Asexual people are victims of some sexual trauma in their past.
The vast majority of asexual people have never had any kind of sexual trauma. Most asexuals will be highly offended by someone trying to pin their lack of sexual attraction on some sort of unspoken, possibly repressed event. And if they are victims of some past trauma, they’re generally not going to appreciate it when you bring it up and try to use it to invalidate their identity.
They have a pill that’ll fix that.
They have pills that’ll fix physical ailments, such as hormonal imbalances or blood flow issues. Asexuality is not a physical ailment. There’s no pill that’ll make an asexual start experiencing sexual attraction. It would be like there being a pill that would turn a gay person straight.
Asexuality is caused by a brain tumor.
Hour-long medical procedural TV shows should not be considered reliable sources regarding sexual orientations. Moving on…
Asexuals don’t/can’t have orgasms.
The majority of asexuals have typical, fully functioning sexual organs. This means that the majority of asexuals have the capacity to orgasm. Many asexuals do have orgasms, and often enjoy them. Certainly not all asexuals have had orgasms, and some do not have fully functioning sexual organs, however, those cases are not due to asexuality. Asexuality is only a description of sexual orientation, and in no way attempts to describe sexual ability.
I do have orgasms and I like them.
Asexuals are all homophobes.
This is categorically false. The vast majority of asexuals are LGBT+ friendly. There is absolutely nothing inherent in asexuality that minimizes, dismisses, invalidates, passes judgment on, or attacks homosexuality in any way. Asexuality is another sexual orientation that coexists alongside every other sexual orientation.
Asexuals are all super-religious and against sex.
Asexuality has nothing to do with one’s religious beliefs. Asexuality is not a form of abstinence, it’s not the result of a purity pledge, and it’s not that we’re “saving ourselves”. It’s equally possible for an asexual person to be a hardcore born-again no-sex-til-marriage brand of Christian as it is for an asexual person to be an atheist who enjoys casual sex with strangers on the weekends.
Asexuals all hate sex and everyone who has sex.
Asexuality should not be confused with antisexuality. Most asexuals have no problem with sex. Some don’t like the idea of sex when it comes to themselves, but are typically indifferent when it comes to other people. Some even enjoy having sex. Asexuality is merely a sexual orientation, it doesn’t have any effect one’s opinion on sexual activity.
I actually kinda liked sex. It was a bit boring, but at least it felt good.
Asexuals are naïve and don’t know anything about sex.
Asexuality is not somehow a function of a lack of information about sex. There are plenty of people out there who know very little about sex besides what goes where, and they’re not all asexual. Conversely, there are plenty of asexuals who know quite a bit about sex and sexual practices, even though they’re not necessarily all that interested in trying them out.
I happen to have a rather sizable library on the various facets of human sexuality, from textbooks and research papers to illustrated sex manuals. I have a bit of an anthropological curiosity on the subject, probably from my repeated attempts to figure out where I fit.
Asexuals are just faking it for attention.
How is someone who’s in the closet and agonizing over their identity “faking it for attention”? Most aces are in the closet or are not very open about it precisely because they fear the sort of attention they’ll get. All of these things in this list are actual things that people have said to asexual people.
Certainly, there are some people who will claim to be asexual because it’s trendy. But there are also people who pretend to be gay for some reason, and no one tries to use them as evidence that disproves the existence of homosexuality in its entirety.
In real life, I hardly ever mention that I’m asexual, as it’s not typically relevant to the day-to-day experience of a software engineer. The most attention I’ve gotten from it have been a few awkward (yet positive) conversations with my parents and a guy at work saying “Yeah, we all kinda figured that.” So clearly, that’s what I’m going for with this.
There are no asexual men.
There aren’t? Man, and I was so sure that I existed, too… Do I have to take back my “QED”?
Asexual men do exist, contrary to the stereotypes. I’m one of them. David Jay is, as well. He’s one of the most prominent asexual visibility activists around. He founded AVEN, the Asexual Visibility and Education Network, the largest asexual community on the Internet. Perhaps you’ve heard of it?
And we’re far from the only two around.
Asexuality is a moral stand against sex.
Asexuality is nothing more than a sexual orientation. It’s not inherently for or against sex or people who have sex. When an asexual says something like “I don’t look at people that way” or “I don’t understand why people think sex is so important”, it’s not a value judgment, it’s not an attack. It’s just a statement of fact. They literally don’t feel that way, they don’t understand it.
It’s also worth repeating that asexuality is not a choice, so it can’t be a decision that one makes to stand against anything.
Asexuality is evolution’s response to overpopulation.
I’ve seen this idea come up several times. There are so many things wrong with this idea that I don’t know where to begin… The concept of “overpopulation” is one of sustainability, not of actual, physical, overpopulation. I have plenty to eat and plenty of space to live in, as did my parents when I was born. Evolution didn’t come by one day and say “Well, there’s famine thousands of miles away in Africa right now and if you project out the current growth rates and consumption trends, there’s gonna be problems everywhere in about a hundred years, so, you know what? I think I’m gonna make you not be interested in women.” That’s just not how evolution works. There’s the whole bit where advantageous traits are passed along throughout the generations, because they assist in successful reproduction, even if indirectly. If there’s a trait that makes an organism not interested in reproduction, then that trait doesn’t get passed on, so it can’t become common within a population.[5]
If evolution actually were responding to overpopulation, it would probably just make us smaller so we consume less. Evolution typically doesn’t get much of a chance to respond to overpopulation, though, because famine and disease are far more effective instruments of population control which can eliminate the problem in a single generation.
Asexuals are all just confused teenage girls.
My driver’s license disagrees with this statement on multiple counts. Many asexuals are not teenagers. Many asexuals are not girls. And even those asexuals who are teenage girls tend not to be confused. Most people who identify as asexual do not do so on a whim or because we somehow just can’t recognize what sexual attraction is. An asexual person generally examines their life very carefully before coming out, so you can be fairly certain that when someone says “I’m asexual”, the last thing they are is confused about how they feel.
5
On top of that, it doesn’t really matter if something was done to lower my effective fertility, since there’s plenty of people with reality TV shows that are more than making up for me.