“I don't,” he admitted. “You know how it is when you first come on the job? Everything gets to you. You have to toughen up. You have to get that emotional armor on. Then you reach a point when you've seen so much, nothing gets to you, and you start to wonder about your humanity. Stay at it long enough, the armor starts to corrode, the evil starts to eat through it, and you're back where you started, only you're older and tired, and you know you can't slay all the dragons no matter how hard you try.”
“And then what?” Kate asked quietly.
“And then you either step aside, or you eat your gun, or you drop in your tracks like Vince Walsh.”
“On the surface that choice would seem like a no-brainer.”
“Not when the job is all you've got. When you bury yourself in it because you're too afraid to go and get the life you really want. Portrait of me for the last five years,” he said. “No more. As of today, I am officially on leave. Time to drain the strain, get my head screwed on straight.”
“Decide what you want,” Kate offered to the list.
“I know what I want,” he said simply.
He turned to her on the bench and took her hands in his. “I need something good in my life, Kate. I need something beautiful and warm. I need you. I need us. What do you need?”
Kate looked at him, her destroyed home in her peripheral vision, and thought, of all things, of the phoenix rising from the ashes. The events that had brought them to this place in this time may have been devastating, but here was their chance for a new beginning. Together.
For the first time in five years she felt a sense of warm, sweet peace in place of the hard, aching emptiness she'd grown almost numb to. She had spent the years without him, merely existing. It was time to live. After all the death, literal and metaphorical, it was time for both of them to live.
“I need your arms around me, John Quinn,” she said, smiling softly. “Every day and every night of my life.”
Quinn let out a pent-up breath, a grin splitting his handsome face. “Took you long enough to answer.”
He took her into his arms carefully, mindful of her wounds, and held her close. He imagined he could feel her heart beat even through the heavy canvas of her coat.
“You've got my heart, Kate Conlan,” he said, burying his cold nose in the thick silk of her hair. “You've had it all this time. I lived too long without it.”
Kate smiled against his chest, knowing this was home—his embrace, his love.
“Well, tough, John Quinn,” she said, gazing up at him in the last light of sunset. “I'm not giving it back.”
BANTAM BOOKS BY TAMI HOAG
DARK HORSE
DUST TO DUST
ASHES TO ASHES
A THIN DARK LINE
GUILTY AS SIN
NIGHT SINS
DARK PARADISE
CRY WOLF
STILL WATERS
LUCKY'S LADY
SARAH'S SIN
MAGIC
And coming soon in hardcover
KILL THE MESSENGER
Praise for the bestsellers of
TAMI HOAG
DARK HORSE
“A thriller as tightly wound as its heroine . . . Hoag has created a winning central figure in Elena . . . Bottom line: Great ride.”—People
This is her best to date . . . [a] tautly told thriller.” —Minneapoils Star-Tribune
“Hoag proves once again why she is considered a queen of the crime thriller.” —Charleston Post & Courier
“A tangled web of deceit and double-dealing makes for a fascinating look into the wealthy world of horses juxtaposed with the realistic introspection of one very troubled ex-cop. A definite winner.” —Booklist
“Anyone who reads suspense novels regularly is acquainted with Hoag's work—or certainly should be. She's one of the most consistently superior suspense and romantic suspense writers on today's bestseller lists. A word of warning to readers: don't think you know whodunit 'til the very end.” —The Facts (Clute, TX)
“Suspense, shocking violence, and a rip-roaring conclusion—this novel has all the pulse-racing touches that put Tami Hoag books on bestseller lists and crime fans' reading lists.” —The Advocate Magazine (Baton Rouge, LA)
' “Full of intrigue, glitter, and skullduggery . . . [Hoag] is a master of suspense.” —Publishers Weekly “Her best to date, an enjoyable read, and a portent of even better things to come.” —The Grand Rapids Press
“A complex cerebral puzzle that will keep readers on the edge until all the answers are revealed.” —The Midwest Book Review
“To say that Tami Hoag is the absolute best at what she does is a bit easy since she is really the only person who does what she does. . . . It is testament to Hoag's skill that she is able to go beyond being skillful and find the battered hearts in her characters, and capture their beating on the page. . . . A superb read.” —Detroit News & Free Press
DUST TO DUST
“Compelling and expertly told. Plot lines smolder and ignite as the suspense builds. The result leaves . . . the reader scorched.” —USA Today
“[This] wintry tale of crime and punishment packs a powerful thrill. Bottom line: Good cops + bad cops = killer suspense.” —People (Page-turner of the week, starred review)
“Dust to Dust breathes new life into the old good cop vs. bad cop genre. . . . A roller-coaster ride of a thriller that will leave fans awaiting the next installment.” —New York Post
“Sharp dialogue and an unusual plot make this a highly engaging outing for Hoag.” —Chicago Tribune
“Practice must make perfect after all because Tami Hoag . . . just keeps getting better. . . . Hoag not only develops her characters, she also thickens the plot with every chapter, until there is no alternative but to keep turning those pages.” —The Orlando Sentinel
“As a master of complex plots, Hoag is adept at faking readers into thinking they've figured out what's happened, only to shatter their theories. Dust to Dust continues the tradition.” —Fort Worth Star-Telegram
“In this well-crafted thriller, Hoag sets a complex plot in motion and gives it a powerful, emotional center.” —Minneapolis Star-Tribune
ASHES TO ASHES
“Hoag has more or less taken over the serial killer genre all by herself.” —Chicago Tribune
“You'll want to lock the doors while you're reading. . . . Hoag does her homework and gets the details right in this creepy story. . . . Powerful.” —Minneapolis Star Tribune
“An up-all-night read.” —The Detroit News
“[A] detail-packed thriller . . . The Silence of the Lambs comes to mind more than once.” —Entertainment Weekly
“[A] compelling . . . startling story.” —Chicago Sun-Times
“Hoag has a way of sneaking up on the reader in superior thriller tradition. . . . She neatly side- steps the graphic crudeness of some of her competitors, while still providing enough surprise twists and stomach-turning carnage to satisfy any heebie-jeebie enthusiast.” —Publishers Weekly (starred review)
“Absorbing . . . always interesting . . . Once again, Hoag doesn't disappoint.” —New York Post
“Promises to keep readers up reading into the night. . . . A lot of bang for the buck.” —Alfred Hitchcock Mystery Magazine