What about it?
Do asexuals use porn?
You’re just asking that so you can say “Ha, gotcha!” when I answer, aren’t you?
No, not at all. Do they?
Sometimes, yes.
Ha! Gotcha! You can’t be asexual if you use porn!
I knew it…
Anyway, yes, asexuals sometimes will use porn while they masturbate. And no, it does not mean that they’re not asexual.
People who watch porn don’t necessarily find the performers sexually attractive. People who watch porn don’t always want to participate with the performers.
Consider it another way. Watching a cooking show on TV doesn’t necessarily make you want to cook whatever they’re fixing on the show, does it? You might not even like whatever it is. But it’s food, people are eating, and that makes you hungry. So you go get a bag of chips.
With porn, you might not want to do what they’re doing, you might not even like what they’re doing, but you may find it to be arousing simply because they’re aroused. You watch it and think “They seem to be enjoying what they’re doing. I have one of those, too, and I bet that feels good. Now I want to feel good.”
Enjoying porn has no bearing on your sexual orientation. Research has shown that women who are straight will often have a strong arousal response to lesbian scenes. And the very existence of the “money shot” in porn aimed at straight men should put any argument to rest. After all, if straight men didn’t find the shot of another man having an orgasm and ejaculating (Often by his own hand) to be arousing on some level, then why would it be so prevalent? It doesn’t mean that the viewer is secretly gay and repressed. It just means that they don’t necessarily have to feel sexual attraction toward something to be aroused by it.
In my case, I find most porn to be dull, uninteresting, and repetitive. I get more out of the sense that the performers are legitimately having a good time and experiencing pleasure than I do from the way they look or what they’re doing. I am very easily distracted by things in the background, like movies on a shelf or views out the window. And things like poor lighting and poor camera work will absolutely kill a scene. Sometimes I’ll watch porn for educational purposes, to see how other people do things and pick up a few tricks and techniques.
What about asexuals who don’t masturbate or don’t enjoy it?
Then they don’t masturbate or don’t enjoy it. Not every asexual has to masturbate. Not every asexual that does masturbate has to enjoy it. If you don’t masturbate, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. If it’s not your thing, don’t worry about it and don’t worry about what other people might think. It’s no one’s business but your own.
Will masturbating make someone not asexual somehow?
Masturbation isn’t suddenly going to make you not asexual anymore, so don’t feel like you have to try it to know for sure that you’re ace. I’m pretty solid evidence that no amount of masturbation is likely to change your orientation. At most, you might discover that you like the way it feels and want to keep doing it.
What about asexuals who are curious about trying it?
If you’re looking for a step-by-step instruction guide, nope, not going there. I do have some other advice, though.
First: Relax.
Second: Don’t turn it into a chore. Presumably you’re doing it because you want it to be fun. It won’t be fun if it’s a chore.
Don’t feel defeated if you don’t get anywhere your first attempt, because you probably won’t. No one does. You’re not a failure and your equipment probably isn’t defective. It’s a learned skill and takes practice. I probably had to try for months before I got anywhere. Of course, those were the days before search engines, so it was all trial and error for me. At any rate, persistence is the key. You need to find out what works for you and not be afraid to try something new. And don’t be afraid of calling in a little bit of artificial assistance. Many people, male, female, or otherwise, will use lubricants or toys to help them get off.
Don’t feel guilty, as if you’re betraying your asexuality. You’re not.
You don’t necessarily need a libido in order to become aroused. It probably helps, but it’s not required. With the right mindset and the right stimulation, you can usually wake things up downstairs. Honestly, I’m not even sure I have a libido. I rarely, if ever, feel “urges” or feel “horny”, or any of the other things people describe as a libido at work. Whenever I masturbate, I usually have to spend a bit of time getting myself ready. However, I have read things which claim that sexual activity itself in some cases may increase libido in a sort of feedback effect. The more you do, the more you want. So you may have a dormant libido that masturbation could potentially awaken.
And most of all, if you don’t like it, stop. You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to. If you’re not getting anything out of it, don’t do it and don’t worry about it.
Anything more?
I’ll just leave you with this:
If you’re asexual and you masturbate:
Then you’re still asexual.
If you’re asexual and you don’t masturbate:
Then you’re still asexual.
If you’re asexual and you masturbate to porn:
Then you’re still asexual.
If you’re asexual and you don’t masturbate to porn:
Then you’re still asexual.
If you’re asexual and you masturbate using sex toys:
Then you’re still asexual.
If you’re asexual and you don’t masturbate using sex toys:
Then you’re still asexual.
If you’re asexual and you masturbate and you like it:
Then you’re still asexual.
If you’re asexual and you masturbate and you don’t like it:
Then you’re still asexual.
If you’re asexual and you want to masturbate, but haven’t:
Then you’re still asexual.
Personal Perspectives
The following sections represent my personal views and my own experiences with asexuality. They do not necessarily represent the views of all asexual people. I have included them in order to provide a more personal perspective on asexuality.
What Asexuality Is to Me
I never really got sex. It always seemed alien to me. When everyone else was busy turning into horny teenagers, I was oblivious. Whatever subsystem got switched on for their 13th birthday never got enabled in me.
Whenever I looked at “sexy” celebrities, I couldn’t see the appeal.
Whenever I looked at some girl I was told was “hot”, I wasn’t driven wild.
I never pictured people naked. I never wanted to jump someone’s bones. I never felt like an uncontrollable raging horny beast.
And I never understood anyone else who did.
I’ve known for years that I’m not like other people when it comes to sex, but I always just thought I was simply not very good at being straight. I tried the girlfriend and sex thing, but still never felt an urge to have sex. It always seemed like everyone else was pretending and I just wasn’t in on the game.