Spinning around after Julian nods his approval, I make my way back to the car. Ben is unloading the luggage, even though Julian said that someone was going to take care of them.
Gosh, he really is perfect.
When I reach him, he lifts his eyes and what I see in their depths scares me. The laugh is gone. He looks very angry. And hurt.
“Um, sorry about that. I didn’t mean to run off with your friend like that. And I’m sorry for bringing up Ashley. It wasn’t nice of me.” I tuck my hair behind my ear with a sweaty hand. My skin feels clammy with nerves.
Ben closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. After a moment, he opens them again and the look he gives me lets me know in how much trouble I am.
“Whatever, Cathy. Go ahead. Julian is a shit load of fun. Hope you guys enjoy each other,” he spits out.
He walks past me, picks up our suitcases in his hands and makes his way to the house, passing Julian without even acknowledging him.
What have I done?
My eyes follow Ben until he disappears inside the house. With a heavy heart, I turn to look at Julian who’s watching me carefully. The anger I felt before has been replaced by guilt. Why did I have to let my craziness get the best of me?
When I reach the spot where I left Julian, I’m aware that I should say something to break the tension filling the air, but I’m at a loss for words. As I search my mind for an icebreaker, I hear Julian ask, “Why is Ben so pissed? Did I interrupt a fight or something?” Putting his hands in the back pockets of his jeans, he waits for my answer.
Tucking a stray piece of hair behind my ear, I decide to be somewhat honest with him. I don’t know the guy, but if he’s Ben’s best friend, he must be trustworthy. Besides, I like him.
“Well…yes. It started as nothing, but then he said some stuff that really bothered me.” Nerves make me rock on my heels. “And, uh, I might’ve let my bitchiness get the best of me which sucks because I took an already shitty situation and made it worse. And my running off with you didn’t help at all. I mean, we’ve just met, so yes, I can see why Ben is so pissed off at me. And I’m sorry about before…you know, my lame attempt at flirting. I was trying to get to Ben.”
“Don’t give it a second thought. I could tell something was up. And, you don’t suck at flirting. You were very cute.” He grins as he stares at my mouth for a second too long. “As for Ben, I think he was pretty close to beating the shit out of me, but I don’t give a fuck about that.” He tilts his head and smirks naughtily, “In prep school Ben and I always solved everything with a good fistfight. Always.” He smirks, “However, that jealousy is new. Ben doesn’t do jealousy, it’s always the other way around. Not even when he was with Ashley.”
When the name of Ben’s ex crosses his mouth, an expression of disgust crosses his face, almost as if he’d swallowed a bitter pill, but it’s quickly replaced with a grin. “And I gotta say, Cathy, that I like it. It means that he’s getting over that bitch.”
Pondering his words for a moment, and letting them sink in, I smile as I look down at the steps. “Do you really think so?”
I look up and meet his sincere eyes as he nods at me “Hell, yes. That bitch did a number on him. And trust me, the Ben I just saw didn’t look depressed like the last time we hung out. This time he looked fucking mad because I was hitting on his girl.”
“I hope you’re right. I really do. You see…”
Then I remember the reason for our fight and his silence when I confronted him about Ashley, and I’m not sure how correct Julian is anymore.
“I don’t see, so why don’t you tell me? I like you. I can tell we’re going to be good friends, so tell me. Maybe I could help?”
“Fine, but remember you asked. Just don’t yawn if I bore you.”
“You would never bore me. Now, go on. But, wait. I have an idea. I can tell it’s going to be one of those long Morgan kind of stories where it’s always the guy’s fault and never the girl’s.”
I whack him on the shoulder, making him raise his hands out of his pockets in a surrendering gesture. “Hey! I was just being honest! But seriously, sometimes if you girls just spoke to us instead of acting all cryptic and shit, we would know what the fuck is going on. Anyway, I’m freezing my ass off, and you must be too. Why don’t we go to my mom’s greenhouse? We can talk there and avoid the orgy currently taking place inside my parent’s home.”
“B-but what about Ben? What if he gets the wrong idea when we don’t come find him right away?”
“I don’t give a fuck. He was rude to you just now, let him sweat it.”
“Um, okay. But, wait. Before we go, I need to…um, make sure of one thing.”
“Yes?”
“Well, since I just met you, I hope that “going to your mother’s greenhouse” isn’t code for hooking up because I’m not interested. I’m with Ben. And, well...yeah. I’m with Ben.” Blushing, I can’t believe what I said. I just told a very dreamy guy to not get any funny ideas with me. Me!
As if, Cathy. As If.
“Shit, Cathy. Really? One, I would never take you to my mother’s greenhouse to hook up. I’d take you to my room. I have the best fucking bed in this place. Two, I don’t poach, ever. Not even when the girl is as pretty as you are. Three, Ben is my best friend. And four, and I mean this, I want to help. I can already tell that Ben likes you, and Ben liking someone is a very good thing.”
“Oh my God, I’m sorry. I just wanted to make sure. I didn’t want to give you the wrong idea.”
“Nah. I like that. You’re cool. Now let’s go. I am seriously freezing my ass off.”
“Okay.”
The greenhouse is beautiful. Glass and plants and trees are everywhere surrounding us. There are roses and orchids and so many other foreign plants whose names I don’t know but have seen in bouquets on the covers of bridal magazines. As we walk deeper into the room, breathing the aromatic air, I can almost imagine myself in the middle of a jungle with all its exotic and abundant flowers and greenery towering over me. The moon, the only source of light inside the glass structure, allows me to see and follow Julian’s tall form without tripping over flowerpots and stands.
Julian sits down on a bench next to what looks to be a funky tree with its spiky leaves, and pats the spot next to him. When I join him, Julian leans back, turning his body so that I can see his face clearly, an easy smile appearing on his lips. “So, here we are. Now you can tell me what’s going on. Let’s see if I can work my magic, unless you would like to have a sexcapade in here after all?”
“Ha Ha Ha. Very funny. And have my ass poked by one of those weird spiky plants? No, thank you.”
“I had to try, ya know?” Julian says, laughter in his eyes.
I smile and look down at my lap, watching my hands twist. “Okay. So basically, I’m not sure what’s going on between Ben and me. I mean, I know what’s going on. I’m not stupid. It’s just that, well, I’m not sure whether we’re serious or just having fun. We haven’t discussed labels or anything. It’s not like I can say, hey Ben, do you want to be my boyfriend? I’m not that big of a loser, yet. I don’t know if we’re in a relationship or just dating. I don’t even know if he wants to be exclusive. I know I do.”
I lift my gaze and stare at the shadows of the plants playing on the wall. “The thing is I-I think I’m falling for him, Julian. Like in love. And we haven’t even had sex.”
“Wait, what? You guys haven’t fucked? No fucking way. Man…his pissy mood is making a lot more sense. Shit.” Julian’s shocked expression reminds me of an old school cartoon where the eyes pop out of its eye sockets.
Nodding as I laugh at Julian, I continue, “Before you feel bad for Ben, don’t. I’m not going into details, but trust me, he’s doing just fine. But yes. We haven’t gone all the way. I told him I wanted to wait to make sure he’s over his ex. And he’s been super sweet and understanding. On my way here today, I decided that I wasn’t going to worry about her anymore, so I told him…okay, I kind of implied that tonight was going to be the night, and he freaked out. He went all righteous asshole on me, saying he hadn’t brought me here for sex. So, yes, that’s when I let my anger get the best of me and brought Ashley up and—”