“You can’t choose neither.” I shook my head. “That’s one of your rules, remember? Pick.”
“I guess I would pick the stranger...Yeah...The stranger.”
“That’s it? That’s all you have to say? You usually have an entire reasoning behind your pick. Give me the logic.”
“Well I guess it would...It would hurt either way, I just...” His voice trailed off. “With the stranger I wouldn’t have to worry about feeling as betrayed...Whereas, if I lost you to my best friend I—I’m not sure how I would ever deal with that or if I would ever get over it. It’d be the worst thing my best friend could possibly do...”
“I one-hundred-percent-agree.” I pulled him down onto our blanket and kissed his lips. “You know what I was thinking the other day?”
“Tell me.”
“We never got the chance to have a real wedding...”
“What do you mean?”
I sighed and remembered how poor we were when we decided to tie the knot, how I’d had to buy my wedding dress from the neighborhood thrift store and beg my mom to make all the alterations.
We didn’t even have enough money to rent a venue, and since our church was undergoing renovations, we decided to have it in his mother’s backyard. Don’t get me wrong, that was the happiest day of my life and our moms decorated the hell out of that backyard—so much so that it almost looked like it belonged in a magazine, but it wasn’t everything I wanted it to be.
“Wouldn’t it be great if for our fifteenth anniversary we renewed our vows at an actual ceremony?” I asked. “Well, wait. It would probably have to be five or six months after our anniversary.”
“Why is that?”
“Because of Amanda. She’ll have delivered her baby and I would want her to be my maid of honor again—with a real dress and flowers this time.”
He mumbled something that I couldn’t hear.
“And we could have it at a real venue, not in your mom’s backyard.” I smiled. “Ashley and Caroline can be junior bridesmaids. Or do you think they’d rather be hostesses?”
“They’ll probably just be happy to be in the wedding.” He moved closer to me. “I thought you liked our wedding. I did...”
“Oh, I did too, but it wasn’t the wedding of my dreams. You know?”
“It was for me.” He caressed my hand. “I just wanted to be married to you. It didn’t matter where it happened. It could’ve been in the courthouse for all I cared.”
My heart swelled as he pressed his lips against mine.
It was small moments like this that made me appreciate Ryan more and more. Even though he was making ten times the amount of money he was making when we first got married, he always touted me as his best asset and he always found the sweetest words to say.
“I hope it’s always like this, Ryan.” I smiled. “Always.”
“Like what?”
“Calm. Easy. Perfect. Just perfect...” I kissed him again.
“Me too.”
Two months ago...
“Tell me why you’re planning a trip to the Panama Canal again?” Amanda tied an apron around her baby bump. “You’re scared of planes.”
“We’re going to take a cruise there, smartass. And I figured that we need to start planning now. You know Ryan doesn’t have much free time outside of his off days. He seems to be a lot busier now.”
She cleared her throat. “Right. Would you like some cookies? I made your favorite yesterday.” She walked over to her refrigerator and pulled out a tray of mint chocolate chip cookies. “I think I finally perfected my mom’s recipe for these. Do you know she still won’t give it to me? That’s how stubborn she is.”
“Ryan would never cheat on me, right?”
“What?” She raised her eyebrow. “What did you just say?”
“That....That Ryan would never cheat on me, right?”
“You think he’s cheating on you?” She frowned.
“No...I just...I don’t know. I think I’ve been watching too much Dr. Phil or something. Every couple on there that’s been together for ten or more years seems to fall apart over infidelity. And a lot of them talk about all these signs that signal that an affair could be happening but...Ryan is just really busy now. It can’t be what they say.”
“No, it’s definitely not. Don’t read into it too much.”
I sighed. “I’m sorry I ever brought this up. I don’t even know where that thought came from.”
“Don’t apologize...I’m sure every woman has doubts about her marriage from time to time. I know I do...”
“You do? I thought everything was great now, especially since you finally have a baby on the way.” I leaned over the counter and took a few cookies off the tray.
“Looks can be deceiving.” She looked like she was about to cry, like whatever was on her mind was something that was tormenting her. “Barry is...I don’t know...He’s different lately. He hardly ever speaks to me. It just started happening a few weeks ago...We were fine and then one day he came home, walked into the kitchen, and he just stared at me for a long time—looking me right in my eyes. It hasn’t been the same since. I don’t know what it could possibly—” She stopped and her eyes widened.
“You think you know what it could be?” I took a bite of my cookie. “Oh god, these are really amazing. You should sell these someday. Can I take half of them home?”
She didn’t answer me. She stood there silently, staring off into the distance like she was in an awful trance.
“Amanda?” I waved my hand in the air. “Hello? Amanda? You there?”
She shook her head and smiled nervously. “Yeah, sorry...Would you excuse me for one minute? I need to call someone...If those brownies go off, would you please take them out for me?” She slid a pair of oven mitts towards me and rushed out of the room before giving me the chance to respond.
When she returned—ten minutes later, it was as if that odd little episode had never happened. And for the rest of the afternoon she and I laughed over our favorite pastime—baking.
“Promise me that we’ll do this for the rest of our lives, Amanda.” I smiled at her as I placed my favorite cookies into Ziploc bags. “Ashley and Caroline are going to be disasters in the kitchen, so I’ll need you to do this with me when life stresses me out.”
“Of course,” she said. “I’ll always be here when you need me. No matter what happens between us...”
“What could possibly happen between us to make us not be friends, Amanda?”
She smiled and picked up a cookie. “Nothing...”
“Damn right...Next to Ryan, you’re my everything, and don’t you ever forget it.”
Tears fell down my face as I tossed quarters into the toll booth, as I flipped through more memories and realized that there were “signs,” but the two of them had worked so hard to cover them, and they’d purposely left me in the dark.
Maybe from the outside looking in the cracks had been easy to see, but from where I’d been standing everything had looked complete.
I sped onto the next highway and turned my music up, trying to drown out the cries I was finally letting free, promising my heart that I would never allow myself to be so trusting and vulnerable.
I’ll never allow another man to get that close to me again... Ever.
Chapter 2
Jonathan
“I don’t want Ryan Hayes within ten miles of my fiancée. Are we clear?”
“Yes sir.” “Of course, Mr. Statham.” “As you wish sir.” My top security personnel nodded their heads in agreement.
“I need to know why he’s here by the end of the week, and if he’s still here at that point, we need to figure out a way to get him the fuck out of here and back to Pittsburgh. Dead or alive.”
“Mr. Statham...” Greg narrowed his eyes at me.
I rolled my eyes. “Barely alive or alive...You’re dismissed gentlemen.” I waited for them to leave before falling back into my chair.