— I’m just not good in these situations.
— I don’t have what it takes to play the office politics game.
Any of these pretexts sound familiar? If this is where you are placing your mental focus, you can bet it’s showing up in your presence, and maybe even screaming.
Neuroleadership is discussed in-depth in Chapter 9. One of the main findings of those studying in this field is that our intentions actually shape how the human brain functions. The intentions that we hold in our head, either positive or negative, create mental shortcuts that become a veritable path of least resistance. The more we think something, the easier it is for our mind to process it. That’s why it’s critical to be fully aware of any negative thoughts blocking your progress. I’ve included an exercise (see sidebar) to help you “uncover your negative thoughts.”
The intentions we hold in our head create mental shortcuts that become a path of least resistance.
Uncover Your Negative Thoughts
Find a quiet space to contemplate what you believe to be true about your presence. Write down any negative thoughts that may hold you back.
• What do you currently think about your own executive presence and your ability to affect it?
• What assumption of yours is getting in the way or holding you back, and why? How long have you felt this about yourself?
• Try on the idea that you already possess the presence you seek in the various areas of your life. What’s your reaction?
Knowing what our limiting thoughts are, and replacing them intentionally, is the only way to create a different possibility. Eventually, the possibility becomes the new and improved shortcut.
How Intention Plays in the Course of Work
A few years ago, I was coaching Alan S., a senior executive at a Fortune 500 finance company. He was frustrated because he felt that with his experience and background, he should be perceived as a high-performer with the C-suite in his grasp. Yet he was passed over for a promotion. Believing his communication style might be to blame, Alan hired me as his executive coach to work on it.
As I do with most engagements, I started out by speaking with Alan’s colleagues to get an accurate picture of how he was perceived by other people. (See Chapter 4 for how to conduct your own presence audit.) Their take was that Alan was rarely positive about other people’s suggestions. They felt that since he was overly critical, it was best to avoid him. He had great skills, they said, but it was easier to stay clear of him than to solicit his help. Who had the time in a busy day to be dragged down?
At first, Alan bristled at this feedback. He thought of himself as a pragmatist, but overall a positive person. After we delved into his thinking patterns, it became clear that more often than not, his pragmatism caused him to look for what could go wrong in a situation. Only after debunking every negative would he entertain any positive. We also assessed situations where he had face time with his colleagues and corporate officers: executive team meetings. Because there were so many voices competing during meetings, he tended to hang in the back of the room because he didn’t see his contribution as additive (pragmatism again). When I asked what his thoughts were in the meetings, he realized his internal dialogue was, “Don’t say anything stupid.” Sometimes he even scowled without knowing it, either in reaction to a comment or his own thoughts.
Not surprisingly, Alan was unintentionally making an impression, even though he believed that being in the background would keep him from making one. As I came to learn, he was actually a very caring person, but most of his colleagues didn’t venture close enough to learn that about him.
After diagnosing what wasn’t working, we began to create some new intentions that felt right to Alan. To develop them, we looked at leaders he respected and wanted to emulate, both inside the company and in his personal life. He stated a personal intention that he wanted to be seen as capable, positive, and helpful—someone his colleagues actively sought out. Next, we began determining when his stated intention counteracted his actions. One was obvious: He needed to smile more. He also made a conscious decision to hold back reservations when others brought ideas to him; in fact, he would even encourage what was good about their suggestions. He began to drop by people’s offices, just to talk or offer help. And he completely changed his role in executive team meetings by sitting near the middle of the room and making a point to contribute something encouraging in every session.
An intentional presence creates the desired emotional reaction in others.
We used the exercise shown in Figure 1-1 to recognize and change Alan’s intentions. This may be a good starting point for you as well to begin noticing how intention plays in your life.
Figure 1-1. Exercise to Observe Intention.
Great Intentions Create Great Reactions
Executive presence at its core is about creating an impression on others. You want your presence to propel you ahead in your work life by getting your desired reaction. Every day is a bombardment of opportunities to persuade, influence, motivate, attract, or inspire others.
Being intentional about your presence means that you must play in the realm of emotions. Humans are emotional beings, and we process information on emotional terms. Think about how you take in the presence of other people. They create an emotional reaction in you. It could be comfort, disdain, fear, excitement, or curiosity. If you think of your favorite boss or leader, you are very likely to conjure up emotional terms to describe that person.
With your presence, you are trying to marry your intent with another person’s perception. This is where authenticity plays a big role. It’s nearly impossible to make another person feel excitement, for example, if you aren’t excited; likewise, you won’t bring out someone else’s confidence if you aren’t confident. (Many of us have endured enough halfhearted corporate pep rallies to know how inauthentic they are.)
The Story of Steve and Stan: An Internet Sensation
Macworld 2007, the huge conference for Apple computer and electronics devotees, provides a perfect example and an unexpected cautionary tale of a missed intention.
Each year, Macworld draws about 20,000 attendees fiercely devoted to all things Apple and immersed in its unique culture set by the late CEO Steve Jobs. It’s also where Jobs delivers the keynote debuting new Apple products and creating multimillion-dollar buzz overnight. Jobs is known for his electric presenting style. In video of the event, he takes the stage with a mix of humor, excitement, authenticity, and just the right touch of mischief. In his trademark black turtleneck, jeans, and sneakers, he looks casual and relaxed. He talks to the audience as if they are old friends swapping stories. You can sense the energy in the room lift when he walks in. The audience can’t wait to be inspired by the visionary Steve Jobs.
Often, Jobs had other CEOs from partner companies join him onstage. They knew what the audience expected. They matched his enthusiastic tone and casual dress and understood that it was their job to keep up the energy level. After all, part of Macworld is the experience of being caught up in—and identifying with—the excitement of the Apple brand. Apple equals cutting edge, and you’re cutting edge for being there.
A funny thing happened in 2007, the year Jobs revealed the first-generation iPhone with Apple’s distribution partner AT&T. As usual, Jobs was magnetic. Unveiling the iPhone to a hushed crowd, he garnered cheers as he described the functionality. The crowd was ripe for more. Jobs introduced Stan Sigman, then CEO of Cingular, AT&T’s wireless division. When Sigman came onstage, it was apparent that he looked different: He was dressed in a polished suit more appropriate for a boardroom than this conference hall with a rowdy crowd at Macworld. Still, the audience gave him the benefit of the doubt as he spoke enthusiastically, from the heart, about the first time he saw the iPhone prototypes.