. You were made for me, because you not only take me as I am but make me want to be a better man at the same time. Because you challenge me and aren’t afraid to give me your opinion. You’re a fighter, Anna, and exactly what I want. I thought fucking Jill would take some of the want away, but it didn’t. I won’t be satisfied until I have you.”
“It should have been with me, not Jill, and I’m fucking pissed off that she took what’s mine.”
I seriously hated that bitch.
His eyes darken. “Fuck, hearing you talk like this . . .”
“What? What does it do to you, Arrow?” I demand.
He reaches down and adjusts himself. “I’ve never wanted to be inside someone more in my entire life.”
We stare at each other for a few tense moments. “Rake wants someone better for you—”
“Rake is going to have to deal,” I say, lifting my chin stubbornly. “You think I’d choose some overbearing criminal if I had the choice? You’re it for me, whether I like it or not.”
His lip twitches at that.
“I tried not to want you, Arrow, but these things don’t work like that,” I murmur softly. “It’s making me crazy. I’m overthinking everything, trying to understand it all, but really what it all comes down to is that I want you. More than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life.”