And then it hits me . . . Norris Porter. It happened when I was pretty young, but his death was a big deal—the train cut him in half. I remember that awful detail because I told my father that I thought maybe Norris Porter could be fixed by a magician, one who saws his assistant in two and then puts her back together. But my father shook his head and says, “No, Callie, that doesn’t work in reality.”
After the accident these tracks were closed for a few years. But they opened them again last summer. I guess everyone thought it had been long enough.
When Norris starts joking around about Blood on the Tracks by Bob Dylan being the soundtrack to his death, I ask him if it’s weird to be here.
“Nah,” he says. “I can’t die again.”
The rest of them laugh. Putting aside my hesitation at being here, I join in. They seem so carefree, so light, and I yearn to be a part of that, to pretend for a little while at least that I’m not dead—and forget that I should be haunting and that I’ve caused others pain.
Soon the chug-chug-chug of a train in the distance echoes around us.
“Who’s gonna go?” asks Leo.
“I think Callie should,” says Delia. “She’s stronger than all of us.”
Her eyes glimmer playfully, and I search her face. Is she mocking me? Her smile is big, though, encouraging.
I grin back. “I don’t think I’m stronger than Leo,” I say, “but I could definitely take the rest of y’all.”
Norris scoffs.
“So try the train dodge,” says Leo, a challenge in his eyes.
“Show her how it’s done first, big shot,” says Norris.
“You’re the expert,” Leo volleys back.
Norris laughs in that horsey way again. He doesn’t seem to mind joking about his own death.
“You guys are such chickens,” says Delia, stepping into the center of the tracks. “Watch this, Callie.”
Her face is beaming as she stares down the locomotive that’s rushing at her. Her golden hair catches the headlights, lighting up like curlicues on fire. The conductor doesn’t blow a whistle, though. There’s just the driving noise of the train, full speed ahead, as Delia stretches her arms out into a Y and looks up to the sky.
I always thought about trying something like this, but it seemed more foolhardy than daring. Maybe Norris’s death left an impression.
My heart beats faster as the train gets closer. “She’s going to get out of the way, right?” I ask Reena. “It’s a dodge?”
“No need for that,” says Reena.
I will myself to stand still as the engine draws near. And even though I know we’re all dead, that this train can’t hurt Delia, I quiver with panic.
When the front car slams into her, Delia lets out a piercing yowl. It lasts as long as the train does—I count thirty-two cars. As the final one moves past, Delia jumps off the tracks, shining like she’s lit up from within.
“Woooo!” she yells.
Norris runs up to her, picks her up off the ground, and twirls her around. “Awesome.” Pride rings through his voice. I scrutinize his face for signs of grief or fear—this is where he died, after all—but I guess it’s been long enough. He’s more elated than anything.
I wonder if this is what it would be like for me if I went back to that spot on Route 52. Would I find peace there, finally accept what happened to me? Would it allow me to reach Nick?
Leo folds his hands around Delia’s shoulders and drops his head back as though he can syphon her exhilaration. I’m not sure why it bothers me, why I have the sense that he’s trying to capture something for himself. At the same time, I’m a little envious of the way they all touch so freely.
“You should try it, Callie,” says Delia. “It’s a huge rush.”
She appears completely fine—beyond fine, actually. Delia beams like she just had the most exciting experience of her life. Or death.
“Have you guys all done it?” I ask.
“Yeah,” says Norris. “Even I’ve done it. The not-dying part is really cool.”
I laugh along with the rest of them, but I wonder if there’s a part of Norris that finds this reenactment of his death kind of creepy or sad.
We sit by the side of the tracks and talk. All the while I’m watching Norris, impressed with how comfortable he is here. Eventually, I have to ask.
“Do the rest of you guys go back to your death spots, too?”
“Ours isn’t fun,” says Reena, glancing at Leo.
“Ours?” I ask.
“Mine is depressing,” says Delia, shifting our attention to her, and I’m left with the impression that she’s trying to protect Reena and Leo, save them from a question that was intrusive. “Hospital,” she says. Then she whispers, “Cancer.”
“Oh,” I say. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s been a while—it’s okay,” she says. “Plus, when I died I got all this back!” She shakes out her golden curls and they fall around her shoulders.
I don’t know if I’d have been as accepting, but I understand why she craves the thrills that she probably never had in life.
“And you know what else?” she says. “I was never strong enough to do any of this when I was alive. But in death, I’m living it up.”
Just then, the familiar chug-chug-chug comes within earshot. “Okay,” I say. I face the tracks. “I’ll go.”
I’m only a little afraid—I’m used to stepping up to the edge of the cliff, but never without a safety harness. This is different. But it might be ten times as fun.
“She’s ready!” shouts Leo, clapping.
Delia smiles at me. “It’s a little scary the first time. Which means it’s also the biggest rush.”
Reena links her arm through mine and cocks her head, looking at me sideways. “You’re sure?” she asks.
I watch the approaching headlights, still off in the distance. “Yeah,” I say, with utter conviction.
She smiles approvingly. I experience a little prerush knowing that I’m being accepted into this daredevil group.
“Let’s try something bigger,” says Leo, approaching us.
“What?” I ask.
“This,” he says. Then he puts his massive arms around my waist and hoists me into the air. I stiffen, not quite trusting him, but then Reena laughs as Leo carries me. He’s still holding on to me from behind as he puts me down and centers us on the tracks. “I’ll do it with you,” he says, and immediately I’m relieved. I know I can stare down a train; I just don’t know if I’ll be able to stand there without dodging while it runs right through me.
Leo is a foot taller than I am, and I’m glad for his presence as I look up at the sky. I feel dizzy as I take in the line of stars that is Orion’s Belt, the blurry cluster of the Seven Sisters, the crooked handle of the Big Dipper.
“It’s better if you face it head-on,” says Leo. I pull my gaze down to the bright headlights that are getting closer and closer. I glance over at Reena, Delia, and Norris, who are bouncing around, excited. Norris gives me a thumbs-up.
I start to feel a pull where Leo’s hands are around my waist, like he’s pinching me internally and drawing out some of my strength. He howls eerily up at the sky.
“We’re gonna stop this freaking train!” he shouts.
“What?” I try to face him, but his hold on me is so strong that I can’t budge. My nerves start pinging.
“Your energy is powerful enough, Callie,” he whispers in my ear. “We can do it—do anything—together.” Then, in a booming voice, he yells, “There’s no limit to our powers now that we have our Lucky Charm!”
Almost frozen with dread, I’m staring at the approaching engine. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Reena edging closer to us.