— Hophophop! shouted Grandpa and we threw ourselves out of the car.
The car was thundering toward the river while we were rolling in the grass. Grandpa laughed until he choked and I had to thump him on the back. Then we trotted up toward Bonnstan, where the farmers used to hold booze-and slaughterfests during church holidays. Gray and dullred sheds made of leaky wood.
— This summer we’ll burn the whole stinking shithole down!
Two girlygirls dressed in pastels came cycling along. They were about my age and ohsosweet. Grandpa whipped out some scissors and attacked one. She had long, wheatgold pigtails, which he hacked off at the roots. When she yelped, he cut a hunk of rosyflesh from her cheek and popped it in his mouth. She was so shocked she fainted. Dolly number two shrieked and peddled away, but I hopped on the second bike and chased her down. We both fell, and I punched her hard enough that she sprang a leak and shut up. About time. I went back to Grandpa … he read me a eulogy … Then we went down to Nordanå … publicpark … historichouse … museum … playground … There are huge trees there, lindens and I-don’t-know-what-the-fuck else … Thrushes and sparrows lead doomed lives … They’ve got the Swannery … a few ponds with ducks, geese, and swans … we wandered around … Grandpa chuckled … Satan’s cruel as a child … It was a Sunday, so families with small children were showing their faces … who are they trying to fool … birds are icebound in winter … then they thaw out again … old railbirds and young-scamps threw half loaves of bread into the gasbubbling water … creampuffs … busschedules … the birds ate it all … I adjusted my snuffwad … even my fingernails had frostbite … We stopped at a fence … ducks waddled and quacked … I heard voices … A swan glided forward … it was knobby and huge … Grandpa picked up a sharp rock and took aim … He threw it as hard as he could and hit the swan in the head … The bird screamed, flinched, forgot itself … tried to fly though its wings were clipped … blood ran down its neckfeathers … people gasped … looked at each other and started whispering.
— What the hell did you do that for? some nappyhaired family-man asked.
— He looked at me funny, Grandpa said and slouched away.
At the next pond, unsupervised kids were hanging out … a mess and a fuss, nothing to do but get pissed off … Grandpa grabbed a little kid in pink rompers, slurped down its juicyjuice, and tossed the kid into the water.
— Sorry, kinky cherry …
Several mammalian lifeforms rushed at Grandpa, hooting and hollering … Grandpa shyly defended himself with knifedrawn … The kid floated on its stomach … splashing listlessly … woolcap bobbing … One of those big crocodiles Grandpa had planted there in the seventies, graygreen and grinning broadly, took the kid in its jaws and rolled him down to the sewers … Meanwhile, the old bitches weren’t playing nice … they’d decided to teach us a lesson … fucking PMSers … screeching to high-heaven … Grandpa cut a couple down to size … Then we hauled ass toward what passed for a downtown.
— We’ll have to visit the museum and alter history some other day!
We ran … they were still chasing us … Grandpa isn’t exactly Bikila … they were gaining on us … snapping at our heels … breathing down our necks … three sturdy boys in real bluejeans … Grandpa couldn’t catch his breath … he was wheezing like babyhamsters sucked up a vacuum … He stopped … laughed at fear … they started in on him … knocked him down … taunted and threatened him … scrapped in the gravel … the devils … it wasn’t going well … they didn’t give a fuck about me … I found a weapon … a cracked baseballbat … I struck without thinking … crushed the skulls of the two who were holding Grandpa … the third kicked out at me … the bat was useless … I rushed him … butted his crotch with my head … he folded … I headbutted him hard and heavy … when he lay curled on the ground, I started kicking him with my Doc Martens … until he cut the bullshit out … Grandpa finally got to his feet … his suit was definitely ruined … I dusted him off as well as I could …
— That was just mean … what a fuss, just because I took his juicyjuice … he didn’t even want it … But now we definitely need a real drink!
We headed downtown as charliehorses ran races up and down Grandpa’s legs.
— Everything’s closed, Grandpa!
— Calm down, boy … Trust me …
Most of what I’ve written about Skellefteå is stuff Grandpa’s told me. I asked him how he knew so much about the town.
— I had a little lover here … once upon a time, before I was a Grandpa … He was beautiful both above and below … but his ass would get so tender, one time I couldn’t even get my ringfinger up it … If he were still living here, we might arrange an introduction. There are too many dead souls here … evilspirits … more than I can stand, now that I’m sobering up …
We walked watchfully down the street. The buildings pressed together and were several stories tall … Shops and more shops … They sold clothes, jewelry, and household goods … stuff designed to keep up appearances … There were beautysalons, healthfood-stores, and sportsgoodsstores … so many chimerical promises … though a Fridaydoo and a Sundaymanicure will end up rotting in the grave just like everything else … There were whores everywhere you looked … lots were pushing strollers … lips dripping with honey, mouths more slippery than oil … I didn’t give a fuck about the women in this trashtown, I knew I’d survive … I knew that someday the Lord God Almighty would cover their scalps with sores, and expose their nasties for all the world to see … baldskin instead of permedhair, sackcloth instead of fineclothes, brandingirons instead of beauty … Grandpa put a protective hand on my neck.
— Never let them know what your thinking and you’ll be all right! That’s the only way to protect yourself!
It surprised me to see so many of those creatures, all thinking they were human … I’d never have believed it … But they were worlds away … continents away from each other … galaxies receding at the speed of light … These days people don’t have anything to say to each other … if they’d just sit down and think about it, though … that’s what they should write about … They think they know where they’re going … know where home is … placidly go to school and travel abroad …
They have names, jobs, pets, and securityblankets … friends and dependents … you can do without all that … just look at me and Grandpa … Traffic honked and screeched when we approached the crosswalk, but we made it across unscathed … The buildings got bigger … I fingered the upsidedown silver cross around my throat … comfort and security are the things they value above all … but that’s the last thing the world will give you … Up until now, all the world ever gave me was something to think about … a rawfuck every now and then … chronic heartburn … The people who bothered to notice us smirked and grimaced … people only have two reactions when they meet a Grandpas boy … indifference and contempt … Grandpa took off his Bogarthat and dried the coldsweat from his Sydowforehead … then put it back on … they tittled and tattled … Shriveledaunties, puffedu-puncles, snottycocks, insatiablecunts … Persians, Arabs, poodles, clones … Dummies, labrats, internalcombustianengines, sex-bots … Consumers, mutants, patients, lemurs … “The Count,” aka “Martin Bormann,” greeted Grandpa heartily and paraded next to us, lifting his legs a little too high … A retired, germaphobic driving instructor whose name Grandpa couldn’t remem-ber passed us clutching a tissue and looking desperate behind his poindexter glasses … “The King” and “Sweaty” had apparently taken a break from bingo and the lottery … they looked you in the eye and found you wanting … “Gypsy Rickard” and “Gypsy Allan” were heavilypetting two fat constables … Leif and “Mod-dan” were squabbling like so many times before … Leif had just puked on the toystores front steps … Maud looked off balance … Sten and Georg met like nothing was up … they smiled, victims of the same dullwitted maliciousness … “Kurt the Can,” who’d moved up in rank after “Little Herman,” the graybearded dwarf, died, was rooting around in the trash for something to pawn …