“Nice place!” Tammy shouted, then turned her voice on the furniture. Antiques splintered, candelabras smashed through windows, and a chandelier worth a million dollars crashed onto a table and showered the room with a billion tiny crystals. An electrical fire ignited where the lamp once hung, filling the room with smoke and setting off a piercing alarm, but none of the BULLIES stayed long enough to be annoyed. There were other rooms to destroy.
“This is my dad’s favorite room. They call it the Red Room. He likes to read in here when he should be asking me about my day,” Tessa said as she led everyone inside. The scarlet furniture was impeccable. “Funk, you’re up!”
The filthy boy laid his hands on the wall and a black mold spread to every corner of the room and every piece of furniture. Soon, mushrooms were growing on chairs and fuzzy white ooze dripped off everything. The air turned sour and putrid, making Miss Information gag.
“I need to show you the best room in the house,” Tessa said, rushing out of the Red Room with the rest of the team in tow. She threw open a door and ushered everyone inside. The carpet was a royal blue with the U.S. Great Seal stitched in the center. A large oak desk sat near a bank of windows covered in gold drapes. Several flags stood nearby.
“The Oval Office,” Tessa said. “Daddy sits in here and drinks lemonade while he reads national security briefs. I’m not allowed to bother him. He calls it his sanctuary. I hate this room most of all. Tear this place apart!”
Snot Rocket fired a booger at the desk and it exploded. Thor picked up a chair and heaved it through a window. Funk caused a black stain to grow on the ceiling above them. Loudmouth screamed a hole into the wall.
“Brilliant, Tessa!” Miss Information said.
Tessa grinned. “They’ll never reelect a guy who let a bunch of kids destroy the world’s most famous house.”
Miss Information laughed. “He’ll be lucky if they don’t hang him!”
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” said a voice from behind her. Miss Information turned and looked through the hole that Loudmouth had created in the wall. Five children stood on the lawn. Their leader had poofy blond hair and thick glasses. Next to her was a short African American kid, a heavy-breathing Korean girl, a kid with the worst set of braces she had ever seen, and a jittery kid stuffing orange circus peanuts into his mouth. Seeing them, the pain returned to Miss Information’s head. She stumbled, fighting to separate her dream world from the real one.
“We know you sent us to fight your stupid robots at the Hoover Dam,” the blond leader said, “but you forgot something very important—we have a rocket.”
“Ms. Holiday,” the Asian girl said. “We love you very much and we hope we can help you overcome whatever has control over you, but right now you’re about to get your butt kicked.”
“Who’s Ms. Holiday?” Loudmouth shouted.
“Who cares?” Funk asked. “What do we do?”
“Attack!” Tessa said, and the two teams stampeded at each other. Paintings were torn apart, furniture was used as battering rams, punches connected with walls, and several fires broke out. The skinny Mexican kid went toe-to-toe with Thor. The kid with the braces wrestled with Funk. The flying Korean girl buzzed around Loudmouth. Snot Rocket had his hands, and nose, full with the chubby kid who could walk on walls. And Tessa swung a flag stand at the girl with the glasses, who kept breaking out in hives that vanished and reappeared in the blink of an eye.
Miss Information, however, barely noticed the chaos all around her. She was trapped in a slide show of memories so bright and intense they were blinding. She saw a place like the one she had built for her BULLIES; it was called the Playground. There was a man there—a man who made her feel like she was finally home. His name was Alexander, and he was real and she loved him.
She fell over onto the floor, fighting the hallucinations. She needed air, so she ripped off her mask, which only seemed to open the door to a flood of new visions. There was a library at an elementary school, and a little flying globe just like Benjy. There was a yellow rocket and a boy with humongous buck teeth. And with each memory there came a peculiar emotion—a mixture of joy and excitement and tenderness. If she hadn’t known better, she might have guessed it was love. What was happening to her? She couldn’t concentrate and couldn’t stand. These kids’ arrival had caused her to suffer.
But the mask could protect her. The mask made everything simple. It was her shield and her weapon. It told her who she was. She slipped it back on, and all at once her head was clear. She also knew exactly what she had to do.
“Retreat!” she called. She darted through the hole in the wall and sprinted for the bus. Her team followed, slack-jawed and confused. She dove on board and raced to her seat. Alex was waiting. He had a worried expression on his face. She would explain to him what happened. He would listen.
When the kids tumbled onto the bus, she commanded the lunch lady to drive. But someone was blocking their path—the real president. He peered through the window at his twin, his mouth agape.
“Who are you?” he stammered.
Miss Information smiled. “Show him, Tessa.”
Tessa mushed her face back to normal. “It’s me,” she said, nearly spitting the words at him.
“Tessa?”
“We’re done here. Let’s go, lunch lady!” Miss Information ordered.
The Antagonist revved the bus’s engine and two soldiers dragged President Lipton away. With its path clear, the School Bus ignited its rockets and lifted into the air. Seconds later, it shot into the sky.
“Look, Tessa!” Funk said. “They’re arresting your dad.”
Tessa looked out the window. Suddenly, her glee changed to something resembling concern, but Miss Information was too busy working out her next scheme to give the girl much thought. She finally knew how to take over the world and destroy her greatest enemies at the same time. She needed to get to work.
“Get in here,” Sarah said when Ruby finally staggered home from school. “We’re in crisis mode.”
Ruby took a deep breath. Her mother knew. Of course she knew! Video of the fight had to be on every channel in the world by now. Her whole family probably saw it on the news. Her secret life was over. It was time to come clean.
“Mom, I can explain everything, but you need to listen—”
“Whatever it is, it’s going to have to wait,” Francis said, rushing into the room with Noah in his arms and Truman following at his heels. “The hotel we booked for the entire family had to close. Their furnace went out and the water pipes froze. They burst and the rooms are flooded. We’ve called every hotel, motel, YMCA, and youth hostel within a hundred miles, but everyone is booked solid.”
Ruby was confused. Hadn’t they been watching the news? Hadn’t they seen the epic battle at the White House?
“So we have a plan B,” Francis said. “Promise you won’t freak out.”
Ruby couldn’t seem to shift gears. “Um—”
“They have to stay here,” Sarah said. “With us.”
Her mother and father stood cringing as if Ruby were a stick of dynamite with a dwindling fuse. Even Noah and Truman watched with nervous baby eyes and a nervous wagging tail.
“Um, OK. Did you see the news?” Ruby asked.
“Yeah, a little bit. The president went crazy or something. They arrested him. The old folks and the kids have been battling over the TV all day, so unless it was part of a documentary on World War Two or a story involving the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, we didn’t hear much about it. Did you hear what we said? The entire family is staying here.”
Ruby shook her head to unclog the gunk in her brain. So they didn’t know—at least not yet. It was just a matter of time, though. There had been reporters everywhere when the kids were fighting Miss Information and her gang of misfits. Someone had to have gotten a shot of Ruby’s face. “Mom, Dad, I need to talk to you about something.”