Free Sample From
THE POWER OF PRESENCE
By Kristi Hedges
Check out this excerpt from The Power of Presence
When some people speak, everyone listens. When they need commitment to projects, others jump on board. These are the lucky few with “presence”—that subtle magnetic field that signals authority and authenticity. Wouldn’t it be great if doors opened as effortlessly for you? They can! Everyone, regardless of position or personality, can strengthen their presence. The key is to cultivate the communication aptitude, mental attitude, and unique leadership style needed to connect with and motive others. The Power of Presence demystifies this elusive sought-after quality.
CHAPTER 1
What Are You Thinking?
Executive presence begins in your head. It resides in how you think about yourself, your abilities, your environment, and your potential.
Nearly everyone has an excellent presence; it may simply manifest itself in another part of your life. Perhaps you are charismatic and confident as your son’s baseball coach, or you are empathetic and inspiring to your best friend. You give a bang-up speech at your college friend’s 40th birthday party, or have just the right words to encourage your sister.
Most of what you need is right there in you, waiting to be tapped for your professional life.
Intentionality is the driver of presence. All the communication tips in the world won’t make up for your thought patterns.
If you are concerned that having executive presence means faking it, consider yourself reassured. The kind of presence that attracts other people to you, makes your team want to move mountains for you, and propels you ahead is the opposite of fake. It is pure authenticity—being more of the person you already are, without the mental subterfuge that gets in the way.
I-Presence starts with “intentional” presence, because it is the driver. There are no tips or tricks that will make up for a lack of intentionality. In fact, sometimes tips can make things worse. Many executives, fresh from tip-laden training in public speaking, find themselves even more nervous and less authentic than before because it feels forced. They have all the same feelings and anxieties about speech giving, but now they are also trying to remember to stand this way or gesticulate that way. You can buy an expensive car with all the latest features and a GPS, but if you don’t know the address of your destination, you won’t get where you want to go.
You need to pick up the right intentions and let go of what’s in the way.
Intentional Is as Intentional Is Perceived
You may be thinking, “Isn’t every functioning professional intentional? If I weren’t, I couldn’t keep my job.” Well, yes, you’re right. And I bet you can point to many times in your day when you aren’t as thoughtful about your actions as you could be—especially as it relates to your presence. And we can easily call out this tendency in other people, too.
Let me take a moment to describe what I mean by being intentionaclass="underline" I define having an intentional presence as understanding how you want to be perceived and subsequently communicating in a manner so that you will be perceived the way you want. It means aligning your thoughts with your words and actions. And it requires a keen understanding of your true, authentic self, as well as your impact on others.
There are different kinds of intentions. Some are broad and relatively stable, such as when you declare, “I want to be a visionary leader.” Other intentions are situational, such as, “In this strategy session, I must be the catalyst for change.” We’ll discuss various types of intentions in the chapters in Part 1, and how to put them into practice in your life.
Trust that intentions change your presence. I see it every day. You will, too.
You Are What You Think, Even When You’re Not Paying Attention
In January 2001, Harvard Business Review featured an article by Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz labeling today’s executives as corporate athletes.1 The article addressed how to bring an athletic training methodology to the development of leaders. This approach makes tremendous sense on a number of levels, and especially in terms of mental conditioning.
Anyone who follows sports knows the importance of an athlete’s focus. We all admired Michael Phelps at the Beijing 2008 Olympics as he listened to his iPod stone-faced, concentrating, before he dove into the water. We respect an athlete’s ability to use positive visualization and intention, and readily acknowledge its benefit.
Somehow, though, outside of athletics such rituals seem unnecessary or even silly. It reminds us of Al Franken’s famous Saturday Night Live character Stuart Smalley saying to himself in the mirror, “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.” Taking the time to have the discussion with yourself about what you want to accomplish with your presence may seem more like pop psychology/self-help than hard-core executive training.
Guess again. Taking the time to figure out what you want your presence to convey is a critical and powerful first step. That is the image of yourself you want to keep in mind as you do your own dive into the water. It’s your mental aim.
The Wrong Internal Conversation: Why I’m a Disaster at Golf (and You Might Be, Too)
As you develop your mental aim, you also need to determine what conversation is currently in your head and how it may need to change. Even when you aren’t paying attention, your internal conversation is always happening.
Scott Eblin, author of The Next Level, convincingly describes intention as a “swing thought,” likening it to the last thing golfers think before their club strikes the ball.2 (Eblin is a coaching colleague from Georgetown, and I have to thank him for the original comparison of intention to athletic focus—a common reference that’s helpful for so many people to think about.)
For anyone who has played golf, you readily get the swing-thought idea. And even if you haven’t, you can probably understand how hitting that tiny ball dead-solid perfect requires a whole lot of mental focus. It’s the make-or-break factor.
When I was in my early thirties, I decided to learn golf. I took lessons, got the right clubs, and practiced diligently. At the driving range with the pro, I wasn’t half bad. However, I was terrible when I got on the course. Competitive and averse to failure, I was self-conscious about how I played compared to others around me. I’d choke when I got to the tee and have an all-around miserable game. When I was paired with other golfers, it got even worse. Still I kept trying, remaining furious at myself for hitting well in practice and then falling apart on the course. After a few years with no improvement, I gave it up.
My golf-playing days were before I was a coach. At the time, I didn’t have the ability to fully understand what was happening. When I got up to the tee, my swing thought was literally, “Don’t embarrass yourself.” Is it any wonder that I was such a disaster?
Negative swing thoughts are alive and well off the golf course. I hear them from clients all the time, either stated or unstated. They include:
— I can’t speak in public.
— I’m not a people person.
— I’ll appear self-promoting.
— I’m an introvert and can’t network well.